A Curse So Dark and Lonely (Page 61)

Then I turn and bury the sword in her chest.

She falls to her knees, impaled on his blade. Her mouth is working, whether from shock or pain I cannot tell, but she cannot speak. Her hands are scrabbling at the blade, trying to pull it loose.

“That will not hold her long,” Grey says.

“I know. Send the generals to the towns. Have the people head south, away from the invasion of Karis Luran’s army. Distribute the silver from the castle treasury. Tell them not to resist. The ships can carry people to the southern shores. They should be safe if we leave no ships. Take the seal. Tell them you act on my order.”

“Yes, my lord.”

I glare at Lilith. She’s still choking, pulling at the blade. She is unable to draw breath to speak, which is an unexpected blessing. Her eyes are wells of evil anger.

“You may have won everything else,” I snap. “But you will not win me.”

I grab the edge of the parapet and hoist myself up. The wind is fierce, stinging my skin and burning my eyes.

I look at Grey. “My words were true. You have my thanks.”

“As you have mine.”

I look away. My eyes suddenly burn. “Once my people are safe, go for Harper, Grey. Escape all this.”

“Yes, my lord.”

My fingers grip the cold stone. I find I cannot move. I cannot breathe.

I am not brave enough, not even for self-sacrifice.

This is permanent.

This is forever.

I have failed.

Grey steps up to me. He holds out a hand.

I grasp it, and he grips tight. His eyes hold mine.

There are no choices left. Every path leads to destruction.

There is always a choice.

“For the good of Emberfall,” Grey says quietly.

I squeeze his hand. My voice shakes. “For the good of all.”

I let go.

I fall.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

HARPER

Jake gives Lawrence’s men the necklaces. He says the gold bars and coins would invite too much question, but the necklaces can be explained away.

We’re safe. For the time being.

An ambulance comes to take Mom’s body away. I feel an emptiness when I watch the paramedics load her body onto a stretcher and zip a nylon bag closed around her.

I eventually succumb to exhaustion. I sleep fitfully at first, then wake late in the morning. So late that it’s almost lunchtime.

I’ve grown so used to my room in the castle, to late-night chats with Zo, to the warmth of Rhen’s body in bed beside me—that waking in a cold twin bed alone is jarring.

I don’t want to be here. Jake doesn’t want me here. I don’t know why I came back.

For Mom.

I couldn’t save her. I don’t even think I gave her any peace.

I’ve told Jake everything. After the paramedics were gone, after Lawrence’s men were gone, we sat in the living room and I laid it all out.

He doesn’t believe a word of it. And seriously, who could blame him.

Then I said, “Why don’t you go see Noah. Ask him what he thinks.”

He froze. I think I actually saw the blood drain from his face. “Noah who?”

“God, Jake. You know I know.” I hesitated. “I told you about the pictures on your phone. I told you about the curse.” I shrugged. “I just didn’t understand why you never told me.”

He looked at his hands then. “I wanted something Dad’s mess couldn’t ruin.”

I understand that. So I left it alone.

Grey is returning tonight. I thought I’d be uncertain about returning to Emberfall, that somehow my family would anchor me here, that I was obligated to play a role in their drama. I don’t think I ever realized that I’m not trapped by their choices, any more than they’re trapped by mine.

I am going to miss Jake. We’re not close now—not like we were—but we could be again.

Once he believes the whole princess thing.

This afternoon, I pull on jeans and a long-sleeved shirt and head out for a walk. I’m sure there’s some law against the concealed knives on my wrists, but I wear them anyway. I want to head toward Dupont Circle, where the sidewalks will be thicker with tourists and hipsters, but I end up heading south instead. Clouds cover the sun, the concrete buildings matching the sky overhead.

I remember hiding in doorways, so afraid someone would hassle me while I waited for Jake to keep us safe.

I’m not afraid now. I can keep myself safe.

I stay out all afternoon, buying dinner from a food truck, remembering the city that once felt too large to be comfortable. I walk along the dusk-darkened streets, my foot scraping lightly against the pavement because I’m tired, and think, I’m ready to go home.

Home doesn’t mean here.

Home means Emberfall.

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

RHEN

There’s a moment during the change when I’m aware of who and where I am.

It’s a moment when I’m aware of what I am.

One moment I am falling into darkness, the wind a wild rush in my ears, death a welcome certainty at the bottom.

The next moment I am flying, powerful wings beating against the air current, catching my weight before I hit the ground. I swoop upward. A terrible screech pours from my throat. I fly upward, soaring high.

My keen ears pick up the sound of men shouting in sudden alarm as I am spotted.

Run, I think.

Then my eyes find the figures standing atop the castle. My claws extend. I feel each muscle and tendon. I fight the urge to attack and kill.

Run, I plea. Run.

And then I think of nothing but death.

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

HARPER

To my surprise, Jake joins me on a bench before midnight, saying he’ll wait for Grey with me.

He thinks he’s patronizing me. I’m not entirely sure what he really thinks is going to happen, but we curl onto a bench near the awning where Grey left me, as the city shuts down around us.

“Are you excited to be going back to fairyland?” Jake’s voice is edged with a little mockery.

“Go to hell, Jake.”

He says nothing, but eventually, a long breath escapes. “I’m not sure what to say, Harper.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Go back home.”

He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t leave, either.

“I was really worried about you,” I say. “I can’t believe what you were doing for Lawrence.”

He shakes his head somewhat ruefully. “I didn’t want to, Harper. I just … I just couldn’t see another way out of it.”

“I know.” My voice is thin. I keep thinking of Rhen and all the choices he’s had to make along the way.

I wonder what he’s doing now.

Would it have been so hard to tell him I love him?

Was that even a choice?

Did I love him?

This is all so confusing. I’ve never been in love before, but I feel like it shouldn’t be like this.

I look at Jake. “You could come with me. To Emberfall.”

His face twists, like he’s caught between believing me and wanting to patronize me before I vanish again. “Harper …”

“What?”

He rubs his jaw, roughened after two days of not shaving. His voice is low and quiet. “I can’t leave Noah.”

I hesitate. There’s a note in his voice I’ve never heard before. “You love him.”

He glances at me. His expression is almost shy. “I do.” He pauses, and that shyness turns into sorrow. “Mom’s the only one who knew.”

I rise up on my knees and lock my arms around his neck.

He stiffens at first, but then he holds me, too. “I missed you so much,” he murmurs against my shoulder.

“I missed you, too.”

“Even if there’s a part of me that thinks you’ve gone crazy.”

I laugh a little, but he doesn’t let go, so I don’t either.

“I wish I could have met Noah,” I say.

He draws back and grimaces. Late-night traffic rolls past us, but the sidewalks are empty. “I don’t want him to get involved. I don’t want him to know about any of this.” He pulls his phone—a new one he must have gotten to replace the one I lost in Emberfall—out of his pocket and glances at it. “He’s at the hospital tonight anyway. He said he gets off at midnight, which really means he’ll be working until like six in the morning.”

“How’d you meet him?”

Jake hesitates, but then a small smile finds his lips. “I was buying coffee once. When I was there with Mom. You know. He’d forgotten his wallet, so I picked up his coffee, too.”

“He’s a doctor?”

“Yeah, but he’s still a resident.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“He’s still learning. He’s doing a rotation in a hospital. He’s in the ER now.”

“Sexy.”

He grins. “Yeah.”

My eyes burn again, for an entirely new reason.

“I can’t believe you want to leave,” says Jake. “You just got home.”

I press my hands to my face. “There’s too much at stake.”

“In Emberfall.” He hesitates. “There’s a lot at stake here, too, Harp.”

“Yeah.” I pause. “Please. Please come with me.”

“You know I don’t really believe in this whole thing you’re telling me.”