A Great and Terrible Beauty
"Where's the other one of your little foursome? Hiding in the woods?"
It takes me a second to realize he means Pippa. I remember the way he looked at her in the woods. He obviously hasn't stopped thinking of her. It's the first real kindness he's shown, and it's surprising how much it stings.
"She's ill," I say, irritably.
"Nothing serious, I hope."
I don't know why I feel so wounded by Kartik's obvious infatuation with Pippa. There's no romance between us. There's nothing that tethers us but this dark secret neither of us wants. It's not Kartik's longing that hurts. It's my own. It's knowing that I'll never have what she hasa beauty so powerful it brings things to you. I fear I will always have to chase the things I want. I'll always have to wonder whether I'm truly wanted or whether I've just been settled for.
"Nothing serious," I say, swallowing hard. "May I go in now?" I move to lift the flap but his hand grips my wrist. "Do not do this again," he warns, pushing me inside the tent while he walks off toward the forest to become the night's eyes, always watching me.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
"There you are" Felicity calls to me from a small table where she and Ann are sitting with the old Gypsy. "Mother Elena was just telling us the most interesting story about Ann becoming a great beauty."
"She told me I'm going to have many admirers," Ann interrupts, excited.
I make my way through a tent strewn with piles of books, colorful scarves, and bottles of herbs and tinctures of all kinds. A lantern hangs from a hook behind the old woman. The light is harsh and I can see how creased and brown her face is. Her ears are pierced, and she wears rings on every finger. She offers me a small basket with a few shillings in the bottom.
Felicity clears her throat, whispers. "Give her a few pence."
"But then I'll have nothing till my family's visit on Assembly Day," I whisper back.
"Give. Her. The pence," she says through smiling teeth.
With a heavy sigh, I drop my last few coppers into the basket. Mother Elena shakes it. Satisfied with their jingling sound, she empties the basket into her coin purse.
"Now, what will it be? The cards? The palm?"
"Yes, yes, yes. But not with Carolina in the room. Carolina, fetch some water now." There's no one else in the room. I'm starting to feel uneasy. Mother Elena's hands pat her cards. She tilts her head as if she's listening to something she has forgottena bit of song or a voice from the past. And when she looks up at me, it's as if we're old friends reunited.
Her hands place imaginary cakes on an imaginary tray. We all exchange curious looks. Is it an act, or is the poor old thing really as mad as a hatter? She offers the pretend tray to me.
"Mary, dear, don't be shy. Have a sweet. You're wearing your hair differently. It suits you."
Felicity nods, urges me to play along.
"Thank you, Mother."
"Now, where is our lively Sarah today?"
"Our Sarah?" I falter. Felicity jumps in. "She's off practicing the magic you taught her."
Mother frowns. "That I taught? Mother doesn't dabble in such things. Only the herbs and the charms for love and protection. You mean them."
"Them?" I repeat.
We're building a house of cards. One wrong question can send the whole tower tumbling before we reach the top.
"How do you know what sorts of things they teach us?" I ask.
The old woman taps the side of her head with a gnarled finger. "Mother knows. Mother sees. They see the future and the past. They shape it." She leans toward me. "They see the spirit world."
The whole room spins out of focus and comes back. Though the night is cold, sweat trickles down my neck, dampening my collar. "Do you mean the realms?"
Mother nods.
"Can you enter the realms, then, Mother?" I ask. The question reverberates in my ears. My mouth is dry.
"Oh, no. Only glimpse it. But you and Sarah have gone, Mary. My Carolina has told me you brought her sweet heather and myrtle from that garden." Mother's smile fades. "But there are other places. The Winterlands. Oh, Mary, I'm afraid of what lives there afraid for Sarah and you"