A Rescued Heart(10)
Author: Natalie Replogle

“Yes. He’s taking me over to Lake Michigan for the day.”

“That sounds like fun. Have you decided what you want after this date?”

It didn’t take her long to blurt out the question, but that didn’t come as a surprise to Ava. Jules was the type of person who told you what was on her mind whether you liked it or not. She wasn’t shy about announcing the elephant in the room, but at least she did it with tact.

“Jules, I know what I want, but I’m scared. I really like Matt and want to see him more, but I fear getting my heart broken again.”

It helped to release her anxiety by talking with someone and voicing her concerns.

“Ava, I know it’s unsettling for you to care for someone again, but you can’t let what happened with Tim control your life. It’s not healthy. You’re not giving God enough credit on how much He cares for you and you’re not giving Matt the benefit of the doubt. God knew what was going to happen with Tim before you even met him and He knows what life you could have with Matt in it. Have you prayed about what God wants in this situation?” Her best friend spoke in a caring voice as wisdom oozed from her words.

“I have been praying, but not like I should,” Ava admitted. Tears brimmed at the corners of her eyes. She couldn’t remember the last time she sat down and really sought after what the Lord wanted in her relationship with Matt.

“God is not a God of fear or worry. If you’re wavering in your decision on pursuing a relationship with him because you are afraid, then trust is not your issue with Matt, it’s with God. At some point you have to let go and have faith.”

“I know you’re right, I can’t live the rest of my life with this fear.” Jules handed her a tissue to help stop the tears running down her face. “What do I say tomorrow?”

“Have you told him anything about Tim yet?”

“No, not really.”

“Okay, then start there. Tell him your story and see where it goes. He might surprise you.”

Ava nodded in agreement, but her emotions kept her mute.

“Ava, come here, let me pray with you.” Jules push her blanket off and encircled Ava, speaking passionately to the Lord on her behalf. When she finished she gave her a hug and they agreed to watch a movie to take her mind off the situation. Ava would let it go for now, but when she got home tonight she and the Lord had a lot to talk about.

Matt woke up Saturday morning ready to face the day. He had spent many of his waking hours in bed last night praying for today and what would come of it. This third and final date in their agreement had him on edge. He couldn’t tell which way Ava teetered. He could tell she liked him, but she constantly kept him at a safe distance. Matt honestly didn’t have a clue which way she would go and it made his stomach tighten to think about the fact that after today he may never see her again.

He rolled out of bed, forcing himself to let the worry go. Matt knew what he wanted. Now it was just up to God and Ava.

Matt picked Ava up at ten and they headed out on their mini road trip. The weather had become uncommonly warm for the end of April thanks to a burst of high pressure that came through earlier in the week. They both dressed in jeans, short sleeve shirts and walking shoes for the beach. He was glad that Ava brought along a sweat shirt. The temperature dropped drastically by the water in the evening because of the breeze.

He planned to take her to the Lake Forest area. From Rockford there was not a direct road. He headed southeast toward Chicago and then cut up north. The trip took almost two hours, but the time passed quickly.

They shared about their life while growing up and some of their favorite childhood memories. They talked about their most embarrassing moments, their pet peeves, and their experiences in coming to know the Lord and being saved. Their conversation was random and jumped all over, but Matt enjoyed every minute. He wanted to know everything about her.

They reached Lake Forest around noon and found a charming café for lunch. Afterward they decided to check out the historic downtown and walked up and down the streets, admiring all the different quaint shops. Out at the lake they walked along the beach while Matt shared about a sailing experience he had a few years ago on Lake Michigan with some friends. An unexpected storm had come over the lake and no one was experienced enough to feel comfortable about the large waves. The storm hadn’t lasted long, but it was a fear he had never experienced before.

By the end of the afternoon they were each barefoot with their jeans rolled up. With all the walking they had done in the last few hours, they were both getting hungry. They headed back into town for dinner at the restaurant Matt had been raving about. The conversation was light, but not awkward. He knew they needed to talk about where they were going to go from here, but now was not the time. After he paid the bill they headed back to the beach and took residence at the spot they’d found earlier to sit and watch the sunset.

Along the beach a mound of rocks sat high enough that they didn’t get wet by the waves crashing against the shore, yet close enough that it felt like they might. The air quickly began to cool down. Matt helped Ava put on her sweat shirt before they sat down.

They didn’t rest long when Ava started to stiffen up and began playing with her fingernails. He was already picking up on her nervous habit.

“Matt … I … um … want to say thanks for being so patient with me these last few weeks. I know we need to talk about where we go from here, but first I need to explain to you where I’ve been.”

“I’m here, but don’t feel pressured to say anything. If you need more time, I understand.” Matt’s pulse quicken as she broached the subject. Time had expired. Would he be able to walk away from the woman he loved if that was her desire?Love? What? I’ve only known her for a couple weeks. Is that even possible?

“No. Please don’t think that you have pressured me in any way. I want to talk about this.”

He shifted to the left giving him a better angle to look at her square on. His eyes searched hers as he waited for her to continue. He braced himself mentally as she began.

Ava took a deep breath. “When I started college I met this guy, Tim, who was also in the education department and from Rockford. We quickly started dating and ended up staying together all through college. When we returned home after graduation I got my teaching job, but Tim couldn’t find one and finally had to relocate over an hour away.”

The pieces began to fall in place and Matt realized why she had acted so sketchy when she spoke about college on their first date. This guy obviously surrounded every detail of her college experience.

Matt noticed how she tried to keep her emotions in check while she told the story about how Tim had proposed and how they had planned to marry the following year. She said everything had been going well, but as the wedding approached, Tim became more distant.

“The day of the wedding, I was in my room fully dressed and ready to walk down the aisle when the news came that he cancelled the wedding.”

Tears slid down her cheeks, chasing each other. He brushed them away before she could. He slid his thumb across her cheek, not wanting to stop touching her soft skin. She looked up at him and smiled.

She had never looked so beautiful.

“He left a note telling me that he was sorry, but he couldn’t make me his wife.”

It crushed Matt to watch her have to relive the past. He could see the battle that raged within her. “Oh Ava, I am so sorry. It must have been horrible.” He wanted to wrap her up in his arms but chose to give her space.

“I was finally getting my life back to normal when he showed up at my door.”

Matt had to control his fury while she told him about their conversation. Anger bubbled in his veins when she said that Tim had spent time with another woman during their engagement and started to have feelings for her. The final blow came for Ava when she had found out he married this other woman shortly after. He was grateful, however, that the guy didn’t marry Ava when he wasn’t truly in love with her. A woman like Ava needed someone who couldn’t live without her.

Ava’s fear of being in a relationship completely made sense now. She had trusted this man and he broke that trust into a thousand pieces.

“It’s been almost two years now and the problem isn’t that I still have feelings for him or wish that we were still together. It’s just that his rejection cut so deep and I’ve lost trust in relationships and love. I feel wounded and I’m petrified to fall in love again.”

Ava turned away, trying to hide her face. She didn’t cry, but it was there beckoning at the threshold.

“Ava, look at me,” he said gently, barely above a whisper, waiting to speak until she turned to look in his eyes. “Do you like me?” It felt like a grade school question, but the simple words held so much impact.

“Yes.” Her answer held no hesitation.

“This we can work with. If your only reluctance is because you’re scared to care for me, then I can be patient and walk you through this fear. I’m not going anywhere.”

A ticking bomb couldn’t stress him out more than waiting for her reply. The sun shifted lower, causing shadows to shift. A few birds crept closer in search of food. The grass clustered in the sand whispered in the breeze. Ava could be a hostage negotiator for the way she could draw out a conversation.

“I do want to give us a chance.”

He let out a relieved sigh. “Okay, that’s all I need to know. We can just take it one day at a time.” He reached over and took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together. He pointed to the west as the sun began to set down over the trees. “I’ve been waiting for this all day.”

The colors were breathtaking. The sky filled with orange, yellow, and pink while the clouds stretched out, racing each other. They sat in a comfortable silence, just enjoying the moment of beauty. The waves crashing against the rocks were therapeutic. Ava shivered as the warmth of the sun slowly left them. He untangled their fingers and wrapped his arm around her, bringing her to his side. She laid her head on his shoulder and he breathed in the scent of her shampoo. It pleased him to see how comfortable she was with his touch and that she didn’t refuse and ask him to let go.

Matt spoke into her hair, keeping his voice low. “Did you know if you break your leg, when it heals, it’s stronger in that area?”

“I heard something like that. Are you an expert in this area too?”

His smile beamed. “No, but I think the same could be true about your heart. When it’s broken and you allow the Lord to heal it, I think He makes your heart stronger than it was before.”

“Oh Matt, you deserve someone so much better than me. I’ve got roller coaster emotions that will drive you crazy.”

Ava was her own biggest critic, but hearing her story, he understood. She had been rejected in the worst possible way and it so obvious that underneath it all, she blamed herself. Ava had left that relationship thinking something was wrong with her and that she didn’t have worth. It was time for someone to change her mind.

“Ava, I’d rather have a little crazy than to not have you at all. We’re going to get through this together.”

The moon illuminated her face and even in the twilight he saw a smirk form on her lips. “Okay, so you have me a little hooked with your suave words and stunning looks. So where do we go from here?”

“Stunning, huh?” She jabbed her elbow into his ribs. “Okay, okay, focus Matt. I get it. I was just hoping to see you every weekend, talk to you on the phone, and when you’re ready to admit that you’re my girlfriend, we’ll take it from there.”

“A little overconfident, don’t you think?”

“Hey, a little confidence never hurt a man. Seeing that I have suave words and stunning looks, you add confidence to that list and hopefully you’ll melt in no time.”

“You’re awful. What am I going to do with you?”

“Hmm … I have a few ideas.”

“That’s okay, I’ll figure it out myself.”

“Just here to help.”

He brought his arm around her shoulder for a hug. She nestled her cold face into his neck and it burned against his warm skin.

They sat nestled together, enjoying each other’s presence in the darkness that surrounded them. The night turned late and the rocks had become uncomfortable. They decided to head home. Two hours of driving still awaited them.

After a drive punctuated by a few laughs and musings but mostly cloaked in relaxed silence, they reached her apartment shortly before midnight. Matt walked her up the flight of stairs to her door.

“Thank you for such a wonderful day and thanks again for the flowers, it was very thoughtful,” Ava said softly.

“You’re welcome.”

Her next move came as a complete surprise. She lunged forward and wrapped her arms around his neck and held him in a tight embrace. Without hesitation he brought his arms around her waist and brought her even closer. A penny couldn’t have been wedged between them. Matt wasn’t sure how long they stood there holding each other, but when she released, he didn’t like the distance.

“Wow, I should get you flowers more often.”

“Are you always full of this much wit and charm?”

“I guess you’ll have to just stick around and see.”

He moved his hand up to her face and tucked some hair behind her ear. “Sleep well, Ava. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Matt walked down to his Jeep in sweet relief. They had a long road ahead of them, but a road well worth traveling.

The alarm going off didn’t sound right as Ava reached over to her night stand to shut off the shrill. After hitting the snooze button twice she realized it wasn’t her alarm clock, but the phone. She glanced over at the bright red numbers screaming back at her, announcing that it was ten minutes after three o’clock in the morning. Ava shot up out of bed and answered the phone in a panic.