Accidentally…Cimil? (Accidentally Yours #4.5)(17)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

“The only thing you will get from me is the final blow. And I don’t mean the sexy kind. Get up,” I growled.

He was up on his feet, standing over me within the blink of an eye.

“You’re wasting your precious time, Narmer. I wouldn’t cross the street to poke you in the eye. And trust me, I really enjoy poking people in the eye.”

“You must reconsider, Cimil. Do you have any idea the hell I have endured these past millennia? I go to sleep thinking about the woman I hate, who destroyed my life. I wake up with an enormous erection, still thinking about you. It makes me sick.”

“Awww. How sweet. He likes you, Cimil,” said Other-me.

“Shut up,” I replied to her.

“Who are you speaking to?” Narmer asked, glancing between the corner of the room and me.

“Silence!” I barked.

Narmer studied me with curiosity as I completed my conversation. With myself. Ugh. I am so crazy!

“Silence is unknown to me,” Other-me said. “But before you respond with one of your whimsical replies, like ‘Shut your big whorey mouth,’ I ask you to think before you respond to this vampire. What does your instinct tell you to do?” Other-me asked.

“You know exactly what it’s saying.”

“Then you must do the opposite,” she counseled. “You must help him.”

“No!”

“Just try it,” she argued. “See what happens. Maybe I’ll disappear!”

I clamped my eyes shut. Shit, shit, shit. So unfair! I clenched my fists and pasted on an expression that wasn’t quite a smile, but was, at the very least, nontoxic.

“I hate you,” I told her.

Narmer crossed his arms over his chest, glaring. “So, this is your answer. This is how you choose to treat me?”

Wh-wh-what? Oh my gods! How dare he—

“I figured you might play your hand in such a way,” he said and then bowed his head. “Very well. I came prepared.”

I growled. He was making this “sucking it up for the sake of humanity” thing almost impossible.

“You will help me or—”

“Or what?” I hissed. I simply couldn’t hold my tongue. “Or you’ll screw some poor woman in front of me while draining the life from her, murder my beloved pet, and then remove my head? Again!” I pushed him, but he didn’t budge. “Well, screw you and the leather pants you rode in on, because there is no one, and I mean no in this world that I’d rather—”

I was about to say “kill,” but Other-me interrupted. “Watch yourself, Cimil. Remember our mission. Humanity depends on you.”

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! I stomped my foot. This situation sucked camel humps.

I took a deep breath.

“In exchange for your consideration,” he said. “I will return your beast. I merely ask thirty days to prove to myself you are not the love of my existence.”

I covered my mouth with my hand. “Minky is alive?”

He nodded. “Do we have a deal?”

“You lied to me?” I growled.

“Yes or no?” he said sharply. “Decide.”

All this time, I’d been without her, thinking my beloved pet was dead? And he said nothing? He let me suffer? I am going to kill him.

I pasted on a smile. “Yes. Yes, we do.”

Narmer bowed his head. “I will return tomorrow evening at sundown.”

He swooped from the room in a blur.

I grumbled several ugly words in the direction he’d left.

“You know, Cimi,” said Other-me, “simply because you’re supposed to help the man doesn’t mean you can’t play with him a little. I mean, I can’t see how a little payback is going to throw us off track.”

I planned to do a lot more than deliver a little payback.

* * *

In preparation for Narmer’s arrival, I bathed in rose-scented soap, put on the lowest cut dress I could find—the red silk number with white lace trim—and wore my flaming-red hair in loose, wild ribbons down my back. My look screamed “sex kitten,” though that term didn’t exist yet, so I supposed the appropriate term should’ve been “whore.”

I had to admit I felt excited dressing for him, knowing that I would see him and finally have the chance to give him a little taste of revenge. Because while the last four thousand–something years had zoomed by, there wasn’t a day that went by since we met where I didn’t think of him. And trust me, I tried not to. I did everything within my power to drown the memories—knitting, gardening, poetry, hosting orgies—but nothing worked. Seeing Narmer again made me realize that it was because he and I had unfinished business. Mainly, I had a score to settle.

“Good evening, my goddess.” Narmer appeared before me, grasping a handful of wildflowers. My first reaction was to rip them from his hand and beat him with them, but instead, I gracefully stood from my love seat, accepted them from his hand, and allowed him to bask in my hotness.

His dark eyes flickered with lust as he drank me in. “You look”—he reached for my free hand and kissed the top—“delectable.”

I snapped my appendage away. “Thanks, but you can turn off the charm. I’ve been with enough of your kind to know how this vampire seduction works.”

Narmer frowned. “What do you mean by ‘been with’?”

I licked my lips. “Been. As in, bedded. Played in the sack. Rode until cross-eyed. You do know that vampires and deities are sexually compatible, yes? Sadly, the rest of my kind feels they are too good to do the hokey-pokey with a vampire. I, however, have taken a liking to it. In fact, it’s like a competitive sport. I like to see which ones last the longest.”

It was true. The touch of a deity wasn’t fatal for a vampire, which made it ironic that my brethren saw nothing of value in their race, with the exception of Kinich, of course, who still held a certain morbid fascination with their kind. After the Narmer incident, I had a very long discussion with my brethren, keeping their origin secret to myself obviously. They saw the vampires as just another one of the Creator’s creatures, brought into the world for the sole purpose of teaching us humility. A reminder of sorts to keep our egos in check. They were kinda, sorta right, but not quite.

In any case, while my brethren had a healthy fear of vampires, they mostly loathed them. I, on the other hand, viewed them as an invaluable asset to my all-out attempt to destroy humanity—er, save humanity. You get the picture.