Accidentally…Cimil? (Accidentally Yours #4.5)(22)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

“I know you’re there, Narmer.” He’d been watching me for the last hour as I finished up the last of my gardening.

I stood up and dusted the dirt from my hands and the front of my pink sundress.

“Roberto. My name is now Roberto. And if I may ask,” he said, “why are you collecting bugs?”

I looked down at the wooden bucket at my side. It was dark outside now, but I knew it was crawling with six-legged critters. “Interviewing witnesses.”

One of my many wild gifts was the ability to transform humans into insects. I hated insects, all those little spindly, wiggly little legs. Ick! So once I cursed someone, they were tossed outside. Unfortunately, I’m not perfect. Once in a while, I lose my temper and transform someone I shouldn’t. Then I’ve got to look for them and try to turn them back. It never works out well.

Poor, poor Smithy. But I’d warned him not to hurt Minky.

Yes, but it cannot be easy shoeing an invisible creature.

“Whatever you say.” Roberto dipped his head.

I grabbed the bucket and turned for the house. “May I ask why you’re here?”

He trailed behind me in complete ninja silence. “I have done as you requested.”

I stopped and turned, remembering to stifle my urge to poke him in the eye. With a spork! “Excellent. However, you do realize that was one week ago—wait…” I plucked a strand of flaming-red hair from his collar. “What’s this?”

“It is hair from the wig I wore. As I said, I did what you asked.”

“You dressed like a clown in public, and I missed it? Hell, Narm—Roberto, where’s the fun in that?”

“A na**d clown. I wore only the wig. And your instructions did not include your having to be present. However, there are plenty of challenges left, so if you wish me to repeat the task, you merely need ask. Although…” He scratched his rough, sprouting beard. “You will need to loan me the money to acquire more makeup and another wig.”

“You really gave up all of your money?”

He nodded.

I suddenly had the urge to spank him like a wild woman. With my tongue. While he moaned with excruciating pleasure that only I could deliver.

“You’re serious?” I asked.

“Of course. I am a vampire. We are always serious.”

Oh, that was rich. Or poor. Whichever. This ex-pharaoh probably hadn’t gone one day in his entire life without a legion of servants and enough wealth to support a small kingdom. And he’d given it up for me? Swoon. Sigh. And… melt.

“What happened to the wig?” I asked.

“The crowd to which I declared my stupidity and love for you—which I would like to point out did not cast a very flattering light upon you—was more than happy to relieve themselves of their rotten vegetables while I stood there.”

How had I missed this? And… dammit all to hell! I’m starting to like him again.

What? No! You hate him. He’s a total cretin!

“Sounds like fun. So, why are you here again?”

Roberto followed me inside as I made my way through the kitchen, up the servant staircase and to my quarters on the third floor. “Pepe! Start me a bath, would ya?” I barked. Pepe was one of my hunky manservants.

Pepe appeared shirtless, rippling, shiny. I sighed with a deep appreciation.

“Yes, my goddess?” he said, standing tall and firm, like a mighty man-oak.

Roberto growled. “Why is this man nude? And why have you told him what you are? I understood this to be a secret.”

I tilted my head, ogling away at Pepe. “He’s not nude. He’s wearing hot pants. You like? I had them custom-made. They’re all the rage in the future. Mostly for women, but I’m egalitarian all the way. For example, during the day, I put Pepe in them to chop wood while I watch. Then I chop his wood.” I sighed for effect. “So entertaining. Almost as fun as when I have him lie down nude while I butter him with coconut oil. It’s called sunbathing.” I looked Roberto over. “You should try it sometime. That pale, pasty vampire skin doesn’t suit you at all.” Roberto used to be one of the yummiest, golden-brown men I knew, like a roasted coffee bean. Now he was the color of lightly toasted bread.

“Sunbathing. Very amusing, Cimil.”

I shrugged. “I have my moments.”

“Send him away before I drink him.”

“Roberto, are you jealous?”

Pepe was pretty yummy; however, he was human and, therefore, untouchable. Roberto seemed to have forgotten that.

“Yes. Now send him away so you and I may converse in private.”

“Pepe, do as the pasty man asks and start my bath. I’ll be there in a moment. And I want the special scrub down tonight. I’m feeling especially dirty.” I winked.

Roberto growled.

“Okay. Speak.” I walked into my bedchamber and started shedding my dirty clothes.

Roberto growled again, and then his eyes locked on me. “I… I… forgot what I was about to say.”

I stood in my chemise, knowing full well it was as sheer as a layer of morning dew.

“You were about to tell me why you’ve returned when clearly you loathe me and my evil ways. By the way, I think you ought to do an evil self-check, ’cause brainwashing a unicorn definitely falls under the sinister category.”

“Ah yes.” He scratched his bristly chin. “I’d meant to explain that little detail. It seems that after many thousands of years in the daily company of my men, she now believes she is one of us. My sincerest apologies.” He dipped his head. “Perhaps with time…”

Ugh! “Blah, blah, blah… why are you here?” I snapped.

He walked over to my bed and sank down, staring at the floor. “To say that I was wrong. I should not have been so quick to believe Mitnal. I realize now that being raised with siblings who looked only to destroy me has tainted my view of the world.”

I stared at Roberto and tried to ignore any feelings of sympathy. He’d caused me thousands of years of pain.

“I’d say I accept your apology, but us evildoers don’t know how.”

He ignored the jab. “I also came to say that you were right. I feel there is goodness in you. But I do not understand why you are helping the Obscuros and Maaskab.”

“Because the evil in me says I should punish you. What better way than to help your enemies?” It wasn’t true, but I hoped the answer stung a little.

Anger flickered in his dark, desolate eyes. He moved with dizzying speed and grabbed me by the waist, holding my body firmly to him. I was about to tell him to back off, but that’s when I felt it. His warmth. His hardness. That little spark deep inside my chest and lower, much, much lower. For as many vampires as I’d gone to bed with, trying to rid myself of any feelings I had for their king, not one held a match to the bonfire of raw, needy, emotions Narmer—err, Roberto—had sparked within me.