Accidentally…Cimil? (Accidentally Yours #4.5)(8)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

I pushed away and slapped him. Hard.

Rage flickered in his eyes. “What in the gods’ name was that?”

In my name? In my name? I huffed and then poked him. “No! You tell me what that was!”

“That was called a kiss.”

“Well—well, I know that! But where do you get off kissing me like that? All wet and…” Dammit, that was a hot kiss. Is this what I’ve been missing out on?

The pharaoh quirked a brow. “And what?”

I crossed my arms and looked away. Yummy. It was yummy. “Horrible. Worst kiss I’ve ever had. Were you taught by a camel?”

“A camel?” he roared. “I will show you a camel.”

The pharaoh reached for me, but I hopped away. “Oh no, you don’t! I don’t want any of those sloppy humpbacked desert mammal kisses. And you smell like one, too!” He actually smelled delicious, like exotic oils and spices, but the insult felt like a winner, so I went with it.

He chased me around the room. I leaped onto the bed and almost made it to the other side, but his hand snagged my ankle and jerked me back. I lost my footing and fell, flopping onto the bed facedown. He immediately jumped onto my back, pinning my hands above my head, straddling me.

“Let go of me!” I squirmed, but he was much, much larger, and I, powerless without my… um… powers.

“No. Not until you submit.”

“Never!” I screamed.

“Then I shall never let you go,” he growled.

Stubborn man! I growled back.

He growled again.

I meowed.

He…

… Burst out laughing.

* * *

Infectious. I’d never heard such a beautifully deep, masculine laugh. Its uninhibited joy sank into my bones and hummed inside my head. It inspired visions of unicorns and rainbows—the natural kind. Not the ones Minky made, which were colorful but not without a strange odor. Anyway, his laugh was pure… loveliness.

He rolled off me onto his back, laughing with such ferocity that he could barely breathe. I sat up and watched him, unable to help myself from smiling. He went on and on, like a man who’d not laughed in decades and the dam had finally burst.

“If I’d known the secret to removing that stick from your ass was meowing, I would have started a week ago,” I said. “Pinned a tail to my skirt, too.”

Tiny tears trickled from the corners of his dark eyes. Thank goodness he didn’t wear his ceremonial manliner; otherwise, he’d be a complete mess.

He whisked the tears away, sat up, and looked at me. Not just looked, but beamed. “You are a most peculiar goddess.”

“You are one batshit crazy pharaoh. And while we’re on the subject, exactly why were you laughing?”

He scratched his clean-shaven chin. “I suppose it’s the absurdity of the situation. I have spent my entire life on the throne, ruling the people, trusting that the divine blood in my veins would guide me.”

Should I tell him he doesn’t have any divine blood? Many cultures believed their rulers were descendants of the gods and therefore had the right to rule, but the truth was that they were just normal humans who’d been born at the right time to the right family. Nahh… let him live his dream.

“However,” he continued, “nothing could have prepared me for this—for you.” He reached out and ran his finger along my jaw. “Such a wild creature.”

I couldn’t stop it from happening. I couldn’t. Like he’d been deprived of laughter, I’d been deprived of affection. I’d do just about anything to feel that sensation again, the sensation of being whole. When he’d kissed me, that dark, hollow pit deep inside my chest had filled with something wonderful, something joyous. He was the light inside that dark, damp, wet, and dreary cave I called my heart. I wanted more.

“Kiss me again,” I commanded.

His smile melted away and was replaced by a look of raw, carnal hunger. He stared into my eyes as he leaned over and lightly pressed his lips to mine. He slipped his tongue inside and stroked me gently. The warmth of his mouth flooded my face, neck, and chest, eventually making its way deep down inside. For the first time ever, the gears in the old girlie factory started to turn and my female bits ignited.

I jumped on top and straddled his body, kissing him with shameless neediness. I ran my hands over his chest, indulging my urge to worship his masculine form—hard and soft, all in one package.

Speaking of package…

His large shaft lengthened and hardened against my now tingly womanly parts. I moaned. The heat of him felt so sinfully delicious.

He ran his large hands over my br**sts. I knew their size and shape would please him; mortal males could never resist gazing at them. Normally, I thought that was silly, but now, knowing my human form excited him, it pleased me.

His hands made their way down to my bare midriff where he gripped firmly and began rocking me in time to the rhythm of his own hips.

Oh my gods. I think he’s starting a fire down there! The delicious friction was more than I could stand. I pulled away from his lips, wanting to see his exquisitely masculine face.

Lids heavy, he looked into my eyes, and… screamed at the top of his lungs!

He threw me, and I tumbled off the bed onto the cold stone floor. “What the hell?”

I peeked over the edge of the bed to see him writhing in pain, cupping the fabric over his penis.

Oops. I forgot to tell him about that. “Um… Narmer.” I reached his shoulder and tapped, but he simply rolled back and forth, agonizing.

“Narmer?”

“Aaaah. What?” he groaned.

“About that little raging fire on your totem pole. I, uh—”

“You will pay for this, goddess.” He sat up, putting his back to me.

“What?”

His face, beet red, turned toward me. “You think you can make a fool of me? Don’t you?”

Why… of course I did, but I thought that of everyone! Nuff said. But why had he thought I’d done that on purpose? Had he forgotten he’d put that stupid collar on me? I had no powers. But that didn’t mean I could help what I was. My body still radiated concentrated energy. I was a goddess, after all, made of pure light. The form he saw with his eyes was merely a shell that allowed me to enter the physical realm, the realm of humans. But I wasn’t human, and he wasn’t a deity. We weren’t compatible. In fact, prolonged exposure would kill him. Fry him right up like a side of bacon. Crispy king.

There was no getting around it; I was destined to be alone forever.