Accidentally…Over? (Accidentally Yours #5)(16)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Had Death threatened to spank her? What the hell? “You just try it. I don’t care if you are Death. No one spanks a grown woman. That’s totally machista and lame.”

“Death? I am not Death.”

“Oh, sure. Like I’m going to believe anything you say.”

“I am incapable of lying. It is not in my nature.”

Ashli burst out laughing, which really hurt. Ouuuuuch!

“Do not mock me, woman. I speak the truth. Why would I drive you to the hospital if I wanted you to die?”

Good question. “Um. Because you’re a sick bastard who’s been playing with me for years, stalking me in my slee—Wait. You drove me here?”

“That is correct. And do you have any idea how hard it is for a male of my proportions to drive such a tiny vehicle? I am seven feet in height. I scarcely fit behind your steering wheel. I will also highlight that you should park your car in the shade. My ass is still burning.”

Ashli blinked. This wasn’t happening. She had to be dreaming this up. “Your… uh… ass?”

“Well, yes,” he said. “Merely because you cannot see me doesn’t mean that I do not have an ass. One with feeling.”

So why was he complaining about his ass? Unless… She started laughing, rubbing her hands over her face. “Oh, this is juicy. Death is stalking me. And he’s a seven-foot-tall na**d guy with the voice of an angel and smells like fresh mountain air mixed with holiday baked goods.”

“You like my voice?” he said with eager curiosity.

The doctor entered the room, startling Ashli.

“Buenas tardes, Ashli.” She knew Rubin, aka Dr. Ruiz, because he came by the coffee shop all the time. He was in his late thirties with a lean build and a very charming smile. Her cleaning lady also took care of his house and loved to gossip about all of the random women who showed up, bearing gifts of homemade cookies, cakes, pozole, and tamales. There wasn’t a single woman in town who hadn’t tried to snag him. Except Ashli, of course. What was the point of dating or falling in love when death loomed over you? Didn’t seem practical. Or fair to the guy.

“Hi, Rubin,” Ashli said.

“Ashli, lovely to see you as usual.” Rubin leaned over her and flashed his penlight in her eyes. “You lost a little blood and have a concussion. I suggest you stay here for the remainder of the afternoon, but you should be fine.” He flicked the IV bag with his finger. “Do you have someone to drive you home?”

Ashli shook her head no. Owwww. Don’t do that.

Rubin glowed with a smile. “Then it would be my pleasure to take you after my shift.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve waited a very long time to have the elusive Ashli Rosewood all to myself.” He winked.

Strange. It wasn’t like Dr. Ruiz to be overtly flirtatious. He had asked her out once on a run, but that was over a year ago. She’d politely declined, making up some excuse, but hadn’t really thought much of it. Rubin continued to come by every few days, drink his coffee, and read his paper. Being the sort of man that was more into himself than anyone else, he’d never made an effort. Not that it would have made a difference. She didn’t date. But now, he was flirting big-time.

“I will be back to check on you shortly,” he said. “Let us know if you need anything for the pain, back rub, candlelit bubble bath, the key to my house. The numbing shot I gave you will begin to wear off shortly.”

“Uh, I’m good?” And speechless.

Rubin eyeballed her, grinning like a fiend.

“Really. I’m good,” she repeated.

The doctor and his creepy smile exited the room rear end first.

“Slimy bastard is going to get a visit from my foot up his ass. What sort of doctor hits on his patient?” said the deep voice in a tone so stark it made her heart palpitate.

“Sorry?”

“Nothing,” he said. “You and I need to talk. I must understand the nature of your comments. Why do you believe that Death has been stalking you?”

This conversation was simply too surreal for words. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?” His voice filled the room every time he spoke. Why did it have that strange effect, like his voice flowed right through her and she heard him with her entire body instead of with just her ears?

“This!” she hissed. “I can’t keep talking to thin air.”

“Of course you can. You are doing it quite well.”

It was funny—this man, or whatever he was, spoke with the naivety of child and the authority of a king. He was kind of sweet but a total a-hole at the same time. It was a strange combination. If she was, in fact, losing her mind, she had to give herself a few brownie points for originality.

She sighed.

“Perhaps,” he said, “if I were to introduce myself, you might feel more at ease.”

Oh, nice. Let’s make friends. “Why not?”

“Excellent.” She felt the bed sink on one side. The indentation of where he sat was in the shape of an… ass?

“Are you really naked?” she asked.

“Yes. Did I not say that already? Are your ears not functioning properly?”

A-hole.

“But I suppose it deserves an explanation,” he added.

Sweet.

“I will start by explaining that I am a god. An ancient god. And you will do well to heed my every word.”

Huh?

“Because I have come here with the sole purpose of saving your life.”

Scary.

“What? Why?” she asked.

She heard the faint sound of whiskers being scratched. Of course, how can he shave if he’s invisible? she thought to herself sarcastically.

“I cannot provide many details,” he said, “because I do not have them. However, twenty years from now, you will do something very important for humanity. You will stop the end of the world if you survive, which you will. Because I am here to save you.”

Annnnd add crazy. Sweet, crazy, scary a-hole.

She closed her eyes. This was simply all too much.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Trying to fall asleep so I can wake back up,” she explained.

“Ashli. This is most serious. I assure you. Otherwise, why would I waste my time with you?”

Pompous. Add pompous.

“Oh, trust me. I’m taking this seriously,” she said.

She felt his hot breath wash over her face. The bed sank to either side of her head. Was he leaning over her?