Ashes

“I have a right to see her,” she said sharply.

“Yes, but…”

Cassie turned swiftly away, grabbing her shoes from the hall closet. She didn’t care what they had to say anymore, she was going. Come hell or high water, she was going to see her grandmother. She didn’t care that she wasn’t wearing socks as she slipped her sneakers on. Seizing hold of her coat, she turned back to the officer’s.

“Where is she?”

“Miss…” The woman broke off as Cassie gazed fiercely at her. There would be no dissuading her, and although the woman officer didn’t like it, she was not going to argue any further. “We’ll take you over,” she said softly, ignoring the shocked look her partner sent her.

Cassie nodded briskly. “Follow me over,” she said to Chris, not bothering to look at him as she pounded down the stairs after the officers.

Devon moved to stop her, his long fingered hand reached for her. She sidestepped him easily, her eyes narrowing fiercely upon him. She did not wish to be touched or comforted right now. Keeping her head high, she slid into the backseat of the police car, not looking back as the cruiser pulled slowly out of the drive. Chris and Devon hurried to their cars, pulling out behind the cruiser they followed slowly behind.

Cassie didn’t see anything on the ride, nothing registered past the haze that surrounded her. Anger hummed through her veins, pain constricted her chest in a tight vice grip. She could hardly breathe, and she found herself not caring. She didn’t want to breathe. She would be ok if all movement, all functions of survival simply shut down. For she felt shut down, she felt cold, and hollow, and numb. If her grandmother could no longer breathe, no longer see this world, then why should she still be able to? Cassie shuddered, her fingers dug tighter into her arms as she clung to them, unable to move, unable to think past the anguish tearing through her.

The world went by in a swift blur as they drove to the hospital. Upon arrival, Cassie found herself moving through a thick fog as she followed the officers into the lower level of the building.

She barely acknowledged Chris and Devon following behind her as she made her way through the sterile, dimly lit halls. “Wait here,” the woman said briskly, leaving Cassie standing outside a set of double doors.

She stood stiffly, her hands fisted at her sides as she stared at the thick steel doors. Devon and Chris did not try to approach her again. They seemed to realize that she did not want their touch. She couldn’t handle it right now. She didn’t know how much time passed, for she had no concept of time in this world of pain and suffering, but she didn’t think it was much.

A young, dark haired man in a lab coat stepped out of the double doors. His dark gaze darted swiftly over the three of them before settling on Cassie. “Miss, I…”

“I want to see my grandmother,” she cut in harshly, not wanting to listen to any more people trying to dissuade her from her course.

His eyes widened slightly, he licked his lips nervously before nodding slowly. “Ok miss, but I must warn you that there is some damage to the body.”

Cassie shuddered, her eyes closed as a small moan of anguish escaped her. The body? The body! Her mind screamed against the word. The woman in there was not a body, she was her grandmother! But even as the words shrieked through her mind, she knew that they were not true. What was inside that room was no longer her grandmother. What was in there was only the shell of the person that had taken care of her, and raised her with so much love and tenderness.

Inside that room was the only blood family Cassie had ever known, the only family that had ever loved her unconditionally. For a moment she wavered, uncertain if she could do this. Then, anger snapped back through her, suffusing her in its secure cocoon as it helped to shove aside her doubt. The pain dwindled in the face of the thick haze of rage encompassing her. If she stayed angry, then she didn’t have to face anything. If she stayed angry, she could make it through this. If she did not stay mad, she would turn into a blubbering mess on the floor. She would turn into a person incapable of doing anything other than crying.

She owed it to her grandmother not to become that person. She owed it to her grandmother to learn the truth, and to get justice for the cruelty that had been committed last night. She owed it to her grandmother to see that her killer was destroyed.

“I want to see,” Cassie managed to choke out.

The man nodded, but his eyes darted nervously to Chris and Devon. It was more than apparent that he wanted them to step in and attempt to change her mind. “Cassie,” Devon said softly, reaching out to gently touch her arm.

She jerked back, her eyes darting wildly to him. Dismay and hurt filled his emerald eyes, worry and love radiated from him. Again, Cassie felt herself wavering in the face of that love. For a moment the fury melted as anguish blazed forth. She opened her mouth to speak, her heart flipped wildly in her chest. Devon could make this a little better, in his arms she could find the shelter that she sought, the protection and love that she so desperately needed right now.

In his arms, she would not hurt as much.

She took a small step toward him before fully recalling why she was here, what it was that she needed to do. She could not continue to hide behind him, she had to face this head on; she could not let this go unresolved. Her grandmother had sacrificed so much for her, had kept her alive when many others had been killed. Yet Cassie had been curled up in Devon’s arms last night, hidden from the world, while her grandmother was being terrorized and murdered.

Hatred swamped her, disgust and self loathing consumed her. Her grandmother deserved far better than what Cassie had given her. Tearing her arm away from Devon, she glared fiercely at him, taking a shuddery breath as she tried to get air past the intense pressure in her chest. “Don’t,” she growled.

His hand fell away, pain blazed from his eyes. He looked quickly to Chris, but Chris wisely chose not to try and dissuade her. “I want to see my grandmother now.”

The man’s dark eyes darted once more to Chris and Devon, when they showed no signs of helping him, his shoulders slumped in defeat. “Please follow me,” he said softly.

Cassie followed stiffly behind him; the stench of the astringent chemicals barely pierced the hard wall encasing her. She was well aware of the fact that from this moment on, her life would never be the same. Well aware of the fact that she would never be the same again.

The man paused outside another door; taking out a key card he slid it through the machine next to the door. The doors opened with a soft whoosh. Fluorescent light filtered on in the room, lighting the hard tile and cold floor. Cassie’s eyes widened as she took in the sheet enshrouded table in the middle. Her heart hammered with the painful certainty that her grandmother lay under that sheet.