Beautiful Disaster

"I won’t lie, I’m a little hurt that you don’t want to marry me. Maybe it’s old-fashioned of me, but somehow the thought that there’s something there that really ties us together, makes you mine as much as me yours is something I’ve been looking forward to. But I won’t be devastated if we just live together in wild sin forever instead. I don’t need a formal commitment in front of witnesses to be happy with you."

She nods, clearly relieved.

"I’m not even saying no to marriage forever. If the day comes when we both want it, I’ll be the happiest woman alive to become your wife. But I don’t think we’re there yet. Do you?"

"No," I finally admit after swallowing hard. We really aren’t, and suddenly I’m glad that she has dragged this issue up.

The intensity in her gaze increases as she listens to my admission, until she looks even a little giddy.

"What would you say if we make our own kind of commitment?"

"Such as?"

More lip biting ensues, but I’m sure that it’s not a conscious effort to drive me insane.

"Well, I just told you that I’m really into what we’ve been up to of late?"

"Yes, like ten minutes ago, I’m not that senile yet."

Bella laughs but isn’t so easily deterred from her speech.

"What if we base our commitment on that? I mean, it should be something special and meaningful for us, and no one else. No one else needs to know or understand or approve."

I’m slowly starting to get what she means but still wait for her to spell it out.

"I’ve been thinking about this a lot this week," she confesses. "And I’ve done some reading. I know that you’re not into the whole 24/7 thing, and neither am I, but I have to admit, I wouldn’t mind if we kind of, well, put a little more emphasis on our D/s relationship."

"Such as?"

It’s fun to see her squirm, her cheeks resuming a faint blush, but she doesn’t evade my gaze.

"Obviously that’s up to you," she quips, then offers me a sweet smile. "But aside from playing more often or trying to up the intensity or something, I figured we could find something a little more substantial." Again she stops, and I’m starting to wonder if she would speed up if I plain out ordered her to spill it.

"Bella?"

"Hm?"

"Stop dragging this out. Whatever is spinning round and round in that beautiful head of yours is very likely not that out there, or nothing I haven’t heard a few times already."

She makes a face for a moment, probably thinking I’ve insulted her lack of creativity, but then she relaxes again, even smirks.

"What do you think of getting matching tattoos? And I mean matching in the way of we both choose something on our own, but add a small detail from the other’s design. That way if things go really wrong between us we’re not stuck with each other’s name on our left butt cheek or something for all eternity."

I really like the idea, and my grin must have given me away because Bella whoops and then kisses me with a passion and hunger that’s so like her when she gets her way. Not that I’m complaining, not at all.

Kissing soon turns to more, but for once my mind won’t shut up, and before she can get her hands into my shorts I stop her, much to my cock’s dismay.

"Do you have anything important planned this weekend?"

"Why?"

"How about we schedule your birthday present for this weekend? Just call the resort, get in the car, in three hours we should be there and then it’s the whole weekend just for us."

"But don’t you have to work?" she interjects, way too reasonable.

"I’ll just call in sick. They can do without me for two days, and I’ve been working my ass off for the last months, I need a break."

She’s still skeptical, but when I gently push her off me so I can reach for the phone she doesn’t protest. I first call my boss, then the resort, and within ten minutes Bella is running up into the bedroom to start packing.

Amanda’s knowing laugh is still ringing in my ears when I follow her but turn the other way upstairs to get a few things from the playroom. I guess my lie has been pretty obvious, seeing as it’s only been fifty minutes since Amanda has last seen me perfectly healthy, but I’m sure I will find a way to make it up to her.

Contemplating for a few minutes what I could do to her this weekend I only pack some rope and a few toys as a rather devious idea starts forming in my mind.

A short while later we’re both sitting in the car, excited and grinning as we leave the city for the countryside. After she’s done f**king with the radio stations again Bella leans back and regards me levelly.

"Still weird. I would have thought that when I tell you I want you to go mean on my cute little ass more often you’d lock us in at home, not take a vacation from all that."

I don’t even have to work on turning my grin into a lopsided, evil smile.

"Who says I’m planning to leave your ass alone the next few days?"

She takes that in with her lips pursed, but then starts laughing.

"Let me guess, it was unnecessary wishful thinking when I packed that new lingerie I got last week?"

"I wouldn’t say that," I muse. "But you better keep everything you want to wear ever again in your bags, because I can’t guarantee that the rest will be in any state resembling proper clothes when I’m done with you."

Bella only bites her lip again but doesn’t reply, and the glazed over look on her face tells me that she definitely approves.

I think a few days away from home and the established routines will do us a lot of good.

Chapter 20

Sometimes all you need is talk, and all problems will miraculously resolve themselves.

I’ve never fully believed in this, but now I think I’m converted. The farther we get from home, the freer I feel, as if an invisible weight has been lifted off my chest, and judging from the carefree way Bella is talking and laughing next to me, I’m sure I’m not the only one thinking like that. Part of me is still a little sore about her not wanting to marry me, but I’ve really meant it when I’ve told her I don’t need to seal our love for each other with any kind of contract.

Obviously it’s not the fact that we won’t tie that knot after all that has us both exuberant, but that for the first time in ages I at least feel unencumbered. Like everything is resolved, all issues are dealt with, and we get a chance at a fresh start. I even have to admit that in a twisted kind of way it’s a relief to see that Bella is also struggling with the shit Jazz has been spreading. I really don’t want her to hurt, and I wish that I’d have the words to wipe all her concerns away, but it also shows that she finally realizes the situation I’ve been in ever since that day. Why her forgiveness alone didn’t just make everything okay. And just like she has helped me drag myself out of the emotional hole I’ve dug myself in deep, I intend to lend her a hand to get out of her own.

We arrive at the resort a while after nightfall, and Bella snickers when the nice elder lady at the reception apologizes to us that they’ve had to give us the most remote cabin they have. A short while later we’re all settled in, ready to fall right into bed and chase the last ghosts of anxiety from our earlier talk away – but Bella has other plans.

"Did you see the hot tub out back?"

I haven’t, actually, but she’s not even waiting for my answer. By the time I’ve managed to locate it in the absolute dark between the cozy little cabin and the forest Bella is already naked, and up for some skinny-dipping mischief. Only carrying two candles to make up for the lack of illumination she ‘forgets’ to turn on for obvious reasons she’s out of the room over the patio door before I know what’s happening, her disappearance followed by splashing sounds and her delightful laughter teasing me.