Beautiful Disaster

Which explains why he has shown up here instead of getting a hotel room –

besides the obvious comfort he must he seeking. Sometimes being able to just talk to someone is worth more than a fat paycheck.

"What exactly do you plan to do with that business?"

He shrugs at my question.

"Pretty much whatever we can get, at the moment. Barry’s planning to get us a shot at outsourced project planning, but I’d be happy with a few web design jobs, too."

I hesitate for a moment, but then speak what comes to my mind nevertheless.

"I know Beth is thinking about getting a new software for the online part of her shops, and the hospital homepage is so antiquated that I think we could actually be losing patients because of it. If you want to, I can ask around if they wanna get back for an offer from you."

Both Bella and Jazz seem surprised at my suggestions, and I can’t help chuckle at the faces they are making.

"What?"

"Nothing," Bella huffs, then smiles. "I think that’s a great idea. Don’t you, Jazz?"

"Sure, thanks, that would be great if you could do that."

"You’re welcome."

The idea that Jazz of all people could get to manage the part of Beth’s website that deals with the non-standard sex shop items is rather amusing, but I keep that to myself. Money is money, and it’s not like he doesn’t know about it all. And except for me – and by extension, Bella – he never seemed to have a problem with anything kinky. Thinking of that dampens my mood considerably, but before the heavy silence can get worse, Bella again rides to the rescue.

"Anyway, maybe it was for the best that you had that fight? She probably didn’t realize she was leaving you no freedom at all, and now that that’s out in the open you can work on making it better from now on?"

"I don’t really think that there’s a chance of us staying together," he admits.

Both Bella and I are waiting for him to elaborate but he doesn’t.

"Why?"

He shrugs at Bella’s question, then for the first time really looks at us.

"Because I’ve never heard her say anything with so much hate and loathing in her voice. She wasn’t just furious when she kicked me out, she calmed down right around the middle of our argument, and I could tell that she really believed what she was saying. She doesn’t want me in her life anymore, not as her partner, nor lover, nor even as a friend. And the really sad thing is, I never saw it coming. Yes, it was clear we’d have to work out the small issues like the stupid food or her messiness, but whatever made her snap is routed way deeper. And nothing can change anything about the fact that I still love her, while she obviously doesn’t feel the same for me."

There’s nothing either of us can say to that, and Jazz lets his head fall into his hands again. Bella hesitates, but then reaches over and squeezes his shoulder, some of the pain so heavy in his words now on her face.

"It’s gonna be okay," she murmurs, but there’s not much conviction behind it, and she falls silent when she realizes that herself. We stay like that for another few minutes, but I can tell that Jazz is at the end of whatever strength is still left in him, so I gently nudge Bella to get up.

"I think we all need to catch some sleep, it’s late."

Jazz nods, clearly relieved, then glances at his bag.

"Sure."

While he’s busy in the downstairs toilet brushing his teeth over the small sink I stealthily extract the towels while Bella sets up the makeshift bed, and we go upstairs after wishing Jazz a good night. I don’t think he will be sleeping all that much, and judging from the way Bella keeps tossing and turning next to me it doesn’t look any different for either of us.

"Wanna f**k?"

Just as I’ve intended that makes her go still, and after a few seconds she glances over her shoulder at me.

"Oh, Edward, you’re so romantic, please let’s elope to Vegas and marry and have ten children in our white picket fence house!"

Grinning, I pull her closer until I’m pretty much keeping her immobilized with my body cocooned around hers while pretending to just cuddle with her.

She laughs and rubs her ass suggestively against my cock, but it seems more like teasing than real need. I even think I can get hard eventually if she keeps that up, but she stops soon, her loud sigh deafening in the silence of the room.

"This whole mess with Jazz and Alice is just too depressing. And I can’t believe I’m saying this after how our evening has started, but I really don’t want to have sex right now."

I kiss her neck softly in answer, then let my hold around her go slack. She still stays where she is, accepting the warmth and physical comfort I offer.

"They’re not gonna resolve this, you know?" she finally speaks out the words we both know to be true.

"No, don’t think so."

I feel her nod her own agreement.

"What did she say when you called her earlier?"

"Nothing."

Bella tenses a little.

"Like she won’t say anything about their break-up?"

"No, as in nothing has happened. Everything’s okay."

Her silence is telling, and I’m sure that if I could see her face I would find a frown knitting up her brows.

"You think he could be lying?"

The answer is easy.

"No."

"Huh," she grunts, and when I nudge her to go on, she finally turns around, searching my face for something. "I would have thought you’d assume he was if Alice told you she knew about nothing."

"I didn’t ask her if they split up, just if anything was wrong. And she said no, everything is okay. Maybe it is, in the way of now it is okay?"

It’s obvious Bella wants to add a few choice words to that assessment, but she doesn’t. The following silence isn’t uncomfortable as I just feel so close to her with the way she keeps looking at me, like we’re both thinking the same things and don’t really need to say it out loud for the other to know.

"Nothing we can really do about it, I guess."

"No," I agree. "Just be the friends they need us to be. And if they don’t need us, well, then not."

Thinking that is one thing, but speaking it out loud makes me grow cold inside. It’s as if Alice has shut that door between us once again, and the only thing I’m really surprised about is how easily I can accept that. I don’t like it, even hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about that, either.

"Maybe she just needs time. You know, I don’t think Alice ever really had to deal with something that didn’t go the way she wanted it to go. She never had to deal with herself and how she reacts in such a situation. Maybe that’s all just that outburst that needed to happen for ages and she’s shutting everyone out until she can work through it. People sometimes do stupid things in situations like that. Like propose to you or something."

I smile at Bella’s last remark, and in return she raises one hand to stroke my cheek softly.

"Yeah, who would ever do something like that?"

"Someone really desperate. And I have to admit, I’m not sure if I wouldn’t have acted that much different than her if I hadn’t run off and got some time to collect my thoughts and straighten out my priorities before I saw you again. As much as I want to call her a stupid bitch, in a way I can understand her. I just don’t get what’s been festering so badly that it made her explode like that."

I know I’m a man of many faults, but lying to myself has never been one of them. I guess that’s the reason why I don’t really understand her sympathy with Alice, but I’m happy to just accept that as a fact and not dwell on it.