Beautiful Disaster

"’Your incentive to have a threesome with your two best friends was one of them getting cheated on by their significant other having a threesome with someone else?’

"’The thought crossed my mind,’ I told her, but then had to explain why things where completely different, too. ‘You have to know, my roommate, Edward, he had been carrying a torch for Bella for ages. Botched more than one attempt to tell her, too, and when she then hooked up with that loser, he was all ‘Boohoo, I should have told her!’, and obviously now was a good time to remedy that all.

"I then went on explaining, ‘When I got home I didn’t right away tell Edward, because I knew if I did that I’d have to go post bail later that day after he was done beating Mike to a bloody pulp. And I figured Bella would tell me herself when she was ready. Although judging from the way she stumbled around, lost and disheveled when she came over I knew she was done wallowing alone. So I grabbed Edward and told him. Of course he was, like me, ready to show Mike in detail what we thought of him, but before he could launch into any plans of vengeance I pointed out that he had something better to do. At first he was all, ‘What the hell are you talking about?’ but when I pointed out that now the day he had been praying for had arrived he got a little defensive, all ‘And getting her drunk enough so she won’t really remember if we f**ked or not is your answer to that?’ He can be a little slow at times, brilliant as he is when it comes to brainy things.’

"I told him to stop being such a moron, but getting her drunk wasn’t the worst idea as it was the ideal out if for whatever reason his pining should not be requited. Ever observant Sheila then asked me why I figured that was such a big deal, and of course I had to tell her just what you do behind closed doors and otherwise."

Although I try to keep a straight face I must have grimaced at that as Jazz snorts.

"I told her that you’re into kinky stuff. Whereas she raised a brow and asked me how I defined kinky, and I replied that you’d likely have my ass for colloquialisms like that, so clarified, ‘He’s into BDSM, all the way, takes it serious and all.’ And I also added that while I didn’t think it was Bella’s thing, a little experimenting hadn’t hurt anyone ever, but what did I know, maybe you had picked up on something I just didn’t want to see. In hindsight it’s always easier to see things like that."

When I don’t react to his words yet again, Jazz sighs and goes on.

"Anyway, I could see she wanted to ask my opinion on the whole subject but instead went on with my recount.

"’After a little more needling I finally had him far enough to say something to her. I mean, the worst thing that could happen was either her taking him seriously but being turned off, but they were always so close and comfortable around each other that I couldn’t imagine more than a few awkward days to come from that. Plus, she could always pretend she had just imagined that offer if she was at least tipsy by then. Second option, she doesn’t take him serious and laughs her ass off – bad for his ego, but the way she was looking I couldn’t imagine he would mind that much if it raised her spirits some. But more likely was what really happened – he told her straight out what he did, asked her if she wanted to try – and one look at her face and I knew he had her. Of course them being them they couldn’t just seal the deal then, they had to spend the whole night avoiding each other while so obviously wanting the exact same thing, but they can be a little slow at times.

"’Later, after she went home he was all, ‘Oh noes, she’ll never say yes!’ but I didn’t even get to tell him to stop moping because right that moment she called, and, guess what, of course she was interested. One would have thought that he would have been excited about this, but no, he got all anxious, started babbling about how he didn’t want to scare her and stuff, at which point I joked that if he felt he needed a wingman, he’d just have to ask. I didn’t think he’d really take me up on that, I mean, come on, the girl he’d been wanting for the last five years and now he has a real shot at it?

But he reasoned that she’d probably be more at ease as she’d never take me that serious as him, us being friends forever and all, so me sticking around might actually help her relax. I had to admit, she’s a fine piece of ass so of course I didn’t say no, and we agreed that either way, if this really was just a one-time thing, at least she’d get the most out of it.’"

He stops there again, probably because I’m frowning for real, and when he keeps looking at me questioningly I grunt.

"I really wasn’t that whiny."

"True, not verbatim, but seriously, I’ve seldom seen you that out of your league. I’m still amazed that she didn’t even get a whiff of that."

I don’t reply, and when he realizes that I won’t offer anything else, he resumes talking instead.

"I didn’t really go into details about it, except telling Sheila that we all had fun, that I think we all got the most out of it, and that I was glad that afterwards you had your most meaningful confession of mutual love so that finally this whole pining was over. I also added that Bells and I didn’t really have anything except maybe an awkward two minutes around each other, so it was all good, perfect match made in heaven.

"After that the doc was silent for a few moments, then offered, ‘I presume that sooner or later your girlfriend learned about this?’ Of course no sense denying it. ‘She did. But she’s okay with it now, because she knows that it’s a thing of the past and won’t happen again.’

"Of course she doubted that, so I explained that it really was a one-way road as neither of you’d ever want to have sex with me again.

"She, of course, ‘And what has you so convinced about that? From what you told me about them they might be the kind of decent people who respect others being off-limit due to the exclusivity of some relationships, but sometimes that doesn’t prevent the heart from wanting something else than the mind dictates.’

"She was perplexed when I laughed and told her that for that to happen both of you would first have to stop being royally pissed at me.

"’See, Alice is the type of woman who loves to be shown how important she is to you. So I figured I needed some kind of gesture to show her that I really wanted her, above all else.’

"She to that, ‘Sounds ominous.’

"Me, ‘Well, I guess seducing a girl’s boyfriend so she can walk in on you, then get angry enough to kick you out and tell you to f**k off, at which point you of course have to turn to your true love for her help and play the sympathy card along with the ‘you’re all I ever wanted’ angle usually does the trick. Or so I thought.’

"There she wisely assumed that things didn’t go according to plan. I was still pretty relaxed about the whole issue, all, ‘Well, in the end it worked.

Just the fallout was a little more dramatic than anyone could have expected. But I’m sure they’ll get over it eventually.’"

I couldn’t help a scoff at that, and seeing the look of guilt so plain on his face eased some of the anger wanting to burst out of me.

"I really didn’t think this could escalate like it did! I might be a manipulative ass**le, but I never really thought what I did could come close to breaking you two up. I even thought I’d overdone it with the talking for Bella’s sake because I was so sure that she’d start laughing at me any moment."

"Wait, you knew she was in the house already?"

For a moment a hint of a smirk appears on his face but it is gone the moment he realizes just how close I am to breaking my stoic demeanor.

"Yes, I knew, she wasn’t exactly silent when she came in. And Alice had called me right after Bella left, so I knew that she’d be home in the next thirty minutes tops."