Believe (True Believers #3)(34)
Author: Erin McCarthy

The smile fell off my face, and I looked at him, feeling reflective.

Were all the real sides of me good? The ones that didn’t come from a bottle of vodka? I thought maybe they were.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “Can I see your sketch?”

“Nope. Give me a couple of days to work on it.”

I hadn’t seen any of his portrait work, but what it looked like didn’t actually matter.

Just that he wanted to capture me.

The real me.

***

Phoenix got up with me when my alarm went off even though he didn’t have to be at work until three.

“I feel weird sleeping in with you gone,” he said as he pulled on his jeans. “I don’t know if it’s okay with your roommates.”

He had a point. I had just been avoiding discussing it with them. Which was not mature at all, or fair. So when we went down to the kitchen I was glad to see Rory and Kylie both there, Rory eating cereal, Kylie oatmeal.

“Hey,” I said.

“Good morning,” Kylie said, dressed in running clothes. “I’m going to Zumba before my class. Want to come with?”

My first instinct was to make up an excuse, but then I realized that wasn’t going to solve the problem. “Um, okay, though you know I totally suck at it. I can only dance when I drink.”

“Why is that?” Kylie asked. “It’s like a universal phenomenon. Phoenix, can you dance?”

“No.” He took the glass of orange juice I had poured for him. “But maybe I could bust a move drunk, I don’t know. I’ve never been drunk, so who is to say?”

“You’ve never been drunk?” Kylie looked shocked. “Like ever?”

“Like ever.” He leaned on the counter and put his glass to his lips.

“Wait, did you meet in AA?”

Rory put down her spoon. “Ky, if he’s never been drunk, why would he need AA? And Robin hasn’t been to AA. Have you?”

I shook my head. “No.” I had brought up drinking, and I was already sorry I had. “I seem to be okay with just not drinking. I don’t think I need a counselor or anything.”

“When was the last time you drank?” Kylie asked.

Her tone was just curious, casual. She didn’t seem to understand like Jessica and Rory did how sudden my decision had been.

“June.”

“Wow. Like a summer detox?”

“Like a forever detox.”

“I guess you two are good for each other then. It’s totes awesome.” Then she seemed to lose interest in the subject.

“We are good for each other,” Phoenix said. “And I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been around. I don’t want to crowd you guys.”

“It’s fine,” Rory said. “We all come and go with our boyfriends, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

“But with the situation with Easton, I’ll probably end up sleeping here a lot. If you want me to pay some rent or whatever, I can, once I’m a week or two into my job.”

I was impressed with Phoenix’s offer. It wasn’t like he had much money, but that he was willing to put it out there, that it was only fair to pay rent, made me aware of how firm his moral grounds were. It also made me warm inside that he was going to be around almost all of the time.

“I’m okay with it the way it is, because I don’t want to get into like logging in and out how many hours you, Nathan, and Tyler are here. Let’s just promise to communicate if we’re invading each other’s space, okay?” Kylie said.

“I’m good with that,” Rory said.

“Me too.” I eyed the mostly empty fridge. I needed to go to the grocery store. “Do we have time to get a muffin before Zumba?”

“You’re going to puke blueberry crumb up if you eat that then Zumba.”

“Then maybe I shouldn’t go.” For the first time in weeks, it felt like my appetite was back, and I didn’t really want to give up the muffin fantasy I was suddenly having. “I’m super hungry.”

“You should eat,” Phoenix said. “If you lose any more weight you’re going to disappear when you turn sideways.”

“You have lost a ton of weight,” Kylie said. “What diet are you on? I need to try it.”

The Guilt Diet.

“I think it’s from not drinking. There are a ton of calories in beer and all the juices I mixed vodka with. So much sugar.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to work out harder then.” Kylie laughed. “I like beer too much to give it up. Does that make me a dude?”

“I don’t think anyone is going to mistake you for a guy,” I told her. “Seriously. But we should leave now so you’re not late. But I’m skipping Zumba this time.”

She hugged me. “You’re so right. I missed you, by the way.”

My throat closed up. “I missed you, too.”

***

After I left Phoenix at the bus station and Kylie went on to Zumba, I headed toward the coffee shop to grab a bite before class, when I saw there was an activities fair set up in the student center. With the start of the new semester, every club in existence seemed to have a table with information set up, from table tennis to the Turkish cultural group to the Quidditch club. I wandered along the many rows, glancing at their colorful displays and wondering why I had never joined a single club at college. I had just never bothered.

There was a girl from one of my graphics class behind a table and she gave me a friendly smile. “Hi,” I said. “I think we have graphics together on Tuesday-Thursday. I’m Robin.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Helen-Marie. You should join the digital arts club if you’re in the design program. We collaborate on projects and share ideas and basically have a lot of fun.” She gave me another smile.

Helen-Marie held herself with an easy confidence I envied a little, her hair in intricate braids, her orange and gold jewelry a bright pop of color against her dark skin.

“Thanks,” I said. “I think I will.” I bent over to sign my school e-mail address on to her sign-up sheet. “I’m a commercial digital graphics major, but I love to get creative. It would be cool to hang out with some people who get that.” I loved my friends, but maybe it was time to branch out a little, try to discover my own interests a little better.

“Cool, I’ll e-mail you about the first event,” she said.

With a wave, I moved on down the row and saw a sign for a group called Sober. Curious, I weaved through the moving crowd and approached the table. “Hi. So what is this all about?”