ie
Do I believe him?
God. This is confusing.
M – When you have sorted it out, we can see what happens.
R – I just hope I haven’t fucked up what could have been the best thing. Time will tell.
Yeah.
I guess it will.
CHAPTER 17
I’ve just sat down on my lunch break a few days later when my phone rings. I glance down and see it’s Roman. It’s his last day at work, and he doesn’t usually call through the day. Worry fill my chest, and I put my sandwich down and answer it.
“Hey,” I say, my voice concerned. “Everything okay?”
“Hey,” he says, and his voice sounds flatter than usual. “How are you?”
“I’m okay. What’s going on?”
“I just spoke to her.”
My heart clenches, and a cold feeling washes through my body. Fear. Horrible fear that what he’s about to tell me is going to make me lose the best person I’ve ever known. I’m not ready to lose him. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to lose him.
“Oh,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. “How did that go?”
“It got a bit heated.”
He’s being vague.
“And?”
“She’s fucked up. Honestly.”
Yes. Yes, she is.
“You going to tell me what happened?” I say, carefully.
“I basically just told her she needs to let me go, let me move on. She still won’t, hey. She still won’t say the words.”
Anger bubbles in my chest, and I get frustrated. Of course she won’t let him move on, because he keeps letting her keep him around for convenience. Why the hell would she let him go when he’s giving her endless amounts of attention? She’s selfish. That’s what she wants in life. It’s all about the attention. I shake the thought out of my head. I’m tired. I’m hurting. This is not his fault.
“So, what did you do?” I manage.
“I told her she’s stopping me from moving on, that I have a good thing going on here that’s on hold because of her.”
He said that?
My heart breaks even more. Dammit. What have I gotten myself into? I care too much. I fucked up.
“She said she’s not stopping me from moving on,” he continues.
Technically, she’s not. He’s stopping himself from moving on. Her actions have given every answer he needs. She’s been cruel, selfish, unkind, and treated him like the scum of the earth, but he’s still waiting for those words. The ones that he believes will free him. What he doesn’t see is that he’s already free of her, and nothing he does is ever going to change that.
Eventually, he has to find his strength and cut contact himself.
Only when he does will it truly be over.
“Wow,” I say, my voice shaky. It’s all I can manage.
“Yeah. I said she just needs to be honest with me about what she wants.”
My bottom lip trembles.
Idiot. I’m such an idiot.
“How did she respond to that?”
“She said she doesn’t know. That she’s stressed and can’t think.”
God.
I knew it. He’s wanting to move on, she can feel it, and now she’s going to clutch on a bit harder because she doesn’t want to lose her attention. The selfish, self-centred, bitch.
“I thought she told you her feelings had changed,” I mumble. “What more do you need to hear?”
God, that was mean.
“She did say that,” he says, his voice hardening a little. “I said to her, what does your gut say?”
My hand shakes.
“And she said, to come back.”
No.
Fucking no.
That piece of shit. She knows exactly what she’s doing.
“I thought she was seeing someone else?” I manage.
Don’t cry.
Do not cry.
“She said she’s only talking to him because she wants some money she lent him back. She’s going on holiday for a week with him.”
God.
Why can’t he see it?
Why is she such a horrible, horrible human being?
“So, she’s going to go away with another man ... for money?” I squeak, my voice horrified.
“Yep. I went off. She’s such a fucking liar. She told me she needs life coaching before she can make a choice.”
A choice.
She’s doing it. She’s doing what I knew she would do. The second he started moving on, the second she realised her support team and attention was fading, she started hanging on. She doesn’t want him. That much is so horribly clear, but she’s going to hang on because she can see he’s moving on, and God forbid, she has to face the shit storm she’s created for herself alone.
“I told her it’s done, and I hope she has a good life,” he says. “So fuck it. I’m over it.”
No.
No, he’s not.
This will sink in. It will penetrate, and the tiny piece of hope she’s handed him will cling to his brain, and he’ll hang onto it. She knows it. She knows how he works, and she’s manipulating this to get what it is she wants. How dare she? What kind of awful, awful person does something so careless?
He loves her.
God, of course he does. He’s a good person.
She knows he loves her.
And she’s going to twist this until she destroys him.
She will destroy him for her own personal gain.
I fucking hate her.
~*~*~*~
I open the door and see Roman standing, smiling at me.
He’s smiling, but his eyes are sad again. I can see it, it’s like the first time I met him. Maybe not as deep, but that pain is there. God damn her to hell for doing this to him. Why the hell can’t she just let him move on with his life like he deserves? He’s such a good person, he deserves so much more than her.
“Hey,” I smile, but I’m sure he can see my smile isn’t there either.
It isn’t what it should be.
“Hey.”
He steps forward and catches me in his arms, pulling me close. He might love her—scratch that, he does love her—but I will always believe we were put together for a reason. I just haven’t figured out what that reason is. What we share, the bond we have, the connection, it’s real. It isn’t rebound, if it was, it would be all about sex. It’s not.