Blissful Surrender (Bliss #3)(22)
Author: B.J. Harvey

“Mom!” Sam admonished, her cheeks glowing red as she hung her head embarrassed. Her hand holding mine in my lap squeezed apologetically and I knew that she was struggling.

“It’s okay, Sammy.” That earned a raised eyebrow which I ignored as I continued. “Ms. Richards. I applied to the University of Chicago so that I could stay near Samantha.”

“Hmm. And Samantha? Have you decided what you’re going to do yet?”

She sighs resignedly, looking sideways at me then turning to face her stony-faced mother. “I still have a year to decide, Mom.”

“Humph.”

Thankfully, our meals arrived after that and Sam was able to steer the conversation toward more popular topics of conversation, namely about her mother’s retirement and plans for the future.

The next thing I did wrong was standing up as I was taught to do when Debra excused herself to use the restroom. She frowned at me then left.

“I can’t seem to do anything right. I’m thinking it’s not just me though,” I whispered when her mom was out of hearing range.

“It’s not you. It’s just the way she is. I’ll smooth it all over later. You’re doing great. I love you,” she added, leaning toward me and kissing me gently, opening her mouth and allowing me to take over. It was a well-practiced dance that we had perfected over time. It was effortless, but still got my blood pumping in mere seconds.

Not realizing Debra had returned, we were interrupted by a stern throat clearing in front of us.

“Oh, shit,” Sam muttered. “Sorry, Mom. Didn’t realize you had come back.”

“Obviously. The young man here couldn’t have mauled you in private? Samantha, you know better than to conduct yourself that way in public. I’m no longer hungry. The bill is taken care of, so you needn’t worry, Sean.” She leaned down and kissed Sam on the cheek before nodding dismissively in my direction. “I’ll call you at twenty hundred hours, Samantha.”

“Well, that was an epic f**k up,” I declared. “Sorry, Sammy, but your mom is an A grade bitch. She disregarded me the minute she clocked me.”

She looked at me with those big, wide, green eyes of hers and I could see she was torn. “She’s just stressed. She’s retired from the job she says she was born to do, and now she’s at a loss as to what to do with her life. I’ll talk to her tonight. Let’s just go.”

And just like that, my meet the mother lunch was over and done with.

The car pulls up outside the club which looks busy with a line around the corner at least. Suddenly, the events of the night feel heavy on my shoulders. “Actually, can you take me to my condo? I don’t think I should be here right now,” I say to the driver.

He pulls out into the traffic and takes me home.

Now all I have to figure out is what the f**k happened with Samantha tonight, and more importantly, what the f**k can I do to fix it. But the one thing I know for sure is that Samantha Richards belongs in my life.

Sam

Me: Hels, I’m screwed!

Helen: Literally?

Me: No! I slapped Sean across the face after a thoroughly enjoyable dinner.

Helen: What the f**k, babe …

Me: It seems like such a blur now, but he was in control all night, then he mentioned going for a walk and I was freaking out because he wanted to talk.

Me: So I said it was great to catch up and now we won’t be awkward around each other. He accused me of trying to get out of talking about our past, I denied it. Then he said I still couldn’t be honest with myself.

Me: I told him he was barbaric thinking I’d spread my legs for a nice meal. He couldn’t get that image out of his head and asked how he could make it happen. So I slapped the arrogant smirk right off his face.

Helen: You finished?

Me: Nope, just getting started. At home now, drinking water because it looks like Vodka and I have a shift tomorrow.

Helen: Lucky you didn’t end up spreading your legs then ?

Me: *snort* Don’t see that happening anytime soon.

Helen: I call bullshit, AGAIN. You need to sort your head out and claim your man. Sean IS the kind of man you NEED in your life, babe.

Rico: Sam, you be with who you want to be with. Don’t let my fiancée bully you

Me (sent to both of them): What the f**k, guys? Ganging up on me much?

Helen: He stole my phone, blame him. All right, babe, might see you tomorrow. Sleep on it. Think about what that man does to you just by breathing, then you’ll have your answer.

Rico: If he breaks your heart, I’ll kill him.

Helen: At least tell me the food was good. Rico owes me a date night.

Me: LOL. Food was awesome. Ethiopian restaurant, I’ll give you the details tomorrow. Love you guys. Thanks for letting me vent.

Helen: That’s what we’re here for, babe. Just sleep on it. Everything will be clearer in the morning.

Me: I f**king well hope so. That man pissed me off, turned me on, and scattered my brain all in the space of a few hours.

Helen: So nothing’s changed then ?

Me: Shut up!

Helen: Love you, babe, you’re just too pig headed to admit you were wrong and you want him back.

Me: Shut UP!

Helen: ha ha.

Me: Enough. Sleeping now. Have a good shift tomorrow.

Helen: Will do. Night.

Rico: Night.

Me: You guys are ridiculous.

Helen: That’s why you love us. Now go to sleep!

I put my phone onto my bedside table, rolling onto my side and burrowing into the comforter. My brain is still wired though, so sleep will not come easily. I know I probably overreacted tonight. Shit. Okay, I did overreact, but that man knows how to push all my buttons. He said he wanted to see the fire inside of me … well, he got that back and then some!

I’m scared of losing that fire by submitting to any man, but especially to Sean. I was raised to always stay strong and independent and to never rely on a man for anything because they’re all rat bastards who will let you down. How can I let my guard down when the right man comes along … comes back? What if I can’t do it? What if it’s been up for so long that I can’t remember what it is like to be vulnerable again?

Oh, wait. I do know what that feels like. I feel it every single time I see Sean Miller.

I close my eyes and will my mind to stop spinning, then fall asleep with an image of Sean’s deep blue eyes staring at me.

I’m screwed.

Chapter 11: “Everything Will Change”

Sam

Four days since I walked away from Sean, which funnily enough would make us just about even in ‘walking away’ stakes. Not that I’m keeping track or anything …