Blissful Surrender (Bliss #3)(43)
Author: B.J. Harvey

“Quit it before I cry. It’ll ruin the tough cop wake-up call I’m about to deliver in there.” I jerk my head toward the closed interrogation room door and he chuckles.

“Right. Be quick though. The Captain doesn’t know about it yet. Ryan will still need to give me a statement after you’ve gone, but anything he says to you is off the record and off camera. Comprende?”

“Got it. Thanks, Jer. I owe you one.”

“Hell yeah, you do. Just bring in some donuts or something. You know I struggle to maintain this figure.” He rubs his slightly rounded stomach and grins.

“Deal.”

He turns and walks away from me as I face the door and slowly take a deep breath. I reach out and turn the knob. Stepping inside, I swear I can see the wide eyed, messed up twenty year old from ten years ago. The one living in his big brother’s successful shadow. The one who lost his parents young, then lost his beloved grandparents just as he was getting his life back on track.

But now isn’t the time for excuses. Ryan needs help, and I’m going to be the one to give it to him.

“Sam,” he breathes out, his voice relieved. I barely have a minute to sit down before he speaks. “Have you see Sean? Is he okay? Please tell me he hasn’t been arrested?”

I close my eyes and struggle to compose myself. Ryan doesn’t care about himself right now; his only concern is Sean.

“Ryan, Sean was released without charge this morning. He didn’t come home, but he has his car, so I guess he’s gone somewhere to calm down.”

“Calm down? Is he that mad with me?”

“Probably,” I reply with a shrug. “But it’s more likely that he didn’t expect me to go against his wishes and call it in, which is probably more unforgivable in his eyes because he didn’t see it coming.”

“You … you called the cops?”

“I am a cop, Ryan. Something you might’ve forgotten but I never can. It’s my job, it’s my career, and if I know a crime is being committed and that two people I care about are in danger, I will do everything in my power to avoid that. You don’t think I would let you get hurt do you, Ryan?”

“Well … no, but I told you I was going to try and get help. I told both of you. And I have been, I’ve been going to Gamblers Anonymous and meeting with my therapist twice a week. It’s just that when I got wind of this table, I thought I could make the money back and start to pay Sean back. Do you know he paid off the bookie and paid my rent up to date last time? I didn’t even ask. He wrote me off, told me that he was cutting ties, but then he went and did that.”

My eyes soften as I listen to him. “He loves you, Ry, but right now he’s pissed the f**k off. But it’s more than that. You can’t worry about Sean because you’re in a hole that you can’t get yourself out of unless you make the right decision, and you need to make it quick because there’s an offer on the table that will give you a chance at a life. A legal, free life.”

His body stills as my words sink in. The room is quiet except for a lone clock on the stone wall ticking away the seconds. Ryan wrings his hands together. “You need me to testify, don’t you?”

“Immunity from prosecution in return for your testimony on the gambling, the assault at the club, the game last night, and anything you have seen or heard that would strengthen the DA’s case.”

“I’ll do it.” No hesitation, no wavering. He shocks the shit out of me when he looks me dead in the eye and answers immediately. “Where do I sign? What do I have to do? I can’t go to jail, Sam. I can’t do this again. I need help, major help, but I want to stay straight. I want to make you and Sean proud. I want to do it for Granddad and Grandma, for Mom and Dad. I need to do this to make everything right.”

I see the wet sheen of tears in his eyes and I know that he’s been scared straight. Something has sunk in this time and I release the breath I’ve inadvertently been holding in.

“Please help me, Sam. I need to do this. No more f**king up, I thought I was invincible and my stupidity almost got Sean arrested. Now I need to make it right. If doing this, if testifying will help me do that, then bring in the detective, bring me the papers, I’ll sign whatever they want me to.”

I reach over the table and place my hand over the top of his hands. “Ry, Sean loves you. He wouldn’t have left his bed in the middle of the night and told me not to do anything if he didn’t love you. You’re doing the right thing. For you especially.”

I stand up and look at him one last time before opening the door and walking out. When I reach Jeremy’s desk, his eyes lift to meet mine and one chin lift is all it takes to answer him.

“I’ll take care of it, cupcake. You let me know when you find that man of yours.”

“Will do, Jer. Thank you. For everything.”

“Anytime. Now get out of here before the Captain sees you and starts asking questions. You’re a good cop and an even better woman. Everybody sees it.”

Unable to speak without losing it, I nod and walk away from him, though this time I feel like I’m walking toward something rather than running away.

When I call Sean’s phone later from home, I end up leaving a message on his voice mail, telling him everything he won’t let me say direct. I lay it all out, put my heart on the line and tell him I’ll wait to hear from him.

What else can I do?

Sean

I leave my phone on my desk, not willing to answer it just yet. My head is throbbing and my mouth feels like I’ve been sucking on a slimy dish rag. Not my finest moment, I’m sure. I go down the corridor and have a quick shower, throwing on some clothes I found in the gym bag in my office before I sit back behind my desk again, resting my head in my hands and willing the Advil to start working.

My phone beeps with another missed call. I pick it up, swiping the lock screen open and see the voice mail icon flash up at me. Gritting my teeth, I call my service and wait for the message to start replaying.

“Sean, it’s me. I know you were released this morning and I know you were dropped at your car. You obviously know that I called my friend Jeremy and asked him to do something to help you last night and I’m guessing that’s why you didn’t come home to our bed, to me …”

She called it home. She called it was our bed.

“… I know you’re angry at me, and part of that is warranted, but most of it is not. I did what I had to do as a cop who knew that something illegal was going down and as a woman who knew that the man she loves was going into an unknown, possibly dangerous situation.”