Born of Night (The League #1)(40)
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

Now, she wasn’t sure of anything. Instead of dreaming of her polite, sweet man, she was haunted by the presence of someone who lived his life on the edge. A man more lethal than anyone she’d ever met.

One who saved people even when it flew in the face of his ruthlessness.

Why was she so attracted to someone who didn’t seem to care about her at all? Yes, he’d slept with her, but that wasn’t love. Men wanted sex, and she’d made a mistake by sleeping with him.

Why am I so stupid?

With a trembling sigh, she pushed herself off the bed and continued folding her clothes. She didn’t understand why Nykyrian did anything.

Why did he buy her so much, then push her away?

He’d been so tender last night that she’d convinced herself he cared for her . . . that he needed her. Then the morning had dawned, and again he was distant.

Clenching her teeth against the miserable pain in her heart, she pushed the button to open the closet door.

A flash of light from the windows caught her attention and she looked out of the clear wall next to the closed-off bathroom to see Nykyrian and Syn working on Syn’s ship.

From inside the closet, Syn’s voice was muffled, but clearly audible as they talked, and for once, they spoke in a language she could understand.

“You are out of your f**king mind,” Syn snarled, tossing a tool up to Nykyrian.

Nykyrian caught it with one hand and leaned back into the engine well. “Stay out of it, Syn. Kiara’s my concern.”

“No, she’s all of ours. My God, with one word, she could destroy you. Hell, all of us, for that matter.”

Nykyrian grimaced as he tugged on a part. “So could you.”

Syn made a sound of disgust. “You know better than that. Be reasonable. We’ve worked too hard for what we have for you to just toss it away because of some harita. If all you want is a piece of—”

Syn barely had time to dodge the tool that flew past his head.

Nykyrian jumped off the ship and grabbed Syn by the collar of his shirt.

Kiara held her breath, afraid of what he might do.

“Don’t ever insult her again.” he snarled, his hands tightening around Syn’s shirt. “It’s my life I risk, not yours.”

Anger clouded Syn’s face and for a moment, Kiara feared they might begin fighting. “Goddammit, don’t do this. You’re all I’ve got. She’s not worth your life, don’t you understand? You saw what Mara did to me. How quickly she turned. Do you really think for one minute that the princess”—he sneered the word— “would be a bit better in the end? She’ll betray you before the end of it. Mark my words. Dump her now before it’s too late.”

Nykyrian shoved him back. “I’ve had so many people dictate my life for me. I’m tired of doing what I’m told. I thought you of all people would understand what it’s like to want something and then once you get it, not let go.”

Syn shook his head, his lips in a tight line. “C’mon, you know better than this. Since when are women reliable? They leave the first time anything gets difficult.”

Nykyrian snorted. “That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? She’ll never leave her career to be with you and you know it. And you can’t live out in the open. If you try, you know how long it’ll take before a League assassin cuts your throat and hers just for good measure.”

Nykyrian slammed his hand into the side of the ship. The hollow sound echoed in the bay. “I’ve spent my entire life listening to people tell me why I can’t be loved and how I’m nothing but a worthless piece of shit.” The bitterness in his voice tore through Kiara. “I always told myself that I didn’t care, that I didn’t need anyone else.”

He raked his hand through his hair and leveled his gaze on Syn. “It was a lie, you know. I do care and I want Kiara. If it costs me my life to be with her, it doesn’t matter. I’ve already lived past my prime, anyway. I get up every morning with more pain in my joints than the day before. If I have to die, I’d rather die knowing someone cared about me, just once. Is that really too much to ask?”

“For us? Yes. It is. We are the gutter and the gutter is all we’ll ever be. Don’t reach out for the stars. They’ll burn you until there’s nothing left.”

“Then let me burn.”

Kiara slid down the wall in the closet as a thousand thoughts went through her.

But above it all was the one that mattered most. Nykyrian cared for her.

Even though their relationship made no sense. Even though it was ludicrous and unorthodox . . .

And in that moment, she realized her own truth. She loved him. That was why she’d slept with him. That was why his moodiness hurt her.

She cared. Every part of her wanted what only he could give her. No other man had ever made her feel so safe. So desired.

And somehow she was going to breach his defenses and show him that she wasn’t like Syn’s wife. She would never betray him.

Your father will never allow you to be with someone like Nykyrian.

Neither would her dance company.

Reality crushed her. And yet she didn’t want to listen to any of it. There had to be some way to work this out. And by all that was holy, she was going to find it even if it killed her.

And it bloody well might.

CHAPTER 20

Nykyrian stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. Maybe Syn was right—maybe Kiara would be his death. But then, death had been something he’d craved most of his life, anyway.

Orinthe had asked him once why he didn’t kill himself. He’d never had a real answer to that question. Maybe it was sheer stubbornness or just blind stupidity.

He didn’t fear death, but neither did he welcome it. So here he was, waiting ambivalently until it came for him.

With a tired sigh, he wrapped the towel around his h*ps and opened the door.

He froze.

Kiara lay on his bed in a filmy black negligee, her hair combed out around her. His blood raced at the sight as he went instantly hard. He steeled himself, trying to remain distant while knowing it was absolutely futile. “I thought you were downstairs.”

She smiled warmly. “Obviously not.”

He reached to retrieve his clothes from under her. Her silken hand covered his. Nykyrian’s flesh burned at the gentle touch. He wanted her body wrapped around his more than he’d ever wanted anything. His gaze traveled from her hand, up her supple arm, to the beauty of her face. Her soft, amber eyes sparkled in the dim light of the room in an open invitation for him to kiss her.

“I’m sorry for what happened earlier today,” she whispered. “I think we both need to work on our communications skills.”

“I tried that once.”

“And?”

“Darling told me that I could never hold a job as a suicide counselor or hostage negotiator. He said my failure rate would become the stuff of legends.”

She laughed.

Nykyrian pulled his clothes out from under her. She lifted her h*ps in a way that made him ache. Trying not to think about that, he dropped his towel.

Kiara’s face turned bright red before she averted her eyes from his body.

Pulling on his clothes, he studied her profile. What was it about her that made him feel so much at ease? That soothed the ache inside him? All he wanted was to crawl into her arms and stay there for eternity.

There was so much he wanted to tell her and so much he feared telling her. He took a deep breath. Either way, there were things she had to know. He owed her that much.

Kiara looked back at Nykyrian when the bed dipped under his weight. He was fully dressed, right down to his gloves, and staring at her with a strange look she couldn’t fathom. She sat up, wondering if he’d tell her what was on his mind.

He reached his hand out and toyed with several of the curls laying on her shoulder. “You have the most beautiful hair.”

“You know you can take your gloves off to touch me. I won’t protest.”

To her amazement, he did.

She smiled again, taking his hand in hers. When she opened her mouth to speak, he placed a finger on her lips to silence her.

“I have some things to tell you and I need you to listen.”

She swallowed, curious about his grave tone.

He stared at her for the longest time as if he wanted to memorize her face. “I’m not what you think. No,” he said, cupping her cheek as she started to protest. “Listen. I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I regret. But I’ve never raped a woman or hurt a child.” He looked away from her and his hand fell away. “I’m hollow inside, Kiara, and I’ve always been that way.”

Kiara wanted desperately to bring his warm touch back to her skin. To tell him she didn’t care about his past, that he could never do anything to drive her away.

Not after what she’d heard earlier. She understood him now and she wasn’t afraid.

Nykyrian sighed, his gaze still focused on the wall. “I used to tell myself what I did was right, that the killings I performed protected governments and innocent lives. That I was on the right side, only taking the lives of people who’d earned their death sentences.” An angry tic beat a determined rhythm in his cheek. “Then I learned the bitter truth.”

When he didn’t elaborate, she ran her hand down his back and prompted him. “What happened?”

“It was a mission like hundreds of others I’d done. Only this time it was a family they wanted swabbed. Father, mother . . . child.”

Horror filled her. “Why?”

“To save the order of Tondara. The family had been exiled after Prater took office. Since they had blood ties to the former leadership, The League was afraid that insurgents would rally to them and overthrow Prater’s authority.”

“You killed them?”

He met her gaze and she saw the truth there. “I thought I could. I killed the father and then went after the mother and child. I didn’t realize how small the child would be. How innocent. She looked up at me like I was the monster everyone had called me and for the first time, I saw myself in her eyes for what I really was and I hated it. And her mother . . .”

Kiara brushed his loose hair back from his face. “What about her?”

“She didn’t ask me to spare her life. Only her daughter’s. In that moment, I knew my life was over. I couldn’t kill them. Even though I knew what The League would do to me if they caught me, I couldn’t kill a woman who was so loving.”

“And that’s a good thing, Nykyrian.”

He shook his head as if he disagreed. “That night, I decided that my days of being a mindless pawn were over. No more would I be a tool for The League . . .” His green-eyed gaze locked with hers. The heat of that look scorched her. “That’s when I became Nemesis.”

Her smile faded as his unexpected words hit her like a blow. “What?”

“I’m Nemesis.”

Kiara’s mind went numb. Over and over, she had heard newscasts informing the public of the grisly killings performed by Nemesis. This was a creature who took pride in inflicting pain on others.

For a moment, she thought she’d be sick. “You rip people into pieces. You . . . you eat pieces of them before you dump their bodies. How could you?”

Nykyrian looked away. Without another word, he left her alone in the room.

Kiara sat on the bed, trying to make sense of all this. She just couldn’t accept what he’d told her.

He was Nemesis.

And yet some part of her had known that. It was what her mind had tried to tell her when he’d carried her into Syn’s flat. The familiarity of that action had tugged at her mind. She knew he was being honest with her and it horrified her.

Dear God, what had she involved herself in? No wonder Syn was so afraid of her. With this knowledge, she could hand Nykyrian over to the authorities and end the entire Sentella.

All of their lives were now in her hands.

Nemesis. The most feared creature in the entire Ichidian Universe, and she’d slept with him . . .

An image of Jana flashed through her mind. The way Nykyrian had protected, then soothed the boy before taking him to safety. Images of his past replayed through her mind. The cruelty and abuse . . .

Was it any wonder he’d grown into a mercenary assassin?

But Nemesis. Of all the things to be . . .

Nemesis.

Kiara took a deep breath to slow the frantic beating of her heart as she focused on the most important fact.

Nykyrian had trusted her. He’d given her the most sought-after secret in the universe, and he’d laid his life at her feet. He could have kept his secret.

But he’d trusted her. A man who expected betrayal from everyone. A man who didn’t like to feel vulnerable. One who’d withdrawn so far from others that he lived on a remote planet alone . . .

He’d trusted her.

She sat there for close to an hour as she sifted through her warring emotions. The fear and uncertainty. Part of her wanted to do the right thing and turn him in—it was what her father had raised her to do. Abide by their laws always. But her heart and soul wouldn’t let her.