Born of Silence (The League Gen 1 #4)(33)
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

“No.” She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.

He curled his lip in self-disgust. “Next time you give head, you should wear protective gear.”

Fury tore through her. “Why would you say that to him?”

His eyes blazed with hatred, but she wasn’t sure if it was for him, Darling, or for both of them. “Because at least once a day, every single day for years, someone e-mailed me photos of a nak*d Darling being groped by a man old enough to be our grandfather, with some kind of insult for both of us tagged to it. They didn’t stop until Darling and Syn became tight, and Syn hacked in and deleted every online copy. You have no idea how humiliating it is to be laughed at for something your brother did that you had no control over. How many times other men propositioned me because of it. I was sick of hearing and seeing it.”

Zarya couldn’t make any sense of that. Maris had told her that Darling had never experimented. Had those pictures been forgeries?

Or was there something about Darling that Maris didn’t know?

“Anyway,” Drake continued, “I pushed past him and went to my room. He dogged me every step of the way there, telling me that I had to leave before Arturo found out I was in the palace. He said that Arturo would kill me if I mentioned the missing money to him. That Arturo would be furious at me for coming home without permission. I didn’t know the man Darling described. Arturo had never been violent toward me in any way. Never raised his voice. So I stayed. And that night… I found out fast why Darling’s face looked the way it did and why Darling was so skittish of Arturo. Even with my fight training, Arturo beat me unconscious, and just like Darling had warned, he damn near killed me. I didn’t even get a chance to accuse him of his theft before he had me on the floor.”

“What did Darling do?”

Drake clenched his eyes closed as if he were reliving that night. But he didn’t answer her question. At least not right away. “When I finally came to after the beating, I lay in the hospital, feeling sorry for myself, thinking that I had no family who gave a shit about me. No one came to check on me or call. Not until two days later. I was still in ICU on a ventilator, unable to speak. Darling came in, looking even worse than he had the night he’d warned me how stupid I was. His eyes were so swollen and bruised, he could barely open them. He had one arm in a sling, and the other one in a brace from a third-degree sprain. He was just a krikken kid, too. You know? I still don’t understand how he could hold himself up in that condition, never mind move. Yet with all that pain, he’d come to see me even though he should have still been in bed himself.

“I found out later from Maris that once Darling had called the medics for me, he’d gone after Arturo with everything he had and that Arturo, after beating the shit out of him, had thrown him down the main palace stairs. As soon as Darling had been able to get out of bed, he’d come straight to the hospital to sit with me, so that I wouldn’t be alone there. And do you know what Darling’s first words to me were?”

She shook her head.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you better. I promise I won’t let him get a hold of you again.” Tears swam in Drake’s eyes. “After all the mean, awful shit I’d said to him over the years. After being a complete and utter dick whenever I was around him, he apologized to me. Apologized. Like it was somehow his fault I was an idiot who wouldn’t listen. And it was then that I found out why his speech was always slurred when he called me at school.”

“Because of his pain meds…”

He swallowed hard. “No, it was from the way he had to hold his mouth to speak around a busted jaw and loose teeth. You talk about feeling like a worthless piece of shit… It killed me that I wasn’t able to tell him how sorry I was for everything. That I couldn’t tell him how grateful I was he’d saved my life. That I didn’t care what anyone else said or thought about him. I was finally proud to call him my brother. Most of all, I wanted to tell him that I loved him, too.”

Drake drew a ragged breath. “Three days later when they finally took me off the ventilator and moved me to a regular room, he went to beg Ryn to help us. Something he’d never done before. But Darling was so afraid I’d go after Arturo again, that he was willing to sacrifice his dignity to keep me safe. So the fight they got into that scarred him so badly was over my dumb, stupid, ignorant ass.”

His gaze haunted, he cleared his throat. “That beating I took opened my eyes to a lot of things. I realized then that Darling had kept us at school so that we wouldn’t be in the line of Arturo’s fury, while Darling was forced to live here and bear the brunt of it. Day in and day out. And instead of saying thank you for it, all I’d ever done was insult him because I was too busy listening to lies about him rather than bothering to discover the truth for myself. To this day, I don’t understand how he stood living here, or tolerated us. He has every right to begrudge us every breath we take, and yet he doesn’t. And now you’re telling me that all this time he wasn’t even gay…” He cursed under his breath. “If that’s true, then explain to me where those photos came from.”

“I don’t know. I have no idea. But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Darling wasn’t a willing participant.”

Glancing down the hallway, Drake focused his gaze past her. He went ramrod stiff.

She turned to see Darling approaching them.

Darling hesitated as he saw them together in the hallway, not far from his room. “Is something wrong?” he asked her.

She smiled to allay his fears. “Not at all. We were just talking.”

Suspicion hung heavy in Darling’s gaze. “About?”

“The fact that you’re not gay, you a**hole,” Drake snarled at him. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Darling shrugged with a nonchalance she was pretty sure he didn’t feel. “You enjoyed insulting me over it too much. I didn’t want to take away your only creative outlet.”

“You are such a bastard. I’m serious, Dar. Why didn’t you say something?”

Darling sobered. “I know your temper, Drake. I couldn’t risk you popping off at the mouth about it to someone who might tell Arturo.”

Arms akimbo, Drake glared at him. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. Appreciate it.”

“What are big brothers for?”

“Apparently not much,” Drake breathed. “I’m going to tell Lise to get ready to leave for your surgery. I’ll see you two later.”

After Drake left them alone, she wrapped her arm around Darling’s as they continued on to his room. “Drake really loves you.”

“I know he does. Most of the time, I love him, too.” He opened the door to his bedroom and allowed her to enter first. “And I can tell by the look in your eyes that something’s bothering you. What’s wrong?”

She hesitated inside the room. “I probably shouldn’t say anything.”

“Never stopped you before.”

“True.” But this was extremely personal and she wasn’t sure how he’d react to her asking about the photographs. Fact or fiction, it had to be something that had caused him a great deal of pain over the years. As bad as Drake thought his agony was, she was certain it couldn’t compare to Darling’s.

Part of her didn’t want to dredge it up, but the other part of her wanted to know the truth.

Darling scowled at her. “You know you can talk to me about anything.”

Yeah, but she didn’t want to hurt him. He’d been kicked enough.

Taking a deep breath for courage, she forced herself to broach a topic she was sure was brutal. “Drake mentioned something about photos of you and—”

He cursed so foully it broke her words off. By his furious expression, she knew she didn’t have to finish her sentence.

Darling knew exactly what she was talking about.

“Why the hell would he mention that to you?”

“Because it was why he felt justified in insulting you when he was younger.”

“Of course it was,” Darling sneered. “ ’Cause everything’s always about Drake.”

She didn’t comment on his hostile words. “So what happened?”

Darling flinched as his memories went to a place and time he never wanted to think about again. Something he did his damnedest to never, ever remember. In a life filled with degradation and pain, that entire ordeal reigned supreme in total humiliation.

Why can’t I live that one afternoon down?

Every time he thought it was buried, it came back like a vicious curse.

Now Zarya knew about it, too.

He winced. “I was stupid.”

“How so?”

He wanted to curse her for her insistence. But then, that was Zarya. Whenever she wanted something, she wouldn’t give up until she got it. “I’m going to kill that little bastard for telling you. Please, don’t make me relive it, okay?” Darling wasn’t sure if he could survive it again.

It hurt that much. Even all these years later.

Why the hell wouldn’t it die?

Nodding, Zarya caught him against her and held him close. “I’m sorry I asked. You don’t have to tell me. It’s fine. You’re allowed to have your secrets.”

In the moment, he’d never loved her more, and as he’d done hundreds of times in the past, he found himself telling her something he’d never told anyone else.

Even though it shredded him to do so.

“By Caronese law, once I turned sixteen, I was old enough to choose another guardian to be the Grand Counsel instead of Arturo. For several months, I debated on whether or not to leave everything alone or replace him. Finally, I decided it was time to do it.”

“Why did you wait so long?”

“By that time, Arturo had tightened the noose around me to the point I couldn’t breathe. I was seldom allowed contact with anyone from the ruling class. Not my mother, my siblings, or even Maris. And you have to have a guardian who is a natural-born Caronese aristo with the right bloodline. More than that, I needed one willing to stand up to Arturo. Most weren’t, and I knew it. He kept everyone around him so intimidated that they didn’t dare.”

Zarya listened as he stepped away and paced a small area in front of her. “So what happened with Senator Nylan?”

Darling flinched as if the name itself struck him like a blow. “He was a distant cousin on my father’s side, and I knew from past encounters with him that he thought I was… pretty.” He spat the word out. “He’d made several lewd remarks and offers to me over the years after my father’s death.”

Her heart broke at those words.

He glanced at her and she saw the torment that scarred his soul worse than her men had scarred his body. “I just wanted the pain to stop, Zarya. Just for one minute of my life. I was so tired of being beat on, locked up, and drugged. I thought it would be easier to be some man’s kept whore than another one’s punching bag. And by then, I’d learned that Arturo wasn’t just beating on me. He was raping my mother—something he’d been doing since the night he killed my father. He used me against her, the same way he used my family against me. It’s why she hates me so much. Why she hasn’t been able to look at me since I was twelve years old. Every time she hears my name, she flinches because of what he did to her. I figured that since everyone already thought I was gay, what would it matter? Anything had to be better than the hell we were in.”

She pulled him into her arms so that she could comfort him. “What happened?”

He actually trembled from the pain of his memories as he laid his head on her shoulder and held her close. “I told Nylan I was willing to be… mentored by him any way he wanted if he would assume my guardianship. He said that he didn’t buy things sight unseen. So he made me take all my clothes off in front of him.”

“Oh baby…”

“Yeah…” Darling’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “He walked around me, looking me up and down, like a piece of meat in the market. I wasn’t allowed to cover myself while he inspected me from head to toe. I felt so humiliated that I thought I was going to vomit right there. He moved to stand behind me so that he could fondle me, and he told me to moan out loud like a whore for him. To tell him how much I craved him and to beg him to touch me even though all I wanted to do was run.”

She tightened her arms around Darling’s waist, wishing she could burn that memory out of him forever. No wonder he seldom made a single sound whenever they had sex. It probably reminded him of that day. “You don’t have to say anything else, baby.”

He nuzzled his cheek against hers. “There’s not much more to tell. I had no idea the sick bastard was recording the whole thing. When I failed to get hard for him, he told me that he’d have to think it over and get back to me. He watched me dress and I left. By the time I got home—after I’d thrown up a couple of times—he’d sent pictures of us to Arturo, telling him I was the best and tightest piece of ass he’d ever had. And that while it was tempting to assume my guardianship, I needed someone with a firmer hand to control me.”

She could only imagine how that went over. “Why would he do such a thing?”

“To get back at me for all the times I’d turned him down over the years. He wanted me humiliated… and he succeeded.”

Never in her life had she wanted to kill anyone more than she did Nylan. Damn him for his cruelty.

Darling winced. “Arturo met me at the door, and then put me through it. Hoping he’d finally kill me, I spat the blood out of my mouth and laughed at him. I told him he hit like a girl. And that I’d whore myself to any man who’d get him out of my life. As bad as I’d been beaten before then, it was nothing like that night. I didn’t think he’d ever stop. At some point, I passed out. When I came to, I was in a mental institution.”

“Maris said it was done to cure your homosexuality.”

He laughed bitterly. “That’s what my file says, and it’s what I let other people think. But it was done to teach me a lesson about trying to find another guardian. Not that I needed it. Believe me. After what Nylan did to me, I wasn’t about to try again. Besides, I knew no one would ever help me. No one cared. I’d been stupid for even trying. I was just so desperate that I was willing to do anything. And those pictures were posted everywhere, by both Arturo and Nylan. They haunted me for years. Every time I thought I could put it behind me, someone would slap me in the face with them. Every member of the Caronese aristocracy has seen them and they’ve all had something horrendous to say to me over it.”

She couldn’t imagine anything worse. It’d been bad enough to experience it, but to have other people dredge it up constantly and throw it in your face…

Glancing down, she saw the scars on Darling’s wrists from his suicide attempts that Drake had told her about. Her hands trembling, she lifted his so that she could kiss them. “How many times did you—”

“Three. It was part of the reason everything was taken out of my room and I was strip-searched every night. Why my guards would randomly come in at all hours to wake me. The gods forbid, I should die and escape my hell.”

She laid her hand against his cheek. “I’m glad you’re still here.”

Darling’s stomach tightened at the love he saw in her eyes. But it wasn’t enough to take away the misery of those memories. Nothing could.

Yet she helped him in ways he’d have never thought possible. Like Maris, she didn’t judge him by his mistakes. Nor did she hold them against him. Or use them to hurt him. They didn’t make him less in her eyes.

For that alone, he was eternally grateful.

She kissed his lips. “I’m so sorry for what they did to you, and I swear I will never, ever speak of it again or mention that bastard’s name. May he rot in hell for eternity.”

He tightened his arms around her. “I’ve never told anyone what really happened, Z. Not even Maris. I’m sure he’s seen the photos, too, but he’s been decent enough to keep silent about them. Too bad Drake couldn’t.”

While he loved his brother, there were times he couldn’t stand him. Why would Drake have told her about the most horrific event of his entire life?

Why couldn’t Drake leave things alone?

“Hey,” Zarya breathed, stepping back and forcing him to look at her. “I love you, Darling. I really do. It’s that capacity you have to care about others more than you care about yourself that has always drawn me to you. You’ve been my hero from that first moment when you risked your life to climb out onto my roof to get my cat for me, to the moment when I first saw Kere carrying Timmon to safety. The rest of us ran for cover during that ambush, but you ran into it, knowing we had soldiers pinned down. I’ve never known anyone braver than you.”

“I don’t feel brave.” Most days, he just felt like complete and utter hell.

Zarya kissed him lightly on the lips. “And that’s what makes you so wonderful. You don’t see the beauty that is you. I hate that you focus on your handful of flaws.”

Why shouldn’t he? “Everyone else does.”

“Screw them if they do,” she said as her anger blazed in those beautiful amber eyes. “Do you really care what they think? Are any of them that important to you?”

“No. But it doesn’t stop it from hurting.”

Zarya blinked away the tears in her eyes. “You’re right. But my father used to have a saying. ‘Don’t let them steal your day.’ Never give them that kind of power over you. They’re not worth it.”

Darling let those words soothe him, along with her fingers that toyed with his hair against his collar. In his mind, he saw an image of her as a little girl on that day when they’d first met, crying and begging for her big brother to save her cat. Wanting to play ball outside, Gerrit had callously brushed her aside and ignored her pleas.

But those tears and her concern for her pet had touched him even as a boy. Unable to walk away from her misery, Darling had gladly braved the high-pitched roof of her father’s mansion to make her smile.

It was the first time in his life that he’d felt heroic. She’d been so grateful. So thrilled. She’d even hugged him for it, then given him the cookie she’d been saving for herself.