Bringing Maddie Home(14)
Author: Janice Kay Johnson

“No, I know. It’s just—” The huff of breath might have been meant to be a laugh. “The day the KING-5 news team was filming at SafeHold, I was trying to avoid the camera. On the way home, I was thinking about it. I’ve always worried about encountering someone who knew me.” She grimaced. “You know that. Because I haven’t changed all that much. But I also know that I wouldn’t have wanted to appear on camera, no matter what. Public recognition wouldn’t have been my thing. Then what did I do? I made myself famous.”

“You didn’t make yourself famous,” he said through gritted teeth. “None of it was your doing.”

She shrugged in acknowledgment. He knew what she was thinking. Yes, it was still possible that some action of hers had led to the assault and abduction. He couldn’t imagine what action that could have been. She’d been a good girl, not a troublemaker. Even if she had been…she was fifteen years old. A kid.

“Word will get out no matter what,” he repeated. “If we don’t do it this way, you’re going to have reporters waylaying you everywhere you go. That might be worse.”

“I don’t know.” Expression closing down, she jumped to her feet and began clearing the table.

Colin didn’t push it. He helped her clear, then loaded the dishwasher while she put leftovers in the refrigerator.

Finally, as she was pouring the coffee, her back to him, Nell said abruptly, “Okay. You’re right. How bad can it be?”

He hadn’t forgotten the hysteria back then, but refrained from saying, It won’t be good.

Once again, Maddie Dubeau would be a nine-day wonder.

CHAPTER SEVEN

NELL WOKE THE next morning to find the world outside cloaked in white. Colin had said something about expecting a trace of snow, but this was more than that. For a moment she felt a child’s sense of wonder at the quiet beauty. An occasional tiny flake still floated down, adding to the powder snow that made Mount Bachelor a world-renowned destination ski resort. Standing at the window looking out, she could tell from the set of tracks cutting through the smooth sheet of snow that Colin had already departed for work.

That was all it took, the sight of those tracks, to make her think about him. The better she got to know him, the more of a puzzle he became for her. Part of it was him, the man with the hard face and intense eyes who could still be so gentle that all of her certainties were shaken. The coward in her wanted to believe that gentleness was a lie. She could hold more of herself back if she was sure he was intent on manipulating her.

But Nell didn’t believe it. He’d been too honest with her. By asking her to stay here, opening his home to her, he’d also opened his life. She’d seen the yearning on his face when he talked about his sister. Nell was still stunned that he had held her hand at her parents’. He hadn’t bothered to worry about the way her parents would interpret it. Resting her forehead against the cold glass, she closed her eyes and remembered how that hand had felt, engulfing hers. She shivered at another memory, of him standing close to her, his fingers delving into her hair and stroking so gently over that old scar. She’d been sorry when he stepped away.

In fact, she’d felt something so unfamiliar, it wasn’t until later, lying in bed, that she had identified it as sexual attraction.

A few times she had wondered if he were feeling something similar, but she wasn’t sure. Maybe it would be better if she never found out. She had always known that, if she ever came to trust a man enough to want the kind of relationship she saw other people having, she would have to tell him more about her past. The part that would repulse most decent men.

But he had hinted that he knew and understood.

He thinks of me as Maddie. He’s been obsessed with Maddie.

No matter what, that wasn’t who she was anymore.

It would be better not to think of Colin that way, even if he were the only man who had ever made her feel safe. Safe enough to feel…well, other things, too.

I’ll wait and see, she decided practically, and turned from the window to get herself breakfast.

Nell had eaten and was sipping the tea she preferred to coffee when she thought to check her phone. He’d left her a message.

“I made some calls, including a talk with your father. We’re set for two o’clock at the police station. It’s no longer next to the old courthouse.” He gave the address. “Why don’t you aim to get here at least half an hour early? We can talk about the kind of questions you’ll be asked, how you want to answer.” There was a long enough pause for her to think he might be done, but then he added, his voice subtly different, “If you go out, be careful, Nell.”

Sitting locked in this apartment was not an option, certainly not this morning. All she would do was freak out about the upcoming press conference or think about Colin, the man. She needed a distraction.

Last night she’d searched Facebook for Emily Henson and Hailey Allen. She now knew the name of Emily’s husband—Jason Barr—and had even seen a picture of him, albeit one taken with her when they’d apparently been mountain biking and were tousled, sweaty and laughing. He looked nice: thin, with sandy-blond hair and wire-rimmed glasses. Emily’s face produced nothing as concrete as a memory, but it looked familiar and Nell felt a funny stir of emotion. She had lingered a long time on Emily’s Facebook page.

She’d also found Hailey Allen and learned that, unlike Emily, who had gone away for college, Hailey had never left the area. After finishing a two-year program in culinary arts at Central Oregon Community College, she’d gone to work in a restaurant in Bend. A year or two ago she had opened her own restaurant in Angel Butte. Nell must have gone right by it yesterday.

Hailey might not have much time to chat, but Nell intended to drop by this morning and at least say hello.

She’d peered for some time at the pictures of Hailey, too, trying to reconcile them with any of the faces swimming through her damaged memory, but failed. It might only be that she looked different than she had at fifteen years old. Her hair was currently short, spiky and dyed shocking pink, plus she seemed to be clowning around in all the pictures on her page. Nell hoped seeing her in person would trigger something. It would be awkward to have to say, I’m told we were friends, but I don’t remember you at all.

Of course, if she stayed in town long, she was going to have to get used to admitting that to a lot of people. In fact, last night Colin had said he’d be happiest if she made her amnesia sound even deeper than it really was.

She’d snapped, “Thanks, way to make me feel safe,” and told him good-night, marching through the cold to the apartment in what she told herself was a temper, but knew was closer to a new and improved anxiety attack.

What he didn’t realize was how completely vulnerable she already felt. The idea of other people knowing her on a level she didn’t even know herself, while she had no memory at all of them, made her want to curl up into a little ball like a hedgehog with all her quills bristling. Except she didn’t have anything as useful as quills to protect her.

I have Colin.

He had definitely appointed himself her guardian, although she wasn’t entirely sure why. That was part of what worried her, of course. Perhaps he’d realized right away that he would never be able to lure her back to Angel Butte unless he could convince her that he could keep her safe. Nell didn’t like to think he’d wanted to produce her like a rabbit from a hat only so he’d look like a wizard on the job. Was he hoping for some kind of promotion?

But she didn’t believe that his satisfaction and amazement at finding her were that self-centered. She thought he’d believed there were people here who had grieved and needed to know she had survived. The fact that he seemed to be one of those people still puzzled her, even as it made her feel soft inside. She might not understand, but she was clinging to the knowledge that, for whatever reason, she really mattered to him.

And she was depending almost entirely on him. Nell Smith, who never let herself really depend on anyone. Until him, she had never told a single person that she didn’t remember who she was or where she came from.

It wasn’t smart to need anyone so much. Which was one of the reasons she had to continue exploring her history on her own. The more she learned, the less vulnerable she’d be.

* * *

A YOUNG WAITRESS with half a dozen studs climbing each ear plus a nose ring wanted to seat Nell the minute she walked into the Kingfisher Café.

“I do want lunch,” Nell said, “but I’m actually hoping to see Hailey. I’m an old friend.”

“Oh!” The girl’s face brightened. “I’ll go get her. Um…what did you say your name is?”

Nell hesitated. “I’d like to surprise her.”

“Cool!”

Fingers biting into her palms, Nell waited until a woman emerged from the back. She was short, a little plump and big-breasted. The spiky hair was hot pink like in the pictures, her expression inquiring, her face quirky and interesting.

Nell would have thought her a complete stranger if she hadn’t known better.

Hailey Allen’s shock was becoming familiar although it still made Nell wince.

“Maddie?”

“Yes.” She tried for a smile. “Back from the dead.”

“Oh, my God. Emily didn’t call me.”

She registered that Hailey assumed she would contact Emily first. Because they’d been closer friends?

“I haven’t gotten in touch with her yet. I figured she’d be in school today, and, well, once I saw on Facebook that you had a restaurant…”

Hailey began to cry and reached out to hug Nell, who after an instant squeezed back. Someone else who was genuinely glad to see her. So why don’t I know her?

Once Hailey had wiped her tears away, she led Nell to a booth at the back. “Sit,” she demanded. “Talk. What happened to you?”

Colin’s caution ran through Nell’s mind. In this case, saying she didn’t remember wouldn’t be a lie. “All I know is that I was assaulted,” she said. She explained about having come to in the trunk of a car, her escape and the amnesia that had kept her from making her way home.

“I saw Mrs. Chisholm yesterday,” she concluded. “She told me about you and Emily.”

“Told you…” Hailey’s expression changed. “You mean, you still don’t remember?”

“I’m afraid not. I have some scattered, completely unhelpful memories. At least I sort of knew my parents. And I can see my brother’s face. So far, not much else.” Which wasn’t entirely a lie. “I’m…hoping you and Emily can tell me about the Maddie you knew.”

“Well…of course we will. But how bizarre.”

Nell rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it.”

“But you know your name.”

“I didn’t until a few weeks ago.” She explained about how Colin had found her. “When he said my name…” Her heart still clenched every time she thought about that moment. “I knew.”

“Your parents must be over the moon. Flyers with your picture were posted everywhere. Your dad offered a reward for any information.”

“I’m supposed to do a press conference this afternoon. The police officer’s idea. I’m dreading it,” she admitted.

Hailey jumped to her feet and insisted Nell have lunch before the ordeal. “I can sit with you for a few minutes. Oh! And I’ll give you Emily’s cell phone number. This is going to blow her away. I know she’ll want to see you tonight.”

Nell had a chicken sandwich with a spicy chipotle sauce and a cup of lentil soup that was amazing.

“I always loved to cook,” Hailey told her. “Do you remember…? Um, I guess not. Half the time we hung out at my house so I could bake. The café is best known for the pastries.” She wrinkled her nose. “I guess you can tell I like to eat my pastries, too.”

“Were we friends for a long time?”

Hailey shook her head. “No, only from freshman year on. My family moved here that summer. Starting high school where I didn’t know anyone was awful. You and Emily adopted me right away, though. Emily and I are still friends. Not as close—you know how it is, she went away to college and I work long hours and now she has Jason—but we stay in touch and get together maybe once a month or so. Text and talk sometimes. We got even closer after you disappeared. Where there’d been three there were two,” she said apologetically. “It was actually weird. For a while, we were like rock stars. Everyone was so awed because we were friends with you, and they thought we must know something nobody else did. The police talked to us a bunch of times.”

Nell tensed but tried not to show it. “Did you know anything nobody else did?”

“None of our lives were that exciting. Except after, I thought…” She stopped, gave a funny shrug. “I don’t know. Emily and I hardly ever came to your house, even though you had such a cool one. My parents didn’t have nearly as much money. You’d say things about your mom, but not that much. We both knew things weren’t good at home for you. So at first I wondered if you’d just run away. But then we never heard from you and the police didn’t find you, so I was afraid the wrong person had offered to help you run away, if you know what I mean.”

Everyone, it seemed, had known Maddie was unhappy. Everyone, that is, except her parents, who either hadn’t noticed or didn’t care. And who, most likely, were the cause of her unhappiness.

Hailey told her the three of them listened to music a lot. “Teenybopper stuff. Britney Spears, *NSYNC, Aaron Carter. You had such a crush on him! Do you remember…?” She made a horrible face. “Aagh! There I go again. Sorry, sorry! I keep forgetting.” Her eyes widened even more. “My mouth always runs away from me,” she wailed. “I need to delete the words forget and remember from my vocabulary.”