Burning Dawn (Angels of the Dark #3)(35)
Author: Gena Showalter

“You liked what I was doing to you,” he continued. “I could smell your arousal—I still can. If I were to feel between your legs, I know I would find you wet. Ready for me.”

Treacherous heat bloomed in her cheeks. “It’s true.” Like she could really deny it.

“And still you say no?”

Do it. Confirm. “Correct.” Don’t whimper.

His eyes narrowed, but he said, “Let’s talk about your concerns, then. Your…weeds?”

“No. Yes. Gah!” She breathed in and out with purpose, trying to calm her riotous pulse, and decided to start with the simplest problem. “I don’t know you. Not really. And what I do know…”

He nodded stiffly. “You don’t like.”

The hurt in his eyes nearly buckled her knees. “I didn’t mean it that way,” she said. Just say what you’ve been thinking. Let it out. “Thane, when you sleep with women, you’re done. Totally and completely done. You’ll fire me to get rid of me. I’ve already been warned.”

And if he slept with her and later found out what she was? He would feel betrayed, and punish her worse than the Phoenix in the courtyard.

He popped his jaw, but whether he was irritated with her or himself, she wasn’t sure. “You have my word. You will not be fired.”

Yes, but how would he treat her? As if she didn’t exist? As if he wished she would leave? That might be exactly what her vow to Bay required, and might even help her continue to hide her origins, but wow, she was so tired of being the outcast. And what would happen if—when—Thane turned his attention to another woman? Perhaps even the very next day. Elin would have to watch, helpless to do anything about it.

Already the thought of him with anyone else turned her stomach, and they hadn’t even slept together.

“What else?” he demanded.

Even talking about it was almost more than she could bear. Words made it real, rather than an action fueled only by passion. And stupidity. “I’ve never had a one-night stand, and while that’s all I think I should allow with you, and all you’ll probably want, I don’t know how I’ll react afterward. What if I…” she shuddered, saying, “cling?”

He rolled his shoulders, little ripples working through the feathers in his wings, mesmerizing her. “You will never hear me complain.”

Her heart hitched at the words. Never hear him complain—which meant he could do it, just not when she was around.

“Would you prefer to have a commitment from me?” he asked.

No. Never! “Yes,” she found herself saying. “I mean no.” Make up your stupid mind! “I don’t know. I promised myself I’d never do another commitment.”

“No one-night stands. No commitments.” His eyes narrowed. “You aren’t leaving me any options.”

That was the point. No options. No sex. “Maybe that’s for the best.”

“Maybe your promise deserves an amendment,” he said quietly, almost menacingly.

“Like, in my heart I will always stay true to Bay, but my body is up for grabs?” News flash. I already had a meeting with my board of directors and voted that one in, big guy.

He arched a brow, all, what do you think?

She sighed. “Have you ever been a part of a committed relationship?”

“No,” he admitted.

“Ever wanted to be?”

“No.”

At least he was honest.

And why did any of this even matter? This wasn’t a road she would travel. Was it?

He gently pinched her chin and forced her head to lift, her gaze to meet his. “Everything is different with you. Nothing is what I’m used to.” He paused as she absorbed those wonderful, beautiful words. “But none of that compares with one fact. I want you, Elin.” A flicker of unease flashed in his eyes—and of hope. “Do you want me? Because the answer is the only thing that matters right now.”

His unease nearly undid her. He was that anxious to hear her response? But it was the hope that sealed the deal. When it came to Thane, she was weak.

“I… Yes,” she admitted softly. “Yes, Thane, I want you.” Why couldn’t she be that certain about everything else? “I think I proved that.”

The hope intensified, only to fade in a blink. “Tell me, then. What is it, exactly, that you expect from me?”

Confused, she said, “What do you mean?”

“You saw the Harpy,” he intoned, his voice going cold, hard. “She was shackled.”

“Yes,” she rasped.

“You saw her condition.”

“Y-yes.”

“That is what I’ve always needed. Absolute control…absolute pain.”

“Always?”

He released a breath. “Until you.”

What? she almost squeaked. What made her so special?

“But when I had you in my arms,” he added, “you made it seem like you might actually desire a little pain and bondage.”

She peered down at her feet, embarrassed. Did he have to be so frank? “You’re saying you won’t shackle me, even if it’s what I claim to want.”

“That’s right. I won’t.”

That was good.

No, that was bad.

Actually, she didn’t know what it was. “Why?” she asked. “And what about the other thing?”

“The desire simply isn’t there. And I won’t beat you, either.” He reached out, traced his fingertips along her cheek. “You’ve had enough of that.”

Yes, she had. And yet…

She wasn’t sure what to think about any of this. “Has the desire ever been absent with another woman?”

“No.”

“Because they didn’t have a past like mine?”

A flash of guilt in his eyes, quickly gone. “I’m not sure. At the time, I didn’t care to know. With you, though, I care. I crave every detail.”

He cares. Why not tell him everything? Just put it all out there? He could get a peek at the overrun garden in her head. He might run.

What if he stays?

“You’re correct about my wants. In part.”

His brow furrowed. “Explain.”

“At camp, I was slapped, pushed and whipped by the very people responsible for the death of my father and husband. I was called names, and treated like an animal. But that wasn’t the worst of the abuse.” She drew in a deep breath. Held…held… “They taunted me with details of my family’s death. They wouldn’t allow me to speak to my mother, or her to speak to me. But I should have risked punishment, and talked to her. She needed me, and I was too afraid to help her.”