Carnal Secrets (The Phoenix Pack #3)(68)
Author: Suzanne Wright

Roni fingered the soft material of the white top as she quietly confessed, “I’m nervous about going downstairs and facing all those people.”

“How long has it been since you were last in this form?”

“About six months.”

Wow. “And that’s by choice? Your wolf doesn’t hound you to stay in wolf form?”

“Oh no, she’s quite happy to stay in that form for months at a time, but she doesn’t fight the change. She understands there has to be a balance.”

Right now, it wasn’t a very good balance in Shaya’s opinion. There wouldn’t be one until Roni healed. “The lingering guilt…it’ll get better…but only if you want it to. Sometimes we cling to the guilt because we think we deserve to suffer. That’s not the same as being truly guilty of something, is it?”

Roni frowned thoughtfully, but she didn’t answer.

“It’s not that you need to forgive yourself. It’s that you need to realize there’s nothing to forgive.”

“Have you forgiven Nick for not claiming you in the beginning? It wasn’t that he was abandoning you. If you had seen the state he was in when his cognitive functions started degenerating…It was horrible. We all panicked, scared we’d lose him. I remember the day he first met you. He came home that night, and he was in the foulest mood. He told me about you, about how it had killed him to leave you behind. I’ve honestly never seen him look so upset—not even when he was sentenced to time in juvie. Not even the times we went to visit him there. When he met you, he was in the middle of his healing sessions and his future was so unsure; he didn’t want to be your patient. I think he also worried that if he claimed you and then slowly became someone you didn’t even know—worse, someone who didn’t know you—you would then hate him.”

“Idiot.”

“Yeah, but Nick’s a good person. The best. He’ll drive you insane sometimes because he’s stubborn and likes having his own way, but he’ll do everything he can to make you happy.”

Shaya couldn’t deny that—he’d been doing it since he first turned up, wanting to claim her. He guarded Shaya with a ferocity that was more than protectiveness and possessiveness. It was in his tone, his posture, his gaze, and the way he liked to tuck her into the cradle of his shoulder, sheltering her while communicating “mine.” The intensity of it all made her feel totally safe and secure while still not stifling her on any level. And although Nick wasn’t, by any means, soft-shelled and could be quite cool and remote in general, he could be indulgent, thoughtful, patient, warm, and unselfish with her. He was safe and solid—exactly what a submissive wolf needed, exactly what Shaya wanted. “I have forgiven him. How could I not?”

“But you still haven’t allowed him to claim you.”

“Like I told Taryn, I worry he’ll decide he wants a female who matches both his physical and inner strength.”

Roni considered that for a moment before speaking. “I know you probably won’t want to hear about Nick’s past, but you should know that he never sought out only dominant females; his past flings include submissive wolves too. Status was never something that was an issue for him. He never treated any of those females the way he treats you—never looked at them like they were all that mattered. You could fix him, Shaya. But you could also break him totally. And don’t forget, if he wanted a dominant female that badly, he could have claimed Amber.” She said the female’s name through clenched teeth.

“You guys aren’t really friends, then?”

A snort. “No, she hangs around me to get to Nick.”

“You know what I don’t get? Nick is a really astute, observant person, yet he’s never—until now—picked up that Amber wants him.”

“Ah, but she’s been clever,” Roni said. “See, he was very clear to all the females that he’d never imprint with anyone. Many of them tried to seduce him into changing his mind, but Amber’s approach has been to become close to him in another way. To wriggle her way in by first becoming his ‘friend’—although if you were to ask Nick, he’d say he doesn’t have friends, because he doesn’t realize that people naturally like and look up to him. Anyway, she obviously hoped they could be friends and it would grow into something more. It hasn’t worked, because Nick doesn’t bond with people easily. He’s grateful that she’s good to me, but he doesn’t realize that she’s good to me just to impress him and earn his loyalty and a spot in his life.”

Shaya folded her arms across her chest and cocked her head. “Does she care about Nick?”

“Yes, I think she does. And it can’t be nice to watch someone you care about with someone else. I’d imagine it’s agonizing. But if you mate with Nick, she won’t try to steal him from you. She’s not delusional; she’ll know that the claiming has solidified the mating. And if she cares deeply for him, she’ll back off and wish you both luck. If not…well, just be careful. Whether we like it or not, she’s physically stronger than you, and she’d love to hurt you.”

Shaya smiled. “That’s okay. I’m good with a bat. And if all else fails, I can always show her my knife trick.”

Roni grinned. “You and I are going to get along so well.”

Wondering why Shaya was taking so long, Nick intended to go upstairs in search of her—followed closely by Amber, who was jabbering on about something or other. When he reached the hallway and heard footsteps on the stairs, he was expecting to see Shaya. His mouth dropped open at the sight he found. “Roni?” Reaching the bottom of the stairs, she smiled a little awkwardly, as if unsure what reception she’d receive. He pulled her into a huge hug. “Hey.” When her arms went around him, he swallowed hard. Seeing Shaya smiling at him, he mouthed, “Thank you.” He didn’t have to ask to know that she had something to do with it.

Shaya was enjoying watching Nick and Roni chattering away and doing that sibling teasing thing…until Amber came to her side, making her automatically tense slightly. Her wolf bared her teeth.

“It’s so amazing,” said Amber, gesturing to Roni. “We don’t see her in her human form often. Even when she changes, she often keeps to herself. It’s great to have her being sociable like this. Thank you.” She laid a hand on Shaya’s arm, the image of sweetness.