Ceaseless
Chapter Seventeen
Pagan
Four days of dodging Dank and ignoring Gee when she attempted to bring it up was beginning to wear on me. This was stupid. I’d been on one real date with Dank Walker. I’d kissed him a few times and I’d fallen under the sexy charisma he had going for him. Every girl falls for a boy in a band at sometime. It happens. It’s life. You learn from it and move on. I was ready to do that. Why it had bothered me so deeply was beyond me. Except I’d never actually had anyone betray me. But was that really betrayal? We weren’t a couple. We’d made no promises. Dank could screw a girl outside of a building if he wanted to. I wasn’t going to be having sex with him. He was appealing. It was bound to happen. My pride had been damaged a little but I was ready to bounce back.
I had spent the weekend studying alone in my room. It was Monday morning and Dank would be in my next class. I’d smile and be polite and detached. No reason to act like anything happened. It wasn’t like he had called all weekend or texted me. I was sure he knew about my hearing his sex party outside because Gee knew. Unfortunately she’d been there right after I’d heard it so she had seen my immediate reaction. I really, really hoped she hadn’t shared that scene with Dank. I would have to pretend she hadn’t if I was going to face him today.
I’d gotten a little wrapped up in the romance of it all and that was my first mistake.
Opening the door to Calculus, I realized that last week Dank had carried my books inside for me. He’d brought me to class on the back of his motorcycle. I’d walked on the wild side for two weeks. It was time for me to focus. I didn’t scan the room to see if Dank was already there. I found an empty seat and focused on getting in it to keep my eyes from roving over the room. If he was sitting with this weeks flavor; I may have difficulty paying close attention to the professor.
Dropping my books on my desk, I pulled out my pencils and a notebook. I’d given his laptop to Gee and told her to make sure he got it back. I no longer needed it. That was of course untrue but I had been pissed.
Then a tingling sensation ran down my spine and I knew without looking that the shadow that had fallen over my desk belonged to Dank. Dangit.
“Can I sit here?” His voice was husky and free of humor.
We were surrounded by people and the professor was walking to the front of the room. It wasn’t like I could tell him no without making a scene. Not to mention the fact I would be alerting him that his sex-capade bothered me.
“Sure,” I replied, forcing a smile and focusing on the numbers the professor was writing on the board.
Did he have to sit so close? I could do without having to smell him. I was already aware he smelled delicious. I didn’t need to be reminded.
“Are you going to look at me?” He asked
No, dammit. I didn’t want to look at him. I forced my head to turn and meet his gaze. He looked sad. I hadn’t expected that. Why was he sad? I couldn’t ask him that though. I wasn’t going to let this thing go any further. I’d drawn my line. He would have to stay on his side. Which was as my classmate and friend of my suitemate. Nothing more.
“Can we talk about it?” His voice was soft. He didn’t want anyone else to hear him.
“Nothing to talk about. I need to listen to this if I’m gonna pass this class,” I replied with the same fake smile.
“If you want me to continue sitting here then you’ll stop now.”
He nodded, “I’m sorry.”
I hated the way he flinched when I spoke to him harshly. I just wanted him to go away. I didn’t want to feel anything where he was concerned.
Class crept by at a snail’s pace. When it was finally over I didn’t look at Dank. I’d successfully ignored him the entire class. Which had been easy considering he didn’t say a word. I shoved my notebook into my bag and stood up. Dank was still sitting in his chair staring straight ahead with a deep frown on his ridiculously good looking face.
I should not care that he was upset. I should not care. I should not care; I kept chanting to myself as I walked down the aisle and toward the door. I would not look back. There was no reason to. The ache in my chest as I stepped out of the building leaving Dank sitting there alone like that bugged me. I rubbed the ball of my hand over my ache and kept going. I had a study group in thirty minutes.
***
I hadn’t expected to see Jay sitting on the steps of my dorm today. I wasn’t really in the mood for it either but perhaps he was here to pick up the redhead. I still didn’t know her name. Could have been whom Dank was screwing in the dark.
I smiled at Jay when his eyes met mine. He was a nice guy. At least he kept it real. He didn’t act like he was just interested in you. He let you know he wasn’t a one-woman kind of man. I had to respect that.
“Hello, Jay,” I said as I reached the steps. I didn’t figure I had to stick around for small talk.
Jay stood up blocking my path up the stairs, “Pagan, hey.”
Okay well we’d said our polite greetings. I had assignments to work on. I started to step around him but his hand reached out and took my hand. “Wait. I wanted to talk to you.”
Well, crap. “’Bout what?” I asked looking back up at the entrance so that he got the hint I had other things to get to.
“I know I screwed up things last week. I was an idiot. But you are all I’ve thought about for two weeks. I can’t get you out of my head. Please, just go have coffee with me. At least let’s be friends. I miss you.”
Miranda was busy with Nathan all the time and now that I didn’t have Dank hanging around I was lonely. A friend would be nice. With Jay I knew where I stood. He was easy for me to read. No secrets, no sexy smoldering looks to give me the wrong idea.
“Friends would be good. I need a friend. Miranda spends more time on the UT campus with Nathan than she does here.”
The books could wait. “Let me go drop this thing off in my room and I’ll be right back. Please feel free to ask out anyone who walks by that interests you,” I teased.
Jay’s frown appeared and I realized he didn’t think it was funny. “It was a joke. If we’re gonna be friends then you have to relax,” I said before opening the door and heading up to my room.
Once I reached my door the sounds of moaning stopped me from turning the knob. I pressed my ear against the door and I heard Miranda cry out in obvious pleasure. Oh, wow. She was actually having sex with this guy. Backing away from the door I went over to Gee’s door and knocked softly.
Gee opened the door and reached up and pulled a cotton ball out of her ear. “What, you don’t want to walk in on the porn show over there?” Gee asked.
“Not really, no. Could I leave my bag in here? Jay is waiting for me to go have coffee.”
Gee scowled and nodded her head. She reached out and took the bag from my hands. “Yeah, fine.” What was her problem? It was just my bag.
“How long have they been over there?” I asked looking toward my room where a grunt made me cringe. I could have done without hearing that.
“Long enough. They’re rabbits. Fucking rabbits.”
Poor Gee, stuck in here listening to them. “You want to go have coffee with me and Jay?”
Gee cocked her pierced eyebrow and shook her head, “No thanks. I’m good. The cotton balls work.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
Miranda’s “Oh God,” echoed down the hall. The girl was crazy. She was going to get caught. I walked over to our door and banged on it, “Put a sock in it, Miranda.”
Gee shook her head and closed the door as I walked back by.
Jay was standing just outside the door waiting for me. He was also alone. Surprising. “Sorry that took so long. Miranda and Nathan are in our room…” I trailed off.
Nathan laughed, “Yeah, well I’m just glad they moved it over here. I was getting tired of it.”
Jay shook his head, “Nope. Not by a long shot.”
I couldn’t believe she was having wild loud sex with a guy she’d just met. No wonder she was gone all the time. She was in over her head way too fast. We were going to have to talk about this. The first relationship she has after Wyatt and she jumps into the physical part in less than a two weeks.
“I had no idea.”
Jay shrugged, “It happens. They are really into each other. Nathan talks about her nonstop. It may be a little early for the sex but they both seem to be unable to keep their hands off each other.”
“Yeah, I heard that. Several times,” I mumbled.
Jay bumped my arm with his, “Don’t worry about it, Pagan. Just be glad she’s finally found life after Wyatt. And honestly I’ve never seen Nathan that into someone before. He’s normally disinterested.”
That made it a little better but still, in just two weeks?
“You still seeing Dank Walker?”
I rolled my eyes, “I was never seeing Dank Walker. We went out on one date. One. Then he was ready to move on to a new girl.”
“Are you okay with that?” Jay asked watching me for my reaction.
“Yes, I am. Like I said it was one date. No big deal. I wasn’t his type. You and I already knew that.”
We reached Jay’s little fancy sports car he’d gotten when he graduated from high school. I couldn’t remember what it was called. I just knew he was in love with it. He walked me to my side and opened the door for me. I slid inside and he closed the door.
This was comfortable. I knew what to expect.