Ceaseless
Chapter Twenty-Two
Pagan
I waited outside the coffee shop at an umbrella table for Jay to arrive. I figured if I laid it all out there and gave him an out with me then that would be settled. The Deity had screwed up with this soul mate match. If Jay didn’t want me and I didn’t want Jay then there was no problem.
Dank was somewhere across the street watching me. He agreed that this just might work. Especially, if Jay was doing another girl. But Dank wanted to be close by and honestly I felt like I’d just got him back after a very long separation. I didn’t want him to go anywhere.
“Hey, Pagan. You already ordered. I’d have gotten your coffee,” Jay said as he pulled out the chair across from me.
“I was in need of caffeine,” I replied.
“I missed you at the frat house last night. It isn’t any fun when you don’t come with me.”
I sat my cup down and looked him dead in the eyes. “Jay. I know that you have plenty of fun when I’m not there. I also know that you have all this fun while in bed or wherever you so choose to do it with Victoria. It’s okay. I’m not mad. I just want us to lay it all out here and come to some form of closure.”
Jay sat there with a stunned look on his face. Did the guy really not think I’d find out?
“I don’t want closure. I want you. Yeah, so I might have messed around with Victoria some but that is because you won’t ever come to anything ATO has. I’m the only guy there without a date. Victoria is all over me. After a few drinks it’s hard to turn down.”
I’m sure somewhere in all that he had a point. “Our wants and needs are very different. You need things I can’t give you or that I don’t want to give you. It’s perfectly okay that you need them. Getting them from Victoria is fine with me. But I just don’t want to pretend like we have a relationship when you are having sex with someone else. We don’t have a relationship. If someone else asks me out and I want to go, I will go.”
Jay frowned, “Who asked you out?”
“That is beside the point. What this is about is the fact you have some sort of feelings for Victoria because I find it hard to believe you can just have sex with her over and over and feel nothing for her.”
Jay put both his elbows on the table and buried his head in his hands. “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I do want you Pagan. I do. But she throws herself at me and I can’t seem to turn her down.”
Poor guy; he was clueless.
I reached over and patted his hand, “It’s okay. You want her; she wants you. It all is okay. Just enjoy being free to be together. No reason to hide it from me.”
Jay lifted his head and looked at me. “You’ve never been normal. Most girls would be pouring coffee over my head and screaming at me. You just pat my hand and tell me my sexual activity is okay. To go enjoy.”
I laughed and stood up. “You were the one who wanted to pursue something between the two of us. Not me. I was never in this for anything resembling love. If I had been then yes, I’d be devastated. But I just like you as a friend, Jay. I want you to be happy.”
Jay leaned back in his chair. “This means I don’t get another chance, doesn’t it?”
Was he kidding me? I shook my head, “Nope, I’d say you’re all out of chances. That ship has sailed.”
“Can we still be friends?”
I glanced across the street and saw Dank leaning against a tree. His arms were crossed over his chest and he watched us closely. I knew he heard every word. “We can be friends from afar. No hanging out, just waving at each other in passing.”
“I’ll never forgive myself for losing you,” Jay said.
“I’m thinking that you’ll get over it. There is someone out there for you. Someone who won’t bore you and who loves the same things you do.”
He shook his head, “It sure isn’t Victoria.”
I kind of disagreed with him but I didn’t say anything.
“Goodbye, Jay,” I said for the last time, then turned and headed across the street. Dank was waiting for me on the other side. His smile made everything perfect. Knowing he was there and would always be there made everything okay.
I stepped out into the street with my eyes on him. The blaring horn and Dank’s terror-filled eyes were the only warning I had.
“No Pagan. Don’t you dare come out of there. You stay in there. Don’t you leave your body.”
I stared up at Dank, who looked frantic. His eyes were filled with unshed tears.
“Why are you so upset?”
“NO! I said not to leave your body. Pagan get back in there,” Dank begged.
“She left it because she had to Dankmar. Get a grip and think this through. You’re Death, chill the fuck down.” Gee’s voice surprised me. It had an angelic ring to it that I’d never heard before. It was almost funny to hear her curse.
“Would one of you tell me why you’re upset?”
Sirens began to wail and I spun around to see an ambulance headed our way. Police sirens joined in and suddenly we were surrounded by a swarm of people. Two paramedics rushed toward me and bent down at my feet. How odd.
I looked down and saw myself laying there… oh my god.
“Dank?” I asked, panicking as I watched a man pumping my chest and breathing into my mouth.
Two warm arms came around me. “It’s okay Pagan. We will figure this out. I will figure this out. This was not supposed to happen. You were not on the books. I would have known.”
I wasn’t on the books?
“Dank, am I dead?”
He didn’t reply right away. “Gee, distract the paramedics and police. Distract everyone. I’m taking the body.”
“I said to distract them, dammit. I’m taking her body. Something is wrong. This was not supposed to happen.”
Gee nodded and ran out into the crowd screaming, “Help me, please help me.” Police officers started chasing her and both paramedics looked back to see what the commotion was. She was dodging the police and yelling at the paramedics that she needed mouth to mouth. She was having an allergic reaction.
I turned to look over at Dank and he was picking up my lifeless body. He grabbed my hand and we were no longer outside. We were walking through a dark drafty tunnel that was continuously spinning. I was too busy trying to figure out what was happening to think to ask Dank where we were.
Then we were walking out of the tunnel into my dorm room?
Dank laid my body down on the bed gently as if it mattered. I wasn’t in there anymore.
“Okay. You have to get back in there,” he said looking back at me.
“Um, I don’t know how,” I replied. What was the big deal?
Dank walked over to me and grabbed my hands. His were cooler to the touch now. “Pagan, listen to me. If your soul is taken up then you will be given another life. You won’t be this age again for eighteen more years. I would have to wait until you matured to even approach you. Then there is the chance you will tell me to go away. We’ve already been through that. Please, baby, please. Don’t leave me.
“She can’t get back into the body, Dankmar,” a deep smooth voice filled the room making the walls shake.
Dank pushed me behind him and turned to face the voice. “This was a mistake. She wasn’t on the books. If you took her before her time then a rule was broken.”
Dank’s body was strung tight as a bow. He was ready to fight whoever was in here. The fact their voice shook the room wasn’t a comforting thought.
“We told you she had to choose.” The voice said.
“She did choose,” Dank shouted.
I raised my hand and peeked around the corner, a tall man at least eight feet tall, since his head was grazing the ceiling, gazed back at me with silver eyes. Completely silver—there was no pupil. “I did choose,” I squeaked out. He was bigger than I’d thought.
“We are aware of her choice, Dankmar. We are also aware of other things as well.”
I felt my face and neck heat up. So, they knew about… was there no privacy? I decided hiding behind Dank wasn’t such a bad idea. I moved back out of the giant’s sight.
“I didn’t force her to choose. She never wanted him.” Dank said with a defensive tone. He really needed to stop goading this man. Dank was big but he wasn’t that big.
“We are very capable of determining things ourselves. Now if you would let me finish a complete thought before interrupting me Death, that would be most appreciated.”
Dank stood up straighter and reached back to put his hand in mine. I squeezed tightly reassuring him I was here. No one had taken off with me. Yet.
“Have you considered the fact that she is a mortal? Her body will grow old and die. Were you planning on refusing to take her soul when her body is so old it can no longer function?”
“You promised me if she chose me I could keep her for an eternity.”
“Yes we did and you shall. But there is only one way,” there was a pause and then, “come here, Pagan.”
Dank held my hand firmly and pulled me around to stand beside him. He didn’t let go of my hand. “What do you want with her? What are you going to do?”
The man stared down at me and then raised his right hand into the air. A thick mist filled the room and the sound of rushing water roared in my ears. I squeezed Dank’s hand tighter. A warm tingle began in my fingers and slowly spread throughout my soul. It wasn’t unpleasant but it was different. Something was happening. A loud crack caused me to jump and Dank’s arms came around me.
“It is done. You’ve fought hard for her, Dankmar. We believe you chose well. Now, heed these words. She will live as long as you walk the earth. Your eternity will be hers. She will walk everywhere you walk. Her being is no longer that of soul or body. She is as you are, a form of deity. She may appear in any form. She is your mate. Her soul is no longer. It has been transformed. She will abide by the rules set in place. She may live this lifetime near those souls she loves. They will never know she has changed. They cannot. Her appearance to the humans she keeps close will change as they change. Once she is ready to walk away from the life she now leads she can let go of those rules and walk as you do without care.”
I didn’t understand most of what he’d just said. Looking up at Dank I watched him nod. ‘Thank you.”
A swift breeze and then he was gone. I looked back at the bed—my body was gone, too.
Dank
“I’m gone or at least my body is gone,” Pagan said in a hushed whisper.
Yes, her human body was gone. She would no longer need it. “Did you understand what he just said?”
Pagan began to nod her head then she shook it then she shrugged, “Maybe a little.”
I laughed and bent down to kiss her forehead. “You will appear as I do. Miranda is about to walk through that door in a panic looking for you. She will see you. Nothing about you looks different to her. Only I can tell that you are no longer human. “
“So I’m like you now?”
The door swung open and Miranda came running in and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Pagan. “Pagan! You’re alive. You’re here. Thank God. Jay said you’d been hit by a car and that the paramedics came and then there was this commotion and then you were gone. Everyone is looking for you. We have to let them know you’re alive.” Miranda choked on a sob and threw her arms around Pagan. “I couldn’t lose you too. I lost Wyatt, I can’t lose you.”
My eyes met Pagan’s over Miranda’s shoulder and a smile tilted up the corners of her lips. We’d done it. Pagan didn’t have to give up her life and I didn’t have to give up Pagan.
“You won’t ever lose me. I can promise you that,” Pagan replied and winked at me before pulling back and squeezing Miranda’s shoulders. “It’s okay. I don’t remember walking back here but I did. Dank found me. I think I may possibly have had a concussion but I’m fine now. Really.
Miranda nodded and kissed her cheek, “I love you, Pagan.”
Pagan laughed, “I love you too.