Cherry Girl (Neil & Elaina #1)(35)
Author: Raine Miller

It wasn’t easy to see him like that and not remember what that body looked like without the clothes. And when he was making love to me with it.

Okay, that hurt. I gave myself an emphatic and harsh mental slap on the hand. No more wandering thoughts about the past or what I’d walked away from. I couldn’t indulge or I’d never make it, and Mum and Ian would be visiting me at Bethlem Hospital where I’d be wearing a tight white coat with a very long wraparound belt.

“Well if you didn’t wake up you’d never be able to get to sleep tonight,” he said, taking a drink of his Guinness.

“Right,” I said dismissively. “So what are we having?” I peered toward the oven. “Whatever’s in there smells divine.” I inhaled.

“That’s Mum’s perfect roast beef and potatoes,” Neil told me.

“Oh, but Neil went out and bought the nicest piece of beef while you were sleeping, Elaina. He’s thought of everything, even a lovely dessert he’s going to make for us later,” Mum chattered cheerfully.

“Ahh, nice. What will you make?” I asked.

“Fool.”

“That sounds…umm…interesting?—I think.”

He laughed. “A fool is nothing more than cooked fruit stirred into freshly whipped cream. Easy, right? If I can make it, then anyone can.”

“And tell Elaina what the cooked fruit is, dear,” Mum told him with barely suppressed glee.

“Oh, yeah, I thought about it and decided to go with…cherries.” He gave me a boyish grin and pursed his lips together to keep from laughing outright.

I rolled my eyes. “Funny. You two are absolutely hilarious together. Make sure to top my portion of Fool with extra fruit, please.”

The act I was playing would be difficult to maintain for much longer before I snapped. It was all fun and games until somebody got hurt, just as the old saying went. I could only march in step for so long before I fell out of formation. The more attention he paid me—the sweet gentle teasing, the kind remarks, the smiles and winks—the worse I felt. It just taught me more about what I’d left behind. What I’d never really have for myself again.

Oh, it was nice that we could be civil to one another now. The über awkwardness was behind us it seemed, but how was I supposed to just go forward with Neil? Former lovers now friends? And for how goddamn long could I stand it? Working at BSI was going to be torture. I should probably start looking for another job.

The utter emptiness inside me, the lack of motivation to find anything remotely good about this scenario with Neil and me, had just up and died.

Later, after dinner had been cleared away and we were onto our Cherry Fool, which had turned out very nice, the fun and games just got more surreal.

“Neil darling, tell Elaina all about your wonderful inheritance.”

“Oh, I’m sure she doesn’t want to hear about that, Mum,” he said, focusing on his creamy dessert as a way to avoid the topic.

My ears perked up instantly. Again, I’m the last person on earth to know things about Neil, and the details of his life. But whom did I have to blame for that? I breathed and told my fluttering heart to settle down and start getting used to it.

“Yes I do,” I blurted.

“Yes she does,” Mum said, speaking at the same time as me.

Neil’s eyes softened as he looked up at me and I knew what he was on about.

You’re trying to gentle the blow because you know how badly I’m struggling with this.

He knew me so well.

“You’ve gotten an inheritance? But from whom?”

“A great uncle I’d never met. He was the brother of my gran. No living children and I was his closest blood relative.” He shrugged. “Nobody was more surprised than me.”

“When did this happen?” Stupid question to ask him. You know the answer will hurt.

“While I was still deployed.” He shifted his body in the chair. “The solicitors had to wait on me to come home. It was months before I could get up there to see the place.”

If I’d stuck around I could have helped him while he was gone.

“Yes, and Neil has a beautiful house on an estate in Scotland, Elaina. There’s a good deal of land for hunting and a lake where you can fish from a boat. Ian’s been up there with him on hunting weekends before. The land is so stunning in photos…oh, and tell her about the cherry trees, darling.”

He looked uncomfortable while Mum gushed about the lovely Scottish country estate that everyone in the world knew he owned, but me, apparently.

I set down my spoon and focused on him, giving him my full attention and a smile. Somehow I knew what was coming would be painful to hear. Premonitions happen sometimes and this one was gonna hurt.

“There are cherry trees on the property,” he began. “An unusual variety that blooms twice in a year. In the early spring of course, but in autumn, after all the leaves have changed their colours and fallen down…they come into bloom for a second time. They call it Autumn Cherry.”

That’s not fair.

When he finished speaking, I blinked to keep my eyes from flooding. I thought I did a pretty good job considering the words that had just come out of his mouth, and the hidden meaning within them. They come into bloom for a second time.

“It sounds very lovely. I hope to see pictures some time. And congratulations, I’m so happy for your good fortune.”

He nodded his head in acknowledgement.

I pushed my chair out and got up from the table with a smile…I think. I was certainly trying my hardest to pull it off anyway.

“You know…I’m going to have to excuse myself for the night.” I brought my hand up to my temple. “My head is just pounding something awful and I think the best thing for me is to just give it up and get back in bed.”

Neil’s soulful eyes rested on me as I babbled away; no judgment, none of the harsh anger I’d seen in them before, just kindness and acceptance. I couldn’t look into them anymore. Too painful to realize I would never be the recipient of those eyes looking at me out of love.

“Mum, Neil, thank you for a smashing meal. It was superb. Goodnight.”

Neil pulled up to his feet in deference to me standing, his manners still functioning perfectly after all the years of training by his gran.

“It was my pleasure.”

I turned and left the dining room. I held myself together until I was just in the doorway—when I heard him say it.

“Feel better, Cherry.”