Collision Course(50)
Author: S.C. Stephens

I looked away and muttered, "Ready, Sawyer?"

I heard her stand and cheerily say goodbye to Sally. She was still buzzing about the dance and they’d apparently been talking about it. As she hopped off the bleachers, I glanced back at Sally. She nodded politely at me, but had on odd look on her face – almost compassionate and disapproving. Like she understood how hard things were for me, but still didn’t like me or what I’d done. I could understand that.

As Sawyer and I walked away, I shook my head and sighed. She asked if I was alright and instead of my usual answer of fine, I told her that Sally didn’t like me.

She shook her head. "No, she does."

I gave her a blank look. "She said that."

She frowned and her eyes shifted to the corners as she ran through past conversations in her head. "Well, no, not outright." She looked back to me. "She’s never said anything bad about you though."

I smirked that in her logic, not saying anything mean was akin to being liked. "That’s because she likes you, Sawyer." Pointedly I said, "Believe me, she doesn’t trust me and she doesn’t like me. If you told her you were going with someone else to the dance, you’d see it. She’d probably do cartwheels."

She sighed as she opened the gym door. "Not everyone’s against you, Luc."

I sighed as I followed her out. "So you keep telling me…"

I was anxious to go to bed after Sawyer left for the night. I desperately wanted to see Lil. Wishing for bedtime made the evening go by exceedingly slow. Especially since Mom was working and I had no one to help me pass the time. I ended up crawling into bed at six and staring at my ceiling, willing sleep to claim me. When it didn’t, I considered popping an Ambien…but, remembering my promise to Sawyer and her face when we’d talked about it, I didn’t.

Eventually my body did succumb to slumber and I drifted away to unconsciousness. I floated in a hazy realm, not really knowing where I was or when I was or even what I was. Then my world seemed to solidify and I had the distinct feeling of cool air brushing across my cheek, followed by the sound of gravel crunching under my shoes. I smelled crisp, clean air and heard a train rumbling in the distance. I smiled as I realized where I was.

I turned and behind me was a rundown looking split-level home with a large rectangular paved driveway, a basketball hoop prominently hanging over the garage. The house had seen better days, but busy parents with two rambunctious boys had made home repairs fall by the wayside. Two rambunctious boys…and me, I suppose, since I was as much a part of this household as the actual sons, Darren and Josh.

I looked over the house, reminiscing. I hadn’t been to the home in real life since the accident. Darren’s family still lived there, I just wasn’t welcome anymore. Looking at the picture perfect memory I’d created, I smiled as I took in the second story window with a shutter missing. Josh had tried sneaking out one night and stumbling, pulled off the decorative wood as they both tumbled to the ground. They’d never repaired the window, using the money to repair Josh’s arm instead. I moved my eyes over to the gutter, half pulled away from the home by Darren. He’d been convinced he was Spiderman when he was eight, and had tried climbing up the house to prove it to me, since I’d said he was full of crap. He’d realized he wasn’t, the minute the gutter gave way under his weight and he’d fallen heavily to the ground, twisting his ankle.

I took in the other features I knew so well, as well as my own home. The worn spot on the first floor roof that we’d created from years of us jumping from that point into their collapsible pool. The dent in the garage door where Darren had accidently backed his Geo into it. The long scratch along the side of the house that Darren and Josh had made when they’d tried to haul a full size ping-pong table down the narrow rosebush-lined path that led to the front door. The only thing they’d successfully done that day was scratch the home and trample some of their mom’s beloved flowers.

No one in the house had been happy that night. Still, I’m sure Darren’s mom would take a thousand of those nights over the one night I had given her months ago. A long sigh came out of me as I thought about the last time I saw her. It was at Darren’s funeral. She wouldn’t even look at me. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her, her or Darren’s dad. I’d watched them from the back of the ceremony, wondering how much they hated me. I didn’t see how they could feel anything less than loathing for me.

It had certainly been that way for Lil and Sammy’s parents. Sammy’s mom had slapped me at her funeral. My mom had nearly slapped the woman back, but she’d broken down into sobs and had to be carted off by Sammy’s older brothers. The entire family had left town not long after.

Lil’s parents had also moved, gone back to where they had originally moved out here from. Her parents had been more reserved around me, not seeming to hold any anger, just regret. They’d regretted bringing her out here in the first place. They’d regretted fostering our relationship. And they’d regretted trusting me. The last thing her father had said to me was, "How could you not be more careful."

Since I asked myself that same thing every day, I could only hang my head at him and say, "I don’t know." Her parents had left with her baby sister not long after. The only ones left were Josh and his mom and dad. I didn’t see the latter two people; we all avoided anything that might bring us into contact with each other. As for Josh…well, him I couldn’t avoid until I graduated.

A voice in front of me snapped me out of my melancholy. "Catch."

Instinctively I looked up, right as a basketball headed for my chest. I caught it, my head snapping to Darren in front of me, laughing. I laughed as well and bounced the ball a couple times. He squatted to defend the basket behind him and I crouched down as well, moving the ball from one side of me to the other.

"Hey, Darren, good to see you."

He shifted from one foot to the other, watching my movements. "Yeah, well, I get bored just hanging out with two girls all the time…thought I’d surprise you."

I chuckled at the thought of him, Sammy and Lillian all hanging around some ethereal place, waiting for a doorway to my dreams to open. A part of me knew that wasn’t how it worked, that they weren’t real people, waiting around for me, but it eased my heart to think of them that way, to think of them with full and complete lives, even when I wasn’t around. Much like Sawyer, as I’d fully realized today.

He grinned and I suddenly moved with the ball, twirling around him when he got close to me. Coach was right though, Darren had good hands. He snaked out and tore the ball away from me, twisting and shooting before I had barely even registered that the ball was gone. It swished through the hoop and he pumped a fist in the air.

He pointed over to me as he went to grab the ball that was starting to bounce over into the grass. "You still suck, Lucas." He laughed as he reached down to pick the ball up. "You’d think you’d make yourself better in your dreams."

I exhaled slowly as I took his place, crouching in front of the basket. "I’m all about realism," I muttered sullenly.

He dribbled the ball and cocked his head at me. "Is that why you and Lil still haven’t done it?"

I straightened at his comment and he darted past me, scoring another basket. He laughed as he scooped up the ball and tossed it to my still standing in the same spot body. I caught it and gave him a glare. "We’re going to, Darren…soon."

I dribbled the ball and changed places with him. He crouched down, ready for me and I immediately tried to fake him out and get around him. Didn’t work. He anticipated the move and ducked under my hand to catch the dribble before I could. Deftly he twisted and backhanded the ball into the basket. Show off.

I scooped it up as he laughed at me again. "You’ll never score, Luc." Knowing he meant that in more ways than one, I forcefully chucked the ball at him. He grunted when he caught it. "Hey," he muttered.

I stood under the basket with my arms out. "What’s really on your mind, Darren?"

He idly bounced the ball as he stared at me. Finally, he sighed and shrugged. "I just think it’s stupid, Luc." I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back, waiting for him to explain that. He sighed again and held the ball under his arm. "You held off hav**g s*x with Lil in real life, but you’re trying to get her to go all the way with you in your dreams? You’re demented man."

I glowered at him as irritation sparked in me. Why did he always have to go there? "Thanks." My tone was flat, not amused in the slightest. Sniffing, I raised my chin and added, "Why shouldn’t we? As you always say – it’s just sex. Why make such a big deal out of it?"

He looked at me incredulously, like I’d just asked him the most outrageous thing he’d ever heard. "Uh, because she’s dead. Because we’re not talking about you guys holding off at junior prom because she thought it was too cliche. She’s a corpse, dude."

I blanched at his harsh choice of words. "So are you."

One edge of his lip twisted into a wry grin as he brought a hand to his chest. "Yeah, but we’re only talking. We’re not screwing."

I looked away from him, wishing he would drop this and just hang out with me, just be the best friend I needed him to be. My real life was hard enough. I didn’t need that filtering into my dreams too. "I want to, Darren." Quieter I added, "I always wanted to."

I felt him come up to me and put a hand on my shoulder. Reluctantly, I looked back at him. His face was firm, but deeply sympathetic. "But you didn’t, Luc. You guys decided to wait…and you ran out of time." He shook his head, a sad smile playing on his lips. "You have to let that go."

I shook my head, my brows furrowing. "No, I can’t… I don’t…" I shut my mouth and paused, collecting myself. "This way I can be with her. We can pick up right where we left off. It will be like nothing bad ever happened." I knew my eyes and voice were pleading with him, and I wasn’t sure why I needed his support on this so badly. Maybe I was just tired of being chastised by people on the subject.

He sighed and dropped the ball on the ground. It bounced just once and then ominously stuck to the ground with a dull thud. Darren ran his hands through his hair and grunted irritably. He flung his hands out to his sides as he spoke. "Bad things did happen, Lucas. And you can’t just wish them away." He waved his arms around him, indicating his house and the driveway. "Dude, all of this is just in your head. If you have sex with her, it will just be in your head!" He gave me a pointed look and poked a finger in my chest. "You’ll just wake up all alone in your bed, with wet sheets, wishing you had something more."

I stepped back and lightly pushed his shoulders away from me. I felt my jaw tighten as I answered him. He was hitting too close to home, and fear started to mix with my irritation. "So…it will feel real during."

His face remained sympathetic, but his tone betrayed his own rising temper. "But, Luc…it’s not. She’s dead, man…let her go, let us all go." He stepped forward and put his hands on my shoulders, shaking me lightly, like he wanted to shake some sense into me. "You’re going to die a virgin because you can’t let her go. Wet dreams will be the extent of your relationships, and that’s not fair to the real people who love you. And she does, you know. And you do too."