Collision Course(56)
Author: S.C. Stephens

My hands slid up to her shoulder blades again, hugging her to me, our heads resting together again. My heart warmed as I held her tight, never wanting to let her go, never wanting her to get hurt again. The music swelled around us and my hand came up to cup her cheek. We inched closer and now every inch of her was pressing against me, head to foot. We’d stopped bothering to move with the music awhile ago and were just standing still together on the swaying-with-bodies dance floor, holding each other.

"I’m so sorry, Sawyer." I rocked my head against hers as my thumb stroked her cheek, wishing I could stroke away her pain. "I wish I’d been there. I wish I’d known you." I exhaled softly and ran my finger along the edge of her face. I could see her eyes start to water again as she stared at me. "I wish I could have saved you from that."

My hand moved around to the back of her head, holding her in place against me. She lifted her chin so our noses rested side-by-side and her breath lightly fanned over me. "I’d never let anyone hurt you, Sawyer. I’d never hurt you. I love you," I whispered, my words not making it any farther than the centimeters away from me that she was.

I didn’t know what I meant by that phrase anymore. I couldn’t think of anything, other than the overwhelming feelings I had for her. I couldn’t process anything farther than naming that feeling. Her watering eyes threatened to drop that moisture as she held my intense gaze. "I love you too," she whispered, a tear finally making it down her cheek. I didn’t know what she meant by that either. There were so many different levels of love – it was too exhausting to think about it…so I stopped.

My hand came back to her cheek, stroking the tear away with my thumb. Her lips parted, her breath picking up pace, and my eyes drifted down to the perfect heart arch. I found myself closing the distance between us, my lower lip brushing her upper one. We paused like that, my breath faster, my heart starting to race and my body starting to react again.

"Lucas," she whispered, her lips moving against mine as she spoke.

My throat closed on me and my nerves spiked. The pounding in my chest intensified to a level that I thought might be dangerous for me, and the only coherent thing screaming in my head was ‘kiss her.’ Her body pressed against mine, our lips lightly touching, her thumbs stroking the back of my neck, my free one rubbing against the fabric of her dress. It was all too much for my body – too emotional, too sensual. I couldn’t help it and I couldn’t stop it, especially since I’d been struggling with my hormones all night anyway, and her h*ps pressing against mine were only exacerbating the situation.

She gasped softly and glanced down at where our h*ps were touching and I knew she knew. I knew she could feel me becoming aroused by her. Embarrassed beyond belief at what I’d been trying so desperately to hide from her earlier now being exposed, I stepped back, quickly dropping my hands to my sides. Surprising me, she stepped forward, pressing herself up against me again and I sucked in a quick breath.

"Oh…Lucas…" she whispered again, her hand coming up to my cheek, her lips stopping just short of touching mine.

My heart thudded in my ears as I debated. As I debated crossing that line again, debated caving to the feeling I’d been fighting back all night, debated letting her in. Finally, I stopped fighting this feeling I’d been losing against all evening anyway. Hating myself, I leaned forward the infinitesimal amount needed to connect our lips, my hands automatically slinking around her waist.

The kiss was different from any kiss we’d experienced before. For one thing, I was in better control. I wasn’t having an emotional breakdown and I wasn’t high off my ass. The kiss was light and languid; we felt each other, we absorbed each other, we learned each other. There was so much emotion in the movement, that I nearly expected tears to spring to my eyes.

We broke apart after a moment and as my eyes lazily opened, I focused on the shape of her mouth as she pulled away from me. My eyes slowly lifted up to hers, right as hers lifted to mine. I could see the questions in her depths; I could see the desire too. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was right. All I knew, was that her firm body, wrapped in luxuriously soft velvet, was still making my body react. All I knew, was my breath was faster as I gazed at her. And all I knew, was I missed the warmth of her lips on mine. And I needed that. I needed her back on me.

Maybe finding an answer to her unasked question, she leaned back in at the exact same time that I did. Our lips met in the same place as before, but this time with slightly more urgency. My hand trailed up her spine, straight up the back of her neck to tangle in some loose strands of her up-do. Some silky tendrils threaded through my fingers as I moved my hand all the way up to scrunch into the back of her hair, pulling her into me.

I didn’t care that we were being quite public. I didn’t care that everyone in school would know about this after break. For once, I didn’t care about the gossip that surrounded us. She was what I cared about – her mouth, her tongue, her breath, her body…her heart.

I couldn’t stop kissing her. I couldn’t believe she was letting me. I couldn’t believe I was letting me, but I couldn’t stop. Part of my brain was screaming that it was wrong, really wrong, but as her soft lips moved across mine, all I could think was that it felt so…right. My body was saying that I needed this. That this moment was perfect and my brain should just shut up…and for once, my brain listened.

Just as her hands were weaving through my hair and our kiss was deepening dramatically, we were suddenly yanked apart. I stumbled as I was forcibly pulled a foot away from her. She stumbled as well at the sudden movement. Panicked, I looked over to a smirking Mr. Varner, who had one hand on Sawyer’s shoulder and one hand on mine, prying us apart. I blinked at seeing him holding us; I hadn’t been physically pulled away from a girl since the seventh grade.

"There is no foreplay on the dance floor." He leaned into the both of us. "If you want to have sex, you drive your car to the river, just like all the other kids." He chuckled at that and looked me over, concentrating on my eyes. If he’d had a flashlight, he would have flicked it back and forth over my irises, making sure they dilated properly. I glared back at him, showing him that I wasn’t under any influences. He smirked again and lightly shook his head before turning and leaving us to our slow dance.

I looked back at Sawyer, reason returning to me as I did. I shouldn’t have been kissing her. It was still really wrong and misleading and I’d sworn I wasn’t doing that tonight. Why couldn’t I ever keep my silent promises to her? Instead of clutching her tight to me again, I kept our distance. I avoided looking at her eyes as guilt washed through me; guilt for her and guilt for Lillian.

Finally, I looked over my shoulder at the punch bowl on the snack table and muttered, "I need a drink." I sort of looked back at her. "Want one?"

With a soft voice, she answered me. "Sure…I guess."

Studying the spot in the corner of the gym where the punch bowl was, I extended my hand out to her without looking her way. I felt her grab it and interlace our fingers. Embarrassment and guilt prevented me from looking at her just yet. None of that should have happened. I weaved us through the throngs, grateful for the bodies around us that gave me an excuse to not have to engage her yet. I heard a buzzing current of whispers follow us along and I could only imagine the stories I’d just provided this crowd:

"Did you hear? They were practically screwing on the dance floor. I heard Luc was so wasted Sawyer had to hold him upright. Then Mr. Varner came by and Lucas picked a fight with him. God, he was only trying to be a responsible teacher and Luc went off on him – you know they had a threesome, right?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes at all the possible forks the gossip stream could run through. I set my jaw and tightened my grip on Sawyer as I pulled us through the crowd. They’d pick the worst one and run with it – that was just the way it went. The most hurtful comments, the most tortuous situation – whatever was the best scandal, that’s what people would believe. Guilt calmed my temper as I thought through what Sawyer knew of hurtful gossip. She really was a lot like me…and here I was, dragging her back down into the mud, when she was trying to get her life back together again.

I let go of Sawyer’s hand when we reached the six foot table with a huge bowl of some pink liquid. Sawyer stepped beside me, but I kept my face forward, staring at the stupid bowl, the water slightly sloshing inside from the bass of the hip-hop number pounding in the room. Her hand came up and I thought she might swing me around to look at her, but she only reached down to the table, to grab a couple plastic cups from a large stack of them.

No one was manning the station, or anywhere near it, so I ladled some punch into a cup when she handed me one. Without looking at her, I handed the full cup back to her and grabbed the other empty one. I filled it as well and sighed, hating how I was ruining her night. Sure, we’d been inappropriate and I’m sure we’d need to have a conversation about that, but I couldn’t just ignore her for the rest of the night. Hadn’t I promised that I’d make this night memorable for her? That we’d have fun? I knew I wasn’t being much fun at the moment.

We stepped away from the table and I finally turned to face her. She was holding her cup in both hands and staring at the liquid inside, one thumb stroking the ring on her other one. I sighed and she looked up at me.

"Sawyer…" My throat suddenly parched, I took a huge gulp of punch, nearly swallowing half the cup in one gulp. That was when my entire night shifted. That was when everything in my body shifted.

My throat burned as the huge amount of liquid I’d consumed traveled down the length of it. I didn’t know what I’d just had, but I knew a large portion of it was alcohol. Some idiot had actually spiked the punch bowl. A year ago I’d of thought it was funny, but a lot had happened in a year. Now, as I coughed and sputtered on the potent liquid and Sawyer’s brow scrunched together in concern, everything that had happened in that year rushed in on me. More specifically, everything that had happened on that night rushed in on me.

It was the alcohol. The smell. The taste. Whatever was in there was sending my senses into overdrive. It was the same as that night. It was the exact same stuff Darren, Sammy and Lil had been drinking at the bonfire party. I hadn’t actually drunk any myself, but my mouth had been all over Lillian, and what she’d tasted, I’d tasted.

That remembered taste and scent flooded my brain as my vision started to swim with the suddenness of the alcohol hitting my system. I stepped back from Sawyer and she grabbed my half full cup and set it on the table with hers, confusion and compassion clear in her face as she reached out for me. The memories of laughing, prancing around a fire, lying with Lil on the beach, the alcohol on her breath, on her tongue, assaulted me. I couldn’t shut it off.

My stomach rose as I took another step back from Sawyer. I couldn’t control my body. That one dose of alcohol was enough to bring back every horrid and wonderful detail of that night, and I generally tried to keep those memories buried deep within my subconscious. My mind drifted forward in the sudden torrent of reflections – to the onslaught of rain, to the faint yellow stripe in the road, to the squeak of the windshield, to Darren’s laugh, to the beer can being passed back and forth, the smell of it reaching me whenever Lil handed it to Sammy.