Collision Course(65)
Author: S.C. Stephens

"I need to go home…can you take me?"

She stood, putting a hand on my arm and looking out the window. It was still fairly dark outside, but the sun had risen and an amber light was starting to brighten the world. She turned back to me and nodded. "My parents probably won’t be up yet. I’ll just leave a note, telling them that I wanted to return the dress as soon as possible."

I nodded, barely hearing her as my thoughts swirled. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to be home, but honestly, I didn’t know where to go to make this despair that was building inside of me end. Home seemed as good a place as any.

I changed back into my dirty clothes while Sawyer dressed in the bathroom. When she came out, she looked me over and then gave me a swift hug before grabbing my mom’s dress and telling me she’d meet me outside by her car. I felt myself nod in response, but my entire body was sort of slumped down. I felt defeated. I felt like that dream version of me that had gotten his head bashed in by Josh. Only this time, my best friends had done the bashing.

When she disappeared up the stairs, I crawled out the window. I glumly walked over to her car, opened the unlocked door and got inside, not really caring if her parents spotted me out here or not. She came out her front door a few moments later and joined me. I could feel her eyes on me, but I ignored it, studying the muddy stains on my knees instead. One kind of looked like the rock Josh had killed me with last night.

She cleared her throat. "Luc…"

I didn’t respond and she sighed then started her car. I didn’t look up as she turned her car around and started out to my house. I didn’t even look to see if her parents had heard her car start and turned on their bedroom light, wondering what their baby girl was up to. I just couldn’t find it within myself to care anymore.

"We can’t be together…"

Time flashed forward in an almost surreal way, and what seemed like only seconds later, she was shutting her car off in my driveway. I blinked and looked over at her. She looked worried and I wondered if I still looked like death, or maybe like the undead would be a better description. Like my body was being animated by some mindless creature, for certainly my soul was gone. My friends had succeeded in ripping that to pieces. What months of torture at the hands of Josh and the townspeople hadn’t accomplished, my friends had managed in one night – they’d shattered me. Broken my spirit and left me billowing in the wind…alone.

Sawyer said my name again and again, but I still didn’t respond. I didn’t know what to say anyway. Was there anything I could say that wouldn’t hurt her further? Was there anything I could say that wouldn’t hurt me further? I grabbed my mom’s dress from the back seat and turned away from her, opening my door.

She mildly surprised me by opening hers as well. Some tiny speck of my brain wanted her to rush home before her parents discovered she was missing…the majority of my brain didn’t care anymore. She followed me to my doorstep, saying my name a couple more times. Each time the syllables crossed her lips, more tension crept into her voice. I still remained silent.

I remained silent until I walked into the living room, tossing my mom’s dress on the couch unceremoniously. It was my mom that broke my silence. She stormed down the hall once she heard the front door open. Her eyes were wide and red as she met mine. I gazed at her blankly, remembering all the vile things Josh had yelled at me about her. I didn’t know if they were true…but I had a horrid fireball twisting in my stomach that they were. That expanding ball burned away some of my melancholy, as it thawed some of the ache around my heart.

I narrowed my eyes at her as she stormed right up to me. "Mother," I said flatly. She ignored my tone and flicked her eyes up and down me, like she was searching for injuries.

"Are you just getting home? Where have you been?" Her hand flashed back to my bedroom. "I just went to check on you before I had to leave on an errand, and your bed hadn’t been slept in." A tear rolled down her cheek as her voice hitched. "Do you have any idea how terrified I was, Lucas! Where were you?"

I heard Sawyer behind me shift and clear her throat. She started to say my mom’s name, but I cut her off. Ignoring my mom’s question, and the tears on her worn face, I calmly said, "Isn’t it a little early for errands?"

That startled my mom and she pulled her head back, appraising me. "I…I just had something I had to…" Her hand came up with a parental "listen to me" finger wag. "Don’t distract me by changing the subject – where were you?"

I cocked my head to the side, deciding to set the tone for this conversation by being honest. Maybe if I did it, so would she. "I spent the night at Sawyer’s house…in bed with her." I heard Sawyer gasp behind me at how I’d phrased our innocuous sleeping arrangement.

Mom paled and glanced back at Sawyer, clearly not expecting my admission, and being a little surprised by it. She stuttered a bit as she considered what to say on the matter. Curious, I let her flounder for words, not clarifying what we’d actually done…or hadn’t done.

"Well…I don’t… You can’t… You’re too young." Her face turned considerably pinker as she looked back at Sawyer. I didn’t look with her, but I was pretty sure Sawyer was bright red. The anger-despair mix in my belly prevented me from feeling guilty about that. Mom turned back to me. "You’re both too young for that, Lucas. We should…sit…and talk…"

Her voice trailed off as I smirked. "About what, Mom? Sex?" I shrugged after I said that, not feeling the embarrassment those words spouted at my mom would have normally given me. I felt Sawyer put her hand on my arm. She’d apparently caught up to where I was going with this conversation.

"Luc…don’t. Not like this…" I heard her mutter lowly. My mom heard her too and shifted her gaze.

I brought her identical eyes back to mine with my next comment. "What can you teach me about sex, Mom? Especially about not having it?" I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back on a hip. Sawyer begged me to stop this, but I couldn’t. If I shut off the flood of anger I was feeling towards my mom…the grief would wash back in, and drown me.

I sniffed and waited for her answer. Her face paled again as she looked over mine. She licked her lips and smoothed back her ponytail. All signs of guilt. My eyes narrowed further as her actions more and more confirmed my suspicions. "What are you talking about, Luc?"

I leaned into her and she took a step back. "What errand were you running?" She narrowed her eyes and shook her head. I took a step towards her, ignoring Sawyer’s plea for me to step outside with her. "Did you have another early morning meeting to get to?"

Sudden memories of her anxiously waiting for Sawyer to pick me up, or her dashing out of the house nearly an hour before her shift, flooded my brain. The pieces were starting to fit. "You look tired…anymore late night visitors keeping you up?" That memory flooded me too, and I wondered who really was here that night…and if that had been the first time, or just the only time I’d heard it.

She took a step back, shaking her head and stammering. "What are…? Why are you… ? What are you really asking me?" Her voice was barely audible.

I took another step towards her. Sawyer begged me not to say it, but I needed to know. I needed the truth. I said it.

"I’m asking you, if you’re f**king the sheriff. If you’re the whore that everyone thinks you are…"

I really hadn’t been sure if the rumor Josh had ruthlessly spouted was true or not. Lord knows lies spread like wildfire around here, but the pieces had started fitting more and more with each passing second – the morning meetings, laughing with the mysterious late night visitor, the looks that passed between my mom and him at the diner, the familiar use of their first names, odd, too friendly touches, his frequent visits over the summer, the way he always called me Lucas, when everyone else was referred to by last name…the way he said he’d look out for me the night of the crash. If it was true, then it all made sense now. And as I watched my mom’s face pale to a near ghostly white, her mouth dropping open and her eyes starting to water, I knew that it was true. My mom was sleeping with the sheriff. No, sleeping was a misnomer; my mom was screwing the sheriff, no sleeping involved.

Her momentary shock wore off and her face suddenly hardened, her hands clenching into fists like she wanted to hit me. She took a step towards me until she was right in my face. I didn’t back down. "You do NOT talk to me that way, Lucas Michael West!"

Sawyer pulled my shoulder back and I could hear her lightly crying. I ignored it and focused on the woman before me, who had been my shining example of what a human should be. She looked faded to me now. "But it’s true! Isn’t it! You’re sleeping with him and that’s why I’m not in jail!"

She held her breath as she took a step away from me. I could see the debate in her eyes. She’d lied about this for so long, that she still naturally wanted to lie about it. Fire burned even hotter in me that she’d even consider lying to me now. She looked over my heated expression and finally let out a long exhale, stepping back again as her shoulders slumped in defeat. Barely above a whisper, she murmured, "Yes, Lucas…it’s true."

My mouth dropped open and a slice of pain went right through me. Even though I knew…it was hard to hear it. I shook my head, feeling Sawyer’s hand on my shoulder turn comforting. In a softer voice I said, "How could you? How could you lie to me…all this time?"

She dropped her head, and as more amber rays lit the room, I could see a sparkling tear drop to the floor. "Lucas…you wouldn’t understand."

My fists clenched as pain shifted back to anger. "You’re right, I don’t. Did you start something with him, just to keep me out of trouble? Was that the deal?"

Her head shot up and I felt Sawyer rest her head on my arm and ask me to be gentle. I ignored it and focused on the suddenly irate eyes before me. "No! There was no…deal. I didn’t ask him to do anything, Luc." She shook her head and flung her hands out to her sides. "We were together long before…"

My eyes widened at that and she stopped talking. "You were together before…? How long have you…" I couldn’t even comprehend that my mom may have been lying to me for…years.

Her entire body slumped and she sat heavily onto the arm of the couch, her hands momentarily coming up to cover her face before dropping into her lap. "We’ve been seeing each other for five years, Luc…" Her eyes aged another decade as she looked up at me.

My entire body slumped at her words. I thought I might drop to the ground, but Sawyer ducked under my shoulder and somehow I remained upright. Five years? She’s been lying to me since I was twelve? Slowly shaking my head, I could only say, "Mom…he’s married…"

She dropped her head and a sob escaped her. Sawyer patted my chest as I watched my mom’s tears fall. The fire in my stomach twisted into something putrid and painful. I felt like I might be sick. I felt like I wanted to run. Why was everyone I believed in letting me down?

"I know, Luc…that’s why I had to lie." She looked back up at me, hers eyes begging for my understanding. "I hated to do that to you, but you were so young. I couldn’t tell you…"

Sawyer murmured that she should leave us alone and I grasped her hand, hard. I couldn’t take her walking out that door right now. Sensing that, she stayed. Drained and confused, I couldn’t take standing in place any longer either. I shuffled over to the couch, dragging Sawyer with me, and sat down heavily into the spot farthest from my mom. She immediately turned on the arm to plop onto the cushion, twisting to face me. Sawyer knelt at my feet, resting her head on her arm over my legs, giving me what comfort she could. Unconsciously, I put my hand on her back, drawing warmth from her, since I felt like I had none of my own left.