Collision Course(8)
Author: S.C. Stephens

I shook my head at her and smiled warmly at the beautiful girl that had my friend’s heart. Her auburn hair framed the cutest, heart shaped face with brown eyes so light they were almost gold. Those eyes were always so full of love and laughter. She rarely ever had a down day. She was so darn happy, she was almost bubbly, but never in an obnoxious way. Just in a way that made you want to be around her. Her zest for life, made you want to have that zest too. I missed that…

"Good morning, Lucas."

I blinked out of my memory and looked up at the teacher’s desk where Ms. Reynolds was setting down a stack of papers. "Good morning, Ms. Reynolds."

She sat on the edge of her desk and crossed her arms over her chest. On a normal day, I’d notice that her legs were long and lean under that tight skirt she wore, but I hadn’t noticed stuff like that in awhile. She gave me a soft repentant smile. "I’m sorry about yesterday. That was…" She sighed softly. "This is going to be an adjustment period for everyone, Lucas. Things will get better."

I nodded, but said nothing. I suppose things would get better. I mean, how could they possibly get worse? She bit her lip and cocked her head as she looked me over. I wondered what I looked like to her. Did she see the out of control, troubled teen that the students made me out to be, or did she only see a teen that had made a horrible mistake? Either way, I knew she saw me as guilty, and that closed up my throat and I could only watch her, watch me.

Finally she spoke. "Did the counselor help?"

I paused, debating if I should be truthful. That almost made me chuckle. Being truthful in this town, didn’t seem to matter much. Not wanting to go into any details with her, I only nodded again. She sighed and looked like she desperately wanted to get me talking to her, but had no idea how to do that. I didn’t either and remained silent.

An almost awkward silence built up in the room as we watched each other. It was finally ended by the arrival of a few more students. Ms. Reynolds straightened as they entered the class and greeted each of them by name. Her face relaxed into a pleasant smile as more students came in and were greeted. She did seem to really love her job, I just made her uncomfortable. Understandable, I suppose.

The students ignored me as they settled into their seats. Well, most of them ignored me. A couple stared openly and one or two glared, but I ignored it, and eventually they ignored me.

I stared down at my desk as Randy and Will arrived together. I heard their deep laughter and felt their heavy steps, as the linebacker and now-quarterback walked to their seats. I heard my name, followed by more laughter, and felt my cheeks heat. I was sure they were laughing over my repeated falls yesterday. Oh, and fleeing the room. I definitely hadn’t earned any cool points. Oh well, today would be better. Well, today at least, I wouldn’t be fleeing…hopefully.

They sat heavily in their chairs, the metal scraping against the floor as their bulk shifted the desks. I glanced up and watched them bump fists in a show of camaraderie and friendship. Last year, I would have been included in that ritual while they’d jokingly ask when I’d break up with Lillian, so Will could date her. He’d had a huge crush on her from nearly day one. I suppose that only added to the reasons why he didn’t like me.

I stared back down at my desk and reveled in the silence of everyone ignoring me. It was better than questions, better than accusations and much better than being near-bullied. I was still staring at my desk, when I felt a body sit in the chair next to mine. I glanced over at Sawyer sitting beside me. Her long, black hair was straight down her back today and covered the large letters of my name on the letterman’s jacket she was still wearing. I was a little surprised that she was still wearing it. Maybe she didn’t have any other jacket? She did appear to be wearing the same ripped and faded jeans. With all the alienation tied to me at this school, I’d think she’d want to avoid associating herself with me, and my name on her back would certainly do that. Good thing her hair covered it, I guess.

I looked back down to my desk, but looked over again at hearing her soft voice. "Hi, Lucas."

I smiled slightly as I watched her gray eyes flick over my face, judging my mood today, perhaps wondering if I’d be making another run for the border. "Hey, Sawyer."

She glanced up at the jocks a few seats in front of us and then back to me. "How…are you?"

I looked down as I checked my emotional temperature. How was I? How was I ever these days? Barely holding on by a thread… Waiting for the next catastrophe to strike… Haunted by images of my friends and girlfriend…

"I’m fine," I whispered.

From the corner of my eye, I watched her hand start to raise and come towards me. My nerves shot right up to my chest at the thought of her placing a comforting palm on my shoulder. I had enjoyed her caretaking yesterday, and a part of me wanted that again today. Another part of me wanted to get through this on my own and, for the moment, I listened to that part. I twisted in my chair to face her and she hastily brought the hand reaching out for me up to her hair, tucking a piece behind her ear. I mentally cringed at the absence of her touch, but threw on a tiny smile for her benefit.

"How was the rest of your first day yesterday?"

She didn’t look to buy my fake smile, but she didn’t press me on it either. Instead, she sighed and rolled her eyes. "Boring. Standard high school stuff… clicks and cliches." She said the last part quietly.

I frowned as I looked over her face, her eyes suddenly on her desk, her teeth worrying at her lip. Something had happened yesterday to her after I left. It hoped it had nothing to do with the fact that she’d left with me. Maybe she’d been associated with me already and she’d been ostracized for it.

In some ways, this microcosm of a world could be exceedingly cruel to newcomers. It hadn’t been that way for Lil last year, but she’d fallen in with our crowd almost instantly and, even though it sounds horribly conceited to say it, Darren, Sammy and I…well, we were kind of at the focal point of the popular crowd. We were sort of the ruling class at the school, and when Lil had joined our ranks, especially when she and I had started dating, the school had practically worshipped her. But it could also go the exact opposite of that, and from the expression on Sawyer’s face, I was starting to think that that’s how her day had gone.

"Hey, do you-"

I started to ask her about it, when the bell suddenly rang. The students loitering around their friend’s desks found their seats and a few more trickled in from the hallway. There was a restrained shifting in chairs as people prepared themselves for another day of fascinating learning. I watched Sawyer for a few more seconds as she studied her desk. Suddenly her eyes came up to meet mine and I saw something in that visual contact – an almost unshakable feeling that she and I were connected, that she and I were the same. I smiled and nodded at her, no longer feeling the need to ask her about how her day had gone. It wasn’t necessary. I understood that her day had gone badly, just as she understood that mine had gone badly, and I wouldn’t press her, anymore than she’d press me.

I almost wanted to reach out and hold her hand. To be physically connected to her while we were visually connected. I didn’t though. We were too far apart for that to be a hidden maneuver, and the last thing I wanted to bring her, was more gossip. We stared at each other for a few moments longer and then pulled our gazes away as Ms. Reynolds started class.

Aside from a few pointed looks thrown my way, the class went by with no horrid moments. Everyone turned in their papers on their summer and I handed in the paper that I had managed to write in one of calmer moments last night. I’d written it on ‘The Plight of the Single Mother’. It was as far away from my own personal hell as I could get, but close enough to home to mean something to me. It seemed the right thing to do.

After class, I hesitated at my desk until the majority of the room filed out. Feeling better about the day, since I’d made it a full hour here, I had no desire for that to be ruined by Will and his childish form of torment. As I thought back to him stuffing freshmen in lockers and dunking "unpopular" kids in garbage cans last year, I started to wonder why he and I had even been friends at all. Was it an inevitability to become friends with the people in your same social circle, even if those people were sort of…dicks? Something to analyze later, I guess. Maybe in my third period Philosophy class.

But for now, I had to get to History. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and smiled at Sawyer, who was waiting for the class to file out with me, or maybe as well as me. She smiled back. "Congratulations, West, you made it through an entire class."

I laughed and marveled that that was the second time today I’d done that, and both times was because of her. "Yes, thank you…" I frowned. "What is your last name?" I smiled again as a thought struck me. "Is it Finn? Because that would just be awesome."

She scowled and I laughed again at the cute look on her face. "No." She finally laughed as well and rolled her eyes. "It’s Smith."

My laughter died out as new students started arriving in the classroom. "Well, thank you, Smith." I indicated the door. "Shall we?"

She smiled crookedly at my gallantry and then headed down her aisle and out of the room. Once in the hallway, I asked her what her next class was.

"Science…Chemistry." She frowned, not looking very excited by the prospect. I frowned too, wishing she’d said History. Chemistry would put her in the long rectangular building behind this main building. It housed the Science and Astronomy classes. My History class was on the first floor. Just as I was wondering if I should walk her to class anyway, she looked up at me. "What’s your next class?"

I sighed dramatically. "History…blah."

She grinned at my exaggerated expression. "Don’t knock History, it’s very important." Suddenly her face got overly serious for a teenage girl. "You know what they say about it." I cocked my head as I watched her face. I sort of knew what they said about it…something about learning from it, or you’re destined to repeat it. I opened my mouth to ask her what the quote was, but she started looking around and muttered, "I gotta go." She indicated the first floor doors that led to the Science building; I hadn’t realized, walking with her, that we’d made it back to the first floor already.

"Okay, maybe we’ll have another class together today." She grinned, like she already knew the answer to that, and I suppose she already did, since she’d sat through a day of attendance already and would have heard my name spouted repeatedly at my absence, if we did have any more classes. By her look, I was guessing we did. I wonder which one?

I was debating over Sawyer’s odd look as I entered the classroom. Thinking about her expression when she’d made that comment about history, had stopped me from thinking about my own situation. As I was greeted by a roomful of silent stares, I suddenly remembered it. Sweeping the room, I noticed that at least none of my football team was here…perhaps I wouldn’t get tripped today. I shook my head slightly as I made my way to my seat. I really shouldn’t think of it as my team anymore. I hadn’t gone to tryouts over the summer…for obvious reasons, and the team was already well established for the year, a couple months into practices already. I had nearly expected Coach to call me about joining the team anyway, but he hadn’t and it wouldn’t matter if he did. That life wasn’t important to me anymore. I didn’t want it.