Come to Me Quietly (Closer to You #1)(81)
Author: A.L. Jackson

I went rigid. I destroy everything I touch.

In silent encouragement, Aly reached out and smoothed her thumb up the line that dented my brow, like she knew exactly what I was thinking, like she knew me. She didn’t stop talking as she did. “There was this knot building in my gut.” She shivered. “I kept getting this overwhelming feeling that something really bad was going to happen. That night, I couldn’t sleep. Mom had finally made me turn off my light a little after eleven since I had school in the morning, but I had a little flashlight that I used so I could draw at night.”

Aly drew back and inclined her chin to where her sketch pad sat wide open at her side. She traced her fingers along the lines she’d forged on the page.

My heart stuttered with the image looking back at me.

The drawing was beautiful, just like the girl, only because it’d been rendered by her hand. But it was my face on the page, all hard planes and angles, my arms and chest exposed, her own interpretation of my sins swirled and shaded across my skin. And my eyes… she recognized so much in me that I couldn’t see.

“People, Jared… that’s what I keep in my books. Only the ones I love.” She ran her thumb from the bottom page of the pad to the top, lifting them one by one to expose them, image after image of me.

Again I was reeling, because, f**k, it was just overwhelming. This girl who had leveled my walls, the only one who’d understood, the one who saw right though all my bullshit, had always seen me.

She turned back to me, her voice softening with caution. “After your mom died, I couldn’t draw her anymore. It was like there was this block that wouldn’t let me see. It broke my heart because I wanted to remember her. I guess I thought it would somehow keep her alive, but it wouldn’t come… until that night.” Aly drew in a shaky breath. “But it was all wrong, Jared. I could feel it. It was like I was compelled to draw her face, but she was crying out, and I knew she was crying for you. And I kept drawing and drawing and the same thing kept coming out until I’d worked myself into a complete panic. I had to check to make sure you were okay. I snuck out and ran across to your house. You were supposed to be grounded, so I figured I’d just peek in your window to check on you. But I found it open, and your room was empty.”

Aly squinted, as if she were back in that moment. “God… this fear overtook me.” She focused back on me. “Right then, I knew something was wrong. I snuck back in my room, but I couldn’t sit still. I ended up grabbing my sketch pad and thinking I’d go draw in the fort. As soon as I wedged myself through the hole in the fence, I saw Mr. Ramirez’s car. I knew it was you. I just started running. I had no idea what was happening, but I knew I had to get to you. I didn’t even stop to think before I tore the door open. And there were flames.” Aly sucked in her trembling lip. “You weren’t moving. I thought you were dead, Jared, and nothing had ever hurt me as much as that. I was screaming at you to wake up, and I dragged you out. Then that gun dropped out onto the ground with you… and all that stuff that’d been on your lap.” The words were hoarse, like she didn’t want to acknowledge it.

“And I knew… ” She cupped my face. “I knew how broken you were and it broke me, too. I pounded on your chest because I didn’t know what else to do. You started throwing up, and that was when I heard a cop car stop on the street and shine its light into the field. It turned out they were already looking for you. I was a coward, Jared… . I ran because I was scared and I didn’t know how to process what I saw. I hid in the dark in the back of the field, watching them work over you… watched them take you away. I’m so sorry I left you there. I’ll always regret that.”

“You’re sorry? Fuck, Aly… I’m sorry.” And f**king thankful. I had realized that on that deserted road in Vegas. “You saved me. You lived with that while I wasn’t living at all.”

“All these months I wanted to tell you, but I was scared it would drive you away. Once you came back, I saw how much you resented the fact that you lived.” She dropped her gaze and wrung her fingers. “I tried so hard to keep you, but I lost you anyway.”

I edged up closer to her and held her by the jaw, my voice cracking. “I’m here. Baby, I’m here.”

Aly grimaced a smile, holding on to my wrists like she was clinging to life. “It was always you, Jared. Always. I can’t remember a day in my life when I didn’t love you.”

I tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, then slid my palms down to cup her neck.

A faint blush seeped across her cheeks, and she dropped her face and chewed on her lip. “You were my first crush.” She sobered, her voice strained as sincere green eyes slanted up to me. “And my only love.” Her throat bobbed as she swallowed, almost painfully. “I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.”

Her words penetrated my blackened soul. And I f**king got it, this innocent girl who I’d taken.

She’d always been mine.

I inclined my head up to capture her attention, to make sure she understood. “I’m so f**ked-up, Aly, and I’m always going be. I warned you that you can’t fix me, and you can’t. I’m never going to outlive or outrun this shit.”

All that I had left were pieces, and even those were broken. But those pieces belonged to her, and just maybe we could find a way to make a life from them.

“I wasn’t lying when I said you make me better. You make me want to be better. Truth is, I can’t outrun you, either, Aly. I can’t be without you anymore. The last three months I spent without you have been the darkest I’ve ever had.”

Slowly I ran my hands down the delicate skin of her shoulders. Goose bumps lifted in their wake. I trailed them all the way down, squeezing her hands, then brought my palms to rest flat on her stomach. My throat tightened and I forced down my fear.

“But I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been going through without me here.”

Aly closed her eyes, tears slipping free. “I needed you.”

“It makes me sick that I left you.” Emotion pulsed in my chest, in the deepest places of my spirit, a tumble of confusion and apprehension of what I’d never thought should be vying to be freed. “I’m terrified of this, Aly. I don’t know how to do this.”

Hopeful, subdued laughter fell softly from her mouth. Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip as she dropped her gaze to my hands, and she traced her fingers over the numbers marring my knuckles. “Do you think I’m not? I have no idea how to do this, either. But I know I want to do it with you.”