Complicated Girl (Baker Street Romance #2)(22)
Author: Mimi Strong

Tina and I like to dramatically read quotes from The Rules at parties, or have people take the quizzes from a Cosmopolitan magazine. Tina acts like it’s a big joke, but I’ve heard her quote Cosmopolitan articles with zero irony.

Everybody scrapes their chairs on the gray floor to make room for me, and I squeeze in next to Abbie. She gives me a sweet smile, and I’m so glad Muffin made me come here tonight, that I surprise Abbie with a big hug.

For the next hour, I keep my problems to myself and listen to the others share their problems. I offer a few comments, keeping it honest and respectful. I start getting that high feeling I get from group.

Tuesday nights are the best part of my week. Hearing that bad things happen to other people doesn’t exactly make me feel better, but it puts my bad feelings in perspective.

So what if I dry humped a hot dentist? The way the older ladies in the group keep smiling at Drew, I think they’d sell a kidney to get to experience what I did.

(Note to self: That would be an interesting way to run a drive for people to fill out their organ donor registrations. Give a Kidney, Dry Hump a Dentist. It’s like the modern version of a Kissing Booth, which is something I’ve never, ever, ever seen in real life, yet is a staple of sitcom plots and romantic comedy movies, as common as people meeting their friends for a casual hangout, IN THE FRIGGING MORNING before they go to work. Like regular people get up at five a.m. to pop by each other’s houses for a few jokes before even beginning their commute.)

Feather calls my name. “Meenie, is there something you’re ready to share tonight?”

“Have you guys ever seen a Kissing Booth in real life? Do you think charities actually do them? I wouldn’t think so, considering sexual harassment lawsuits, not to mention mouth herpes.”

The group laughs uncomfortably, which is not an uncommon reaction from them when I talk.

Feather says, “Anything else?”

I look over at Drew for a microsecond, then pull my eyes away. It’s too late. I’m sunk. He’s wearing a chunky, cable-knit sweater, and he’s never looked so huggable. He’s like a human teddy bear.

I look back to Feather’s blue eyes, and I’m transported to the ocean. All is safe here. Feather sees my soul. She gives me a reassuring smile, as if to say, Meenie, you’ve only dry humped one person here at the group, which is only about a five on the skank-o-meter, but who amongst us is perfect? Let she who has not dry humped anyone, or grabbed their hot dog at an inappropriate moment, throw the first stone. You came here to share, and you’re paying for it, so share.

“I was depressed today, so I didn’t bake anything,” I tell the group. “Sorry.”

Abbie puts her arm around me. “Honey, we love you anyway.”

“Of course you’d say that. You’re nice. What I want to know is… why can’t I be nice? Why can’t I say sweet, supportive things? I’m always wrecking everything by being mean. I could try changing my name, but I don’t think it will help.”

I look up at the people across from me. They’re all avoiding eye contact, because it’s true.

One of the men speaks up. “You have a gift for honesty, and I might not have kept coming to group if it wasn’t for you.” He looks around at the group apologetically. “No offense. I like everyone, and you’re all great in your own way, but Meenie’s the only one who calls me on my bullshit.”

Abbie gives me another squeeze around my shoulders. “Not everyone was meant to be sweet, my dear. Some of us are more… savory.”

Drew lets out a loud “Hah!”

The group turns to face him. Feather says, “Is there something you’d like to share with us?”

He gazes deeply into my eyes, making me feel like I’m tumbling off my chair, even though I’m sober and perfectly still.

“Just that she’s perfect,” he says. “She’s not mean. There’s nothing wrong with her, and she doesn’t need to change.”

Feather leans forward with very interested, very suspicious body language. “Interesting,” she says.

I exchange looks with Drew: We are both getting in BIG trouble from Feather after this session. She knows all about you giving me a dental exam with your tongue, Mr. Teddy Sweater.

Drew smiles back at me, all innocent sex appeal, like a hot teacher who doesn’t know he’s hot. “Last week, Meenie was saying that guys couldn’t take a little teasing from her. I’ve been thinking about it, and she’s right. There’s nothing wrong with her.”

“Thank you,” I say.

He winks at me. “Guys razz each other all the time. I’ve got some friends I used to play rugby with, and if we’re not talking about the smallness of each other’s private parts, we’re talking about nailing each other’s mothers.” He grimaces and looks around at the seniors present. “Sorry to be so coarse, but it’s relevant.”

They motion for him to go on. I might not be impartial, but Drew’s speech so far is definitely one of the top ten moments of group since I’ve been coming.

He fixes his eyes on mine, sucking my soul out of my body and over to his for a soft, fuzzy, sweater hug with his soul. “Meenie just needs to find a real man, who knows who he is. Someone who can take her over his knee and show her a firm hand when she’s—”

Feather interrupts, “DREW!”

He keeps looking into my eyes. Yeah, I said it, his look says. You’re just a naughty girl who needs a good spanking, and I’m the guy to give it.

My ni**les are so amped right now. They are trying to tunnel out of my bra and shirt, along with the rest of my body. I’m on the edge of my seat.

One of the new faces, a woman a little older than me, raises her hand. “My husband and I enjoy a little light spanking.” She pushes her glasses up her nose. “I read that Fifty Shades book, and I turned into a wild sex animal. You all should try it.”

Abbie nods in agreement. “Spanking is the new oral.”

Another lady chimes in, saying she thought anal was the new oral, and from that point, the group basically becomes a free-for-all of sex tips and book recommendations.

I look over at Feather, and see that she’s smiling. That’s weird. Everybody’s talking at once, yet she doesn’t mind a bit. She even reaches up to wipe away a glistening tear of happiness from one eye. Wow. Those pregnancy hormones must be a real roller coaster.

I’ve been avoiding looking at Drew since his offer to spank me, but I can’t avoid his eyes forever.