Dare to Submit (Dare to Love #4)(29)
Author: Carly Phillips

She licked her lips. “I can explain.”

“This I’d like to hear,” he said in a cool tone. He swept a hand through the air, gesturing for her to come inside.

She swallowed and walked in ahead of him, her grip on her handbag so tight her knuckles hurt. “Decklan, it’s not what it looked like. Or even what it sounded like.”

He turned, his arms folded across his chest, completely withdrawn from her. “So the senator didn’t announce his candidacy for president of the United States on live television and thank his family, including his soon-to-be daughter-in-law, Amanda? And that wasn’t you standing behind him in the exact same outfit?”

She laid her bag down on the sofa. “He said that. He even believes that, but it isn’t true. You know it can’t be true. I’m not involved with anyone but you.”

She reached out to touch him, but he stepped away. “I didn’t notice you or his son correcting him.”

A chill rushed through her at the distance, both emotional and physical, that he put between them. It was as if the situation didn’t involve him personally at all. He didn’t even look at her with warmth.

Her insides trembled, and she was glad she hadn’t eaten anything earlier. “I couldn’t say anything. I—” She gathered her thoughts, caught her breath. “If it means anything, I planned on telling you everything tonight. I told Brad I didn’t want anything between us.”

“Yeah, because it bothered you so much all along?”

God, she really didn’t like this cold side of him, especially when directed at her. “It wasn’t my story to reveal. Decklan, Brad’s g*y. He’s in the closet because of his father’s right wing leanings. And since I never wanted a relationship with anyone, I became his fake girlfriend. He’s got a man he loves and who he can’t be with. Not in public.”

Decklan shook his head. “Don’t ask me to feel sorry for him. He knew we were together, and he didn’t come clean or release his hold on you and let you do it either. I call that selfish.”

She shook her head in automatic denial. “He’s not. He’s been good to me. He was there for me.” She groaned. “Look, I met him as soon as I got to college. It was right after I was hurt by the guy who took my virginity and then blamed me because he was too quick on the draw. I went away to school at my lowest, and if not for Brad’s friendship, I might have spiraled back into a nasty cycle of depression and bingeing and purging. So don’t feel sorry for him, but understand, please? I felt like I owed him my loyalty.”

He stood up straighter, arms folded, anger clear. “And what did you owe the man you were sleeping with?”

Bulls-eye, she thought, his words stabbing her in the heart. “We were supposed to be just for fun,” she whispered.

Those gorgeous eyes flashed with angry sparks. “Well, it got serious pretty damned quickly,” he reminded her, shredding her with his words. “And even if it wasn’t, you belong to the club. You know the rules in a D/s relationship. Honesty is important. Hell, it’s important in any kind of relationship.”

“Well, I don’t know how to have one! And you knew that.”

Her words stopped Decklan in his self-righteous tracks. His eyes narrowed as they looked at her, still glacial, but he’d flinched, letting her know she’d hit a target herself.

“Good point,” he finally said.

“What?”

He stalked toward her. Not stepped. Stalked. “I said, good point. You don’t know the first thing about having a real relationship.” He stood so close his body heat radiated into her, arousing her as much as the argument had.

Yep, fighting with him turned her on. She’d have to examine that another time.

“But you do understand another kind of relationship, the only kind you let yourself have for years, and you violated those rules.”

She blinked at the strong, commanding tone in his voice. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.” But if they’d been in the club and she’d been caught lying… “Yes, I understand.”

His eyes darkened to a stormy hue. “So you’ve earned a punishment.”

Normally those words would excite her but not now. Not when he was clearly still unhappy with her. He’d never been disappointed in her before, and she didn’t like the feeling. It reminded her too much of the disappointment she’d been to her mother, and she wanted to withdraw into herself. But she refused to give in to the impulse. She had to stand her ground, accept responsibility, and deal with the fallout of her actions.

But she didn’t like not knowing where she stood with him. The gulf between them was huge, and she didn’t know how to breach it. “Decklan, I’m sorry.”

“Good to know. So let’s get this over with.” He folded his arms across his chest. “Clothes off.”

Her heart pounded so hard she thought it would explode. She wanted him but not this way. She didn’t want a club relationship with him; she wanted something real. Like what they’d been sharing before he found out about her so-called engagement. She wanted any punishment to be play and not because she’d let him down. But she had to earn her way back into his good graces.

Looking at his tightly drawn expression, she realized he was hurt. He needed this outlet. And she was willing to give it to him. But more than that, she wanted to learn from this. To be in this thing and fully committed. The problem with that was, she really didn’t know what he wanted from her beyond making his point now.

She shrugged off her jacket, folded it and placed it on the couch, then kicked off her heels and set them out of the way.

He watched in stony silence. It was killing her. Her hands shook, but she continued to do as he’d demanded. She wriggled out of her skirt. Folded and set it on top of the jacket. Her camisole came next, and then she was standing in front of him in nothing but the tiny scrap of pale yellow lace she’d picked out because it and the bra matched her outfit.

If she wanted to prove to him that she was sorry, that she wanted more than this, she had to get past the walls he’d erected. Because she wasn’t the only one who’d risked a part of herself by getting in deeper than a one-night stand. He didn’t do relationships either, but he’d committed himself to more. With her. And she’d let him down.

She clasped her hands in front of her and waited for more instruction as he stared at her dispassionately, the only indication he felt something the subtle clenching of his jaw.