Dark Secrets (Dark Secrets #1)(147)
Author: A.M. Hudson

He took a quick stride toward me and wrapped me in his arms. “Baby.”

I sobbed a snotty mess of heartache into his shirt, making it wet, and he just held me around my shoulders, almost delicately, as if he didn’t have the right to touch me.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I know it’s a—”

“No.” I shook my head. “Just stop talking. Don’t make this any worse.”

“It’s okay, baby. It’s really okay.” He half laughed.

“No, it’s not. Nothing is—and it’s never going to be okay again.”

“Why do you say that?” he asked in a gentle tone.

“Mum’s dead, Mike, okay? And you can’t make it better by telling me you love me. It doesn’t work like that.”

He laughed. “Even if it could change the past, that isn’t something I’d lie about, baby. Come on, you know me better than that.”

“No.” I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand. “You’re lying.” You have to be lying.

“Ara?” Mike started again.

No! I took short, quick breaths. The breakdown that had been looming all this time flitted to the surface. I held my hands over my ears, shaking my head.

“Will you just listen?” he said.

“No—please, Mike, please don’t do this.” I felt Fate taking a step closer to me every time he opened his mouth, swathing me in the cloth of mortality, binding me to this dice I rolled.

“Amara, calm down.” He pulled my hands away from my ears. “Please listen. You never—that night—you never let me explain it to you. We were trying to make the transition from childhood friends to something so much more—something I was afraid you weren’t ready for. God!” His arms tightened around my body, almost completely consuming my shape in a snug cloud of safety. “I have never been able to forgive myself for that.”

“Forgive yourself? Mike! It was me—”

He pressed his thumb over my lip to shush me. “No, it was my fault. I wanted you. I wanted you so damn bad, but I couldn’t do those things with you while you were drunk. It would’ve been irresponsible of me.” He rolled my face upward until our eyes met, keeping his thumb to my lips. “I wanted you to love me, but not like that—not intoxicated, not when we hadn’t talked about it. When I told you no, you got so upset, I just didn’t know what to do—I let the ball drop.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” It came out as a whisper, perhaps less. “Why not then?”

“I chased after you, Ara. I searched the streets for an hour. I called your house, no one answered. Then—”

We both knew the ending to that story.

He wiped the tears from my face and kissed my brow.

I could feel my hands shaking again as sensation came back into my limbs. “Why didn’t you tell me before I left Perth then?”

“I tried. You wouldn’t see me, remember?”

“Then why not on the phone—after I left?”

“Why? So you could feel worse, or so I could feel worse? I couldn’t come to you, Ara. It’s been killing me, I—” He dropped his head into his palm and closed his eyes. “I can’t sleep anymore. I play it over in my mind all the time—the things we should’ve done that night.”

“Things you said no to.”

He clutched the base of my jaw gently in his hand. “I know. But I just didn’t want you to have regrets in the morning. I knew I wouldn’t.”

I wanted to look away from his penetrating stare, the way his eyes seemed to read mine. But he held my chin and forced me to keep looking at him.

“I’d been watching you for months,” he continued, “just waiting for you to realise how I felt about you, and then, that night, you took me by surprise. I didn’t know how to tell you what I really felt, and I was so afraid if I did, and you were just confused because you’d been drinking, that it’d ruin our friendship forever. It was just one stupid misunderstanding and I lost you—for good.” Mike smoothed my tear-soaked hair from my temples and along my chin. “Ara, I don’t know why you’re so upset, baby. It’s not the end of the world.”

“But it is!” I pushed his arms off me. “It is for me. You don’t get it. You don’t know what this means.”

“I do, baby. I get it. Your mum and Harry died becau—”

“No! It’s not that. You’re not even close. God, you don’t know anything about my life.” I turned away, seeing him take a step toward me as I fled the room, but he stayed where I left him.

The weakness in my mind forced itself outside my head, travelling down my legs, making it hard to climb the stairs. I just had to make it to my room before I fell.

I burst through my door, half folded over, and slammed it shut with my foot before collapsing into a pair of strong, cool arms. “My love. It’s okay. Just calm down.”

Salty pools distorted the face of my vampire, spilling past my lashes as I blinked away my disbelief. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at work.”

“I felt…” He touched his chest. “I felt something shift.”

“Shift?” I wiped my face.

“I think it was you.” He wrapped me up safely in his arms. “What is it, my love? What happened?”

“He loves me, David,” I blubbered. “What do I do now? He loves me.”

“I know,” his voice was liquid with worry. “It’s okay. Everything will be okay.”

I shook my head, sniffling. “Fate. Fate de-de—” I couldn’t get it out. “Decided.”

“What are you talking about, Ara?”

I tried to speak, but even my thoughts wouldn’t form the truth for him to see—the truth that I let my future fall in the hands of Chance and now I had my answer. Now, I knew what I had to do.

He looked at me for a long moment, obviously trying to find a thought among the mess of confusion in my mind. “Just cry, sweetheart—for as long as the tears will fall.” He kissed the crown of my head, then swept me up in his arms and carried me to the bed. “I’ll be here. I’ll hold you until you fall asleep.”

I settled against his chest, and even though he had no heartbeat to show his emotions, I could feel the pain my every thought inflicted on him; feel his body stiffen every time I saw Mike’s face in my mind; feel the thorn through his soul with every beat of my heart that wasn’t for him. But he stayed with me, loved me a while longer as my heart tore itself apart and shattered in two; one piece for David and one for Mike—who really owned that part of me all along. And as the sky turned dark, in his arms I drifted toward a deep, exhausted sleep.