Dark Secrets (Dark Secrets #1)(95)
Author: A.M. Hudson

“And, if I came with you, even though you have to return to duty, we’d still get to be together?”

“Yes. Like normal people.”

“Normal?” I laughed.

“We could wake up beside each other every day.”

And those few words almost sold me instantly. I drew a deep breath, biting my tongue before I could tell him to take me away and turn me. “And what about school? And what about my dreams of being a famous pianist?”

“School, you can still attend. But…as for fame…”

My stomach sunk. “Could I be famous without a face? You know, just sell my music?”

“No.”

“Oh.” I looked into my lap.

David moved closer and pulled both my hands toward his chest. “Tell me something, my love.”

“Anything,” I whispered, feeling my heart cry with the gravity of the shadows in his tone.

“If I were to leave today and promise never to come back, and you knew you would die an old, grey woman—that you would meet your mom and Harry at the pearly gates—” He breathed out heavily through his nose, then looked into my eyes, “—but you would’ve missed an eternity with me—is that something you could live with?” His hand tightened on mine. “Could you watch me leave, knowing you’ll never see me again?”

The thought filled my mind like a roll of film from a sad movie or a Kleenex commercial: David, walking away—saying goodbye to him for the last time, for forever. He’d drive down the long, winding road, and when he disappeared over the distant horizon, I’d turn around and walk away. My life would go on in the exact direction I planned for. I’d marry, have babies and grandbabies, and a happy, full life—but a life without David. And it hurt. It burned in a way I never wanted to feel. But while love could possibly shadow morals, it didn’t quell my desire to live, to die—to see Mum and Harry again on whatever the other side was.

“Ara?” He slid his fingers along my chin and turned my face toward his. “You’ve got to stop making your life about Harry and Eleanor’s death.”

My heart jumped with the mention of my mother’s name. It had been a long time since anyone said that name. A tear fell onto my cheek where the cool air around the lake took the warmth from it, leaving a cold line down my face.

David wiped it with his thumb. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to live in my world, but if you decide to stay human, you do have to live. I care so much for you. And this sadness you keep inside will stop you from finding happiness,” he said softly. “Your every thought, every path you take, is influenced by their death. It has to stop.”

“But you make it all okay. I can’t live without you, David, I’ve already decided that.” His face doubled under my tear-shrouded vision. “Just, living with your lifestyle, that’s a different matter. How do I do that?”

“I’m not asking you to kill anyone, today. But if, at the end of the summer, you haven’t come to accept murder, then you have to accept that we can only ever love each other from afar. Do you understand this?”

With those words, my tears spilled past my lashes, and the reality of losing him suddenly became so much more potent.

He softened, touching the back of his finger to my trembling lip. “I’m sorry, my love. I never meant for you to hurt like this.”

“I’m okay.” I sniffed, wiping my tears away. “I just don’t really wanna think about you leaving for now.”

“Okay.” He opened his arm and I slid over, nestling close to his chest.

“Maybe I’ll change my mind about becoming a vampire once I’ve had some time to think about it all.”

He released a very long, very slow and shaky breath; I looked up, leaving the closeness of his body when I saw a tear in his eye.

“David, what’s wrong?”

His knee came up as a prop for his elbow, his fingers tightly tangling in his hairline, while the sunlight emphasised shadows around his temples, making them seem deep—showing contours of his face I’d never noticed before. “I was so afraid I’d lost you.”

“I know.”

No. You can’t possibly know what I’ve been through these past few days, Ara. There is no way to describe the agony I’ve suffered, worrying that, even driving down here today, that you were going to tell me goodbye.” He cast his eyes to the blue sky, then closed them for a second. “It’s almost like…I am afraid I’ll wake up in a moment and none of this will be real, you—” he touched my face, “—won’t be real.”

“I’m real.” I touched his hand.

“If I had lost you—” He pulled away, resting his elbow back over his knee, “—If you had told me that you could never love me for what I am, I would’ve died inside—enough that I would’ve spent eternity searching for a way to end my life.”

“How dare you—even think like that?” I got to my knees in front of him. “Suicide? That’s a coward’s choice, David. I don’t ever want to hear you say that again.”

“Oh, look who’s talking.” He looked up at me, kind of laughing. “Do you really think I don’t hear your thoughts, girl?”

My mouth fell open. He’d obviously been listening to me a lot more than I thought. “Those thoughts are private.”

“Not anymore.”

“How dare you.”

“How dare you.” He rose to his knees as well, becoming taller than me again. “You are my soulmate, Ara—your life belongs to me, and I will not let you have thoughts like that. Not ever. Clear?”

“No. Not clear. Those thoughts were…” I looked around for the right words. “Were images conjured up in a moment of extreme heartache and loneliness, David—fleeting thoughts—never intentions.”

“So you would never have acted on them?” he asked, looking down at me.

“God, no. Never. But you would. That’s the worst part about this. You lecture me, but you—” I stabbed my fingertip into his chest. “You’d take the first express to purgatory if it meant easing your own heartache.”

“If it were possible for me to die—” he held back a smile, “—yes.”

“No!” I shook my head. “You don’t get to say that. No matter what happens, no matter what life throws at you, you always have to keep going. I did.” I pressed my palm to my chest. “It hurt me to keep going when Mum died, but what would you be doing if I just gave up when I wanted to, when the pain got too much?”