Deadly Fear (Deadly #1)(63)
Author: Cynthia Eden

And she’d become cold. Untrusting. She’d locked herself away from the world because she was afraid someone would look past her perfect surface and see the monster inside.

But she didn’t understand—there wasn’t a monster inside.

He kissed her again. Deep this time. Harder, letting her feel his hunger and need because, yeah, he still craved her.

He wanted her just as badly as before, needed her just as much. Because Monica had a core of steel that had been forged from hellfire.

Monster? Not damn likely.

“Who knows?” he asked against her mouth.

“Hyde. You. A handful of higher-ups at the Bureau.”

But no one close to her. No friends. No lovers. A heavy burden for her to carry. “This why you cut tail and left me before?”

“It’s why I was going to leave you again.”

Damn.

“I’m not an easy person to be with, Luke. I—”

“Keep your gun under your pillow because you’re afraid of an attack. Keep the bathroom light on because you don’t want the darkness. Keep control with men because you don’t want to be weak with anyone ever again.” All the signs of a victim had been there. He’d seen them, but had never guessed just how terrible the crimes against her had been.

A little hum from her, then, “Yeah, that about covers it.”

A question nagged at his mind. “What was the first thing you did when you got clear of Hyde and those shrinks?”

“I got laid.”

He couldn’t have been more surprised if she’d slammed her fist into his jaw.

“Romeo wanted his good girl to kill, but he didn’t want her to f**k. So I f**ked. I found a man who wanted me, and I had sex because I wasn’t his.” Her fingers were still on Luke’s chest, curling over his heart. And he didn’t want to hear about her lovers, didn’t want to hear her say—

“I did that for a while, until I realized I was still cold inside. The sex didn’t matter. The men didn’t.”

Had he been one of those men? A shadow in the night?

“Then I met you.”

She had to feel the sudden hard racing of his heart.

“And you tempted me to want more. I went with you when I’d always kept my work and sex separate. I went with you because I wanted you, and I wasn’t going to let anything stop me from having you.”

The same way he felt.

“Even though you scared the hell out of me.”

Been there.

“Still do.” Her voice was husky.

Done that.

Luke cleared his throat. “Some things you should know.”

He felt her stiffen. His back teeth clenched. Did the woman really think he was about to turn away? Did he look like a fool?

“You don’t have to—” Oh, yeah, that was her already withdrawing.

“I hate what he did to you—and I’d love to tear the bastard apart.” Let’s see you scream, ass**le. “But knowing about your past doesn’t change the way I feel about you, baby.”

“And… how do you feel?” Did he imagine it or did her breath seem to catch?

Confession time. If she could bare her soul and reveal her past, then, it was way past time for him to show some trust, too. “You’re it for me, Monica. I’ve known it from the first time I kissed you.” His f**king world.

“Luke…”

He had to get this out. “I know you don’t love me,” he said gruffly. Bluntly. Better for him to say it than her. Hell, after what she’d been through, she might never be able to trust or love anyone completely—and that pissed him off. She should have had more. They should have. Damn Romeo to hell. “But give me a chance. That’s all I’m asking. When this case is over, even if I have to leave SSD for us to be together, just give me a chance.” He brushed back her hair. Smoothed his hand down her cheek. His c**k was up, she was near—what was new? But he choked back the lust. This was the time for something else. “Give me a chance to show you what we can have.”

She pushed up, and he knew she was trying to see his eyes in the darkness. “And what can we have? Luke, you don’t know what I’m—”

“I know you. I want you. Always have, always will.” Felt good to say it. Maybe he should have said it years ago. Wonder what difference it would have made? “Knowing about your past doesn’t change a damn thing about the way I feel.”

A part of him wanted to hold her close, keep her safe, but Monica wasn’t the type to stand back and let others protect her. Not her.

They’d both kept secrets, but no more.

This time, he’d get things right with her.

“What if I hurt you?” she whispered.

She already had. He’d survived. “You said I tempted you then… do I tempt you now?” She tempted him. Eve couldn’t have tempted him more.

“Yes….”

“Don’t worry about the pain.” He kissed the soft column of her neck. “Let me tempt you, and we’ll worry about the darkness later.” Because with her, he knew there would always be darkness. It was in her soul, and she was in his.

And he’d fight like hell to keep her by his side, even if he had to fight the nightmares from her past.

And the killer waiting at the door.

CHAPTER Fifteen

A pounding at the door woke Monica hours later. She shoved her hand under the pillow automatically as her heart raced in her chest.

“Not there, baby,” Luke’s gruff voice, coming from the dark beside her. Because there was no bathroom light on—

Her memory came flooding back.

No shame. No horror.

Just relief. He knows… and he still wants me.

A fist thudded against the door. “Monica! Open up! Or tell Dante to drag his sorry ass out of your bed and open the door!” Kenton’s thundering voice.

But he should have been at the hospital. They couldn’t leave Sam alone!

She flew out of the bed. Raced to the door. Her eye pressed against the peephole. Had to be sure, someone could be forcing him—

No, just Kenton, looking pissed as he stood there with narrowed eyes and faint lines bracketing his mouth.

She yanked open the door.

His gaze raked her, and his eyes widened. “Wow, didn’t expect to see you—”

“What? In a shirt?” Her hand caught the front of his shirt, and she pulled him inside. “Why aren’t you at the hospital? What’s—”

“I’d advise you to keep those eyes up, partner,” Luke ordered as he walked toward them.