Demon’s Dream (High Demon #6)(36)
Author: Connie Suttle

"Did you mean to kill everything you touched, Zellar?" I asked the wind. Edward, I sent to him, I am safe for the moment. I will come back soon.

"I am being punished," Zellar’s ghost stood before me. I blinked in surprise and took a step backward. I recognized him, however; his face was disfigured as it should have been, before he’d traded bodies in the many transferences he’d performed.

"How?" I asked.

"I will have no rest until all the worlds I killed or damaged are whole again. That will take a very long while, they tell me."

"They?"

"The ones who see to such things. I am not allowed to name them. They take me from one empty world to the next, so I can wander there, alone and lost. They call you the Lifegiver," he went on. "I beg you to bring life back to these worlds so I can move on to the next level of my recompense. Had I known what my actions would ultimately cost, I would have settled for a quiet life of charitable deeds."

"Hindsight," I muttered. Did Tory have that, too? It no longer mattered. I wasn’t good enough to be his wife. He would have to look for another, now.

"Yes. Certainly that," Zellar agreed. "I should kneel at your feet and thank you for cutting my punishment in half on this level. You saved so many of the worlds I destroyed."

"I killed you," I pointed out.

"And if you hadn’t, imagine what this would be if I’d continued on my destructive path. The ones who watch me now say I would have killed nearly everything in the end. One tile falling into another, until all had fallen. I was foolish. I know better now, since I am in a place where those things are visible to me. I see how one thing affects another, like ripples in water." Zellar came to sit beside me on the sand. "You glow, like some who watch me," he added. "Do you know what it’s like to see others and crave their touch, and not be able to feel it? Their hands slide right through me. This is the most horrible of things, Lady Demon, and I understand I have a very long time to suffer through this."

"Did you take pity upon any that you killed?" I watched his face, scars and all.

"I didn’t. Thought them beneath me. Now, I am the smallest of the small. You are the only one I’ve found who could hear me in my present state."

"I’m not sure how or why that is," I told him. "Shall I weep for you now, as I wept for those you killed? Somehow, it is in me to be troubled by any that suffer. That does not alter my opinion that your actions were reprehensible and caused terrible pain and suffering."

"I know. They tell me that kind hearts feel this. I never had a kind heart."

"It sounds as if you have lessons with these beings."

"I do. At times, their lessons are very difficult to learn."

"How long will you be here, on Thiskil?" I asked, unsure whether I wanted to be greeted by a ghost if I visited again.

"Is that where I am? Thiskil? How many died here?"

"Millions," I said, feeling sadness over that fact. "The Reth Alliance managed to move some away, but many died anyway. At the last, only those with a great deal of money were able to escape."

"All my fault," Zellar looked as if he were weeping, silvery traces of tears flowing down ghostly cheeks.

"At least you accept responsibility," I said.

"That was my first lesson," he wept.

"I understand responsibility all too well now," I said, rising. "I must go. Are you a danger to anyone in your present state?"

"No. I have no power, including showing myself to anyone. Except you, it seems. I thank you for speaking with me."

"Good-bye," I said. I wasn’t going to give him any sort of absolution. I figured that someone else would have to do that. Zellar sobbed when I skipped away.

* * *

"Reah, where have you been?" Kevis was waiting for me, as were Teeg and Edward. The others were gone. Farzi and Nenzi were likely in the groves, checking on the harvest. It didn’t matter where Tory was. I knew how he felt about me now.

"I won’t tell you where I went; it’s a sort of sanctuary for me when I need some time," I replied.

"What were you doing? At least answer that," Teeg grumbled angrily.

"Talking to Zellar’s ghost," I replied. Let him make of that what he would. "If you’ll give me a moment, I’ll get your shirt back to you," I told Edward. He was still wandering around bare-chested while I wore his shirt.

"Reah, you can do whatever you want with that shirt," Edward said. "I’m just glad you came back."

"That’s a nice answer," I said. "You see how Teeg is just angry. He never says he’s glad to see me." I removed Edward’s shirt and handed it to him, standing naked inside the family room. "I’m going to get a shower. I feel tired and a little hungry." I walked past all three of them, down the long hallway and into my bedroom.

* * *

"How is it that every move I make is wrong?" Gavril paced in an agitated manner.

"It was the way things happened between you, don’t you think?" Kevis asked. "When was the last time you told her that you loved her? That you were glad to see her, or acted interested in what she was doing?"

"I don’t remember."

"Try."

"I can’t."

"You can’t try, or you can’t remember?"

"I can’t remember, all right? I thought you were treating her, not me."

"The more I see of things, the more I think she’s not the only one who needs help," Kevis pointed out. "How much do you hate Kifirin for doing what he did to you? How much do you blame Reah for being the cause of what Kifirin did to you? I realize you asked for what you got, but she was the reason you asked, was she not?"

Gavril stared at Kevis. "Is that what this is?" He blinked in confusion. Edward, who’d listened to the exchange, remained silent.

"I think it’s possible that you blame her on some level. Admit it—nearly everything she does makes you angry."

"It does." Gavril raked fingers through dark hair. "What am I supposed to do? It isn’t something I can turn on and off, I think."

"Either learn how to deal with it and let it go, or let Reah go. It’s as simple as that. You can’t keep torturing her for something you requested."

"You think I’m torturing her?"

"What do you think?"

"I think I’m afraid I’ll lose her."

"What are you doing to keep her, then? Besides getting angry?"

"Not a damn thing, I guess," Gavril admitted reluctantly. "I tend to upset her most of the time."