Embracing the Wolf

There is no realistic way to explain what it is like to transform into an animal. She holds influence over me, a constant dominant voice in the back of my head. I trust her instincts as much as she trusts mine. When she’s at the forefront, I’m tucked firmly in the back of her mind, aware of everything that’s going on.

We watched Sawyer transform. His wolf’s fur was the color of silver with sprinklings of black and white. My wolf’s eyes flicked to the rustle of branches, as a breeze blew through the valley. There was a crispness in the air that hadn’t been there before, a sure sign of an early winter in the mountains.

Sawyer’s wolf rushed me. My wolf stepped back just in time to miss his sharp teeth. We circled around one another. The playful glint in Sawyer’s golden eyes was full of mischief. I lunged forward and tackled him, sinking my teeth into the scruff of his neck. My teeth had a firm hold, but I made sure to gauge the pressure so as to not puncture the skin. Sawyer thrashed, and my grip broke. I stumbled to the side, trying to find my feet when he attacked. He leaped onto my back, sending both of us crashing to the ground. I used the momentum to roll so that I was the one on top, and I struck.

“Do you yield?” I sent the message to Sawyer’s mind, my jaws wrapped around his jugular. His wolf lay limp beneath me, giving in to his alpha female.

“Yes,” Sawyer replied.

I released my grip and took a step away when he bounced up and pounced. He gripped my tail between his teeth, and my wolf whelped in surprise.

“You yielded,” I said accusingly.

“Rule number one: never let your guard down.”

“Duly noted.”

I positioned my weight on my front paws and kicked out with my back legs. Sawyer’s grip didn’t lessen. I bent my body and tried to sink my sharp teeth into any part of him, but the angle was all wrong and I was left snapping at open air.

I was struggling so much that when he let me go, I stumbled forward and nose-dived into the ground. My wolf was not a happy camper. She let out a low growl and whirled around ready to tear Sawyer apart for the humiliation.

Loud masculine bellows of laughter halted her attack. Sawyer had changed back and was lying on the barren ground, his back to the earth and his hands resting on his taut stomach while he stared up at the sky.

He looked over at me and burst out laughing again. Through my wolf, I could feel her confusion at his merriment. A rush of tingles washed through my body as I tucked her away and changed back. I stood with my hands on my hips and stared down at Sawyer. I smiled despite his prank.

“Is that any way to treat your alpha female?” I teased.

Sawyer looked over at me, and his laughter stopped. His lips parted, and his eyes grew hungry as they raked over my nude body. Their path left a shiver in their wake.

“Stop looking at me like that,” I said in a serious tone. I cared about Sawyer as a friend, and if Adam ever saw the look he was giving me now, he’d be dead before the sun could set.

“Do you ever think about it?”

I bent and picked up my clothes. “About what?”

“Our one night,” Sawyer said, standing. He made no move to retrieve his clothes. I kept my body angled toward him so that my shoulder was to him, and I kept my attention on my clothes. I worked my shirt so that it wasn’t inside out.

“That’s a double edged sword,” I said. “If I tell you no, it’ll hurt your feelings. And if I say yes, it’ll look as though I’m not loyal to Adam, which I am.” I met his eyes with that last statement. Whatever nonsense was going on in Sawyer’s head, he needed to know that nothing would ever happen between us again.

“So which is it?”

I slipped on my shirt and shimmied quickly into my shorts. My bra and underwear were ruined from the change. I picked the scraps of material up and stuffed them in my pocket as best as I could.

I took a deep breath as I turned to face Sawyer. Right at that moment, he bent down—ass facing me—and picked up his clothes. My eyes fell to the ground so quickly, my vision blurred for a moment.

“Can we not have this discussion again, please?”

Sawyer stood, fumbling with his clothes. “I think about it,” he said quietly, almost as though he was talking to himself rather than me. “I can’t look at you without remembering that night.” His head lifted, and his eyes met mine. They were full of heat, but also something else, something sadder. The pain hiding behind those beautiful green eyes made my gut twist in guilt. In a different world, I could see myself very happy with Sawyer. However, there was no point in entertaining a ‘what-if’ scenario.

“Sawyer, I—”

He held up his hand. “You don’t have to apologize for you and Adam. I don’t like it, but I understand. It just … sucks. I’m not purposely trying to make things harder on you, Anna.” He slipped on his jeans. I watched as his fingers slipped the bronze button through the hole and then went to the zipper.

“I’m working through things and sometimes the shit slips out,” he said. “I’m happy that you’re happy.” He paused and locked eyes with me. “I just wish it was with me.”

Sometimes I do, too. I didn’t say it. There was no point in giving him false hope. I just knew that things would be easier with Sawyer. His life wouldn’t rest in my hands like Adam’s did. As much as I loved Adam, our relationship was more complex than anything I was used to. Adam was in a league all by himself compared to the men I had dated in the past. While I could entertain the idea of a simpler life with Sawyer, I knew even if I could change things and not be bonded to Adam, I wouldn’t. I’d take our complex relationship over an easy one any day of the week.

Chapter Twelve

Portable bleachers had been brought in for the festivities. Rows of them sat on either side of the open space like a makeshift football field. After sleeping most of the day, Adam was starting to feel better. I huddled next to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning my head against his shoulder. I knew his body was still recovering, and my closeness would keep him warm. The weather in the mountains is fickle at best. It could be sunny and ninety degrees in the plains while a snowstorm brewed at the highest peaks.

Adam turned his head, and I looked up at him, smiling. He still stunned me every time we made eye contact. He was mouthwatering in so many ways. His blond hair hung over his sparkling azure eyes. I watched as his full lips stretched into a grin that had my panties wanting to drop.

“Adam, dear.”

Just like that, the spell was broken. I sat up and tried not to frown at Maggie’s intrusion. Her lips steeled into a line when she looked at me. Today, she wore a gray pantsuit with a pale pink undershirt. Her blond hair was upswept and professional, just like her outfit.

“Hello, Mother.”

Maggie removed her icy gaze from me. Her eyes softened when she looked upon her son. She reached a hand out and rested it against the side of Adam’s face, concern filling her eyes.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Adam said. “The amount of silver must not have been as great as Sunny anticipated.”

“That’s excellent news, and I’m so happy you’re on the mend.” She smiled, but her eyes cut to my face. “It helps you’re from a strong bloodline.”

The glance was brief, but I knew what she was saying—that I wasn’t worthy of someone of his stature. That’s the great thing about the heart, though; it doesn’t care about labels, race, creed, or social standings. The heart is blind to the nonsensical bullshit that weighs down societies.

“Have you spoken with Chloe today?”

“She stopped by to check on me, but I was asleep is what I’m told,” Adam said. “I’ll have to thank her for her concern.”

I looked between Adam and his mother. A glint reflected in her conniving eyes when she glanced at me. So Chloe was the girl she wanted her son to be with? I wondered if that had to do with Chloe’s pure bloodline, or the connections it would ensure for Adam’s parents. I learned early on after joining the Everwood pack that emotion does not play into the pairing of two wolves. It’s all very political and depressing. Aside from Adam and I, there were only three other couples in our pack. Most had casual hookups, but none of them considered settling down unless it benefited their position.

I was determined not to allow the jealousy of Chloe show itself—that’s what Maggie wanted.

“That was very nice of her,” I said. “I’ll be sure to thank her, as well.”

Adam’s hand gripped mine tighter, and he gave me a secret smile that told me he wasn’t fooled by my faux politeness.

“Yes, well …” Maggie turned. “Oh, here she comes.”

Boy, did she ever. Dressed in a short sundress that barely covered her behind and neck-breaking heels that elongated her already long legs. Her blonde hair was pinned up to expose the length of her slim neck and shoulders. The jealousy I’d been containing burst forward, and all I saw was red. My wolf scratched and clawed at the smile she cast in our mate’s direction.

Back off, bitch!

“Hi, guys,” Chloe said with a saccharine smile.

“Hi.” I smiled back, making sure to keep my lips pressed tight so it didn’t come out as a sneer.

She sat beside Adam, a little too close. Adam looked down at our joined hands, and I followed his direction. My fingers were white from the pressure. Smiling sheepishly, I released my grip a little. I hated feeling like this—hated the insecurity Chloe brought out in me. The problem was, Adam was mated to Eve when our thing began. Though I refused to be the other woman, I wasn’t so sure Chloe would. I knew deep down that wasn’t the type of man Adam was, but the small uncertainty still birthed itself inside of me. Adam’s and my case was different, wasn’t it? We were pulled toward each other because we were each other’s Chantes.

He was the yin to my yang.

The cheese to my macaroni.

The jelly to my peanut butter.