Enduring Light (The Afterglow Trilogy #3)(43)
Author: Alyssa Rose Ivy

My body should have resisted, should have hated another man holding me—but it didn’t. It felt right. “How? Calvin knew, didn’t he? He did this.”

“He made me promise. He made me promise I’d always take care of you. I’d already made that promise to myself.”

I gripped his shirt, noticing he’d already grown taller. The connection between us was undeniable. “You’re my Gerard.”

He nodded. “I’m not Calvin, and I never will be, but I swear to you, Charlotte, I will make you happy. We will be happy.”

He cradled me against his chest as I cried. “I need time.”

“You can have all the time you want. I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can remember, and I’ll be in love with you until the day we die. I can give you space, I can give you time, I can give you everything.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Kevin

That wasn’t what was supposed to happen. That wasn’t the way it was supposed to work. Charlotte wasn’t supposed to experience such crippling heartache. She wasn’t supposed to look at me with those hollow eyes. I wanted to make it all go away, to start over and tell Dad we weren’t moving back to Charleston. But as soon as I thought it, I knew I didn’t mean it. Charlotte and I were born for our roles in Energo. The Source would have made sure we found our way there eventually. The other reason for discarding the thought was currently standing right next to me.

Samantha squeezed my hand. “She will be all right.”

“I hope so.”

“She has Liam. He is her true Gerard now. He is who she has always loved, and he loves her. They will find peace.”

“I still can’t believe… I can’t believe she almost gave her own life.”

“She was only doing what she believed was right. You would have done the same.”

“No. I couldn’t have done that to my family.”

“Even if it meant saving them? That’s what she was thinking. That’s what Calvin was thinking when he took her place.”

“I can’t believe he’s gone.” I didn’t mean Calvin, although his death wasn’t a small one. Losing Monty hit me in a place I didn’t think would ever heal. I’d spent my whole life looking up to him, and I hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye.

She looked up at me. “It is okay to cry.”

I nodded and lost it. I cried for Monty, for Calvin, for Percy, for Ruth, for everyone Blake had destroyed out of his relentless jealousy.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Charlotte

Three Weeks Later

My bed—Mom’s old childhood bed—was my home for three weeks. Under the blue quilt, I could pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist. I could wallow in my pity, my guilt, and my hatred for myself. Calvin had sacrificed himself for me. The least I could do was honor his memory. He may have made Liam my Gerard, but that didn’t mean he really wanted us to be together. He was only trying to protect me, to give even more selflessly. He’d done all that, and I hadn’t even been as good when he was alive. The memory of my kiss with Liam burned in my chest. Even if it had been the Source’s doing, I was still a participant, and I’d enjoyed it. If Calvin knew of my plan, did he know about the kiss? Could he read me better than I could read him? Had he loved me enough to overlook it? These were questions I’d never have answers to. Whatever tipped Calvin off about the meaning of the scroll had caused his sacrifice. I cursed who or whatever told him.

Liam had come to see me several times, as had my parents and brother, but I couldn’t handle seeing anyone yet. When I wasn’t thinking about Calvin, I was thinking about Monty. I missed him so much. He’d been like a second father to me, such a large and constant part of my life, and he was gone. Losing two of the most important men in my life in a single day was too much. I didn’t want to eat, but I discovered that if I ate one meal a day, everyone left me alone.

My door burst open, so I pulled the quilt over my head. “Go away.”

“No!” Kevin tugged the quilt off the bed. “I will not go away.”

I rolled over.

“Charlotte, this has to stop!” He threw open the curtains, flooding the room with sunlight.

“No! It doesn’t.” I started to cry again.

“You’re acting like a spoiled brat, and I’ve had enough. Do you think the rest of us are happy about how things worked out? Do you think Mom’s thrilled that her brother’s dead? Do you think I’m jumping up and down? And Liam? How do you think he feels? He loves you so freaking much, yet you’re freezing him out like he doesn’t matter.”

“I have nothing to offer anyone.”

“Bullshit. What about James? You don’t have anything to offer him?”

“Is he here?”

“His body is. Do you think he magically woke up?”

“I thought he would maybe… I don’t know… since Blake is dead.”

“No. But maybe you can do something now. Didn’t you ask the Source?” He sat down on the bed next to me.

“Not directly, but I may have an idea.” The mention of James had shocked me. I did know how to help him. Maybe someone’s life could still be saved. I sat up. “Where is he?”

“In the great hall.” Kevin looked triumphant. “Will you finally leave this room?”

I glanced around at the messy space. “Yes.” I got out of bed and walked toward the door.

“Uh, Charlotte?”

“Yes?”

“You should probably clean up and change. We all love you, but you’re pretty disgusting.”

I picked up a shirt from the floor and threw it at him.

He easily caught it. “Your aim has improved.” He tossed it back onto the floor and went to the door. “I’ll see you downstairs.” He closed the door behind him.

One glance in the mirror showed me I looked like hell. I had bathed the day before, but the dark circles under my eyes weren’t going anywhere. I just splashed some cool water on my face and tied up my hair. I stripped off my nightgown and put on the first dress I found in the closet. It was light blue. That was all Mom used to wear.

I tentatively walked downstairs, not sure what kind of reaction would be waiting for me.

Liam met me at the bottom of the stairs. “Charlotte?” I’d felt his presence from upstairs, and I assumed he felt mine.

“Hi, Liam.” I tried to hold myself back, but the pull was too much.