Fall from India Place (On Dublin Street #4)(27)
Author: Samantha Young

I froze, my eyes glued to him despite myself. My heart sped up in anticipation.

Marco didn’t disappoint. He looked straight at me and replied, “I think it sounds like a book about determination, about pursuing what’s right, what feels right, despite the odds stacked against you or the possible fallout. It sounds like my kind of book.”

I was frozen in that moment, looking at him as he looked back at me with all the determination he had mentioned. My palms began to sweat, I couldn’t hear over the rushing of blood in my ears, and I wondered where the hell I was supposed to go from there.

He was telling me he wasn’t going to give up.

I think I believed him.

Clearing my throat, I abruptly stood up and stuffed the book in my bag. Without a word, I hurried out of there, ignoring Ronnie’s concerned call of my name as the others murmured their bafflement.

CHAPTER 9

“When I’m with you it feels like everything’s going to be okay. I can’t explain it.”

I couldn’t get Marco’s voice out of my head, those words he’d said to me so long ago. They had meant so much to me then because I knew that he wasn’t the kind of guy who expressed his emotions well, and that day he’d let himself be vulnerable with me.

Despite everything that had happened, despite him leaving me and breaking my heart, I couldn’t stop those words from haunting me.

Standing alone on the small patio at the back of the house where I grew up, I stared at the ground and I fought with myself, calling myself foolish for dwelling on the sweet when it was the bitter that had done so much damage. But in a way, I guess, the bitter wouldn’t affect me so much if the sweet hadn’t been so damn sweet.

“Nanna.”

I glanced up at the now open French doors that led into my parents’ dining room to see Cole gazing at me in concern. The noise from the front of the house filtered toward me now that the door was open. Although Joss, Braden, Beth, and Luke weren’t with us because they had tickets to a children’s musical, the house was still crowded and loud. Liv and Nate had made it this time, along with Lily and January. Ellie and Adam were there too with William, and Jo, Cam, Cole, Dec, and Penny had joined us.

I smiled at Cole. Ever since Lily started calling me Nanna, Cole used it playfully. “What’s up?”

He stepped outside, closing the door.

I frowned at the thin T-shirt he wore. Although it exposed his artwork, it also exposed him to the spiky November cold. “Go back inside and put on a jacket.”

One corner of his mouth pulled up into an amused smirk. “I’m fine, Mum.”

“You’ll catch a cold.”

“I’m fine,” he insisted. “You? I’m thinking not so much.”

It was getting harder and harder to pretend with my friends and family that I wasn’t in a mood. I’d spent the last week completely discombobulated, living inside my own head. I didn’t know how I felt about Marco’s persistence and because no one else knew the whole story I didn’t even have anyone to turn to. And in the end that was my own fault.

“Hannah, seriously.” Cole’s smile slipped, a deep frown line appearing between his brows. “You’ve been quiet all week and you’re out here by yourself, looking like you have the weight of the entire world on your shoulders. I’m worried. Tell me what’s going on.”

I sighed, not wanting to piss him off with an obvious lie. “Do you remember Marco from the wedding?”

He nodded and waited for me to continue.

“I used to be in love with him.”

Cole’s eyebrows rose at that little bomb of information. “How did I not know this?”

“You and I weren’t as close back then. Jo, Ellie, Joss, and Liv know about him. We met when I was fourteen and by the time I was seventeen I was mad about him. He’s older, so we were just friends. Sometimes I tutored him. But I always wanted more. We kissed when I was seventeen” – I diluted the information – “and just when I thought maybe he felt the same way about me, he went back to America. The wedding reception was the first time I’ve seen him since then and… he told me he’s been back in Edinburgh for four years.”

My friend’s eyes glimmered with sympathy. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish I’d known. I would never have left you alone that night.”

“I needed to be alone,” I reassured him.

“His reappearance is obviously messing with your head.”

“No, actually he is.”

Cole’s face instantly darkened. “What does that mean?”

“It means he wants a chance to explain why he left the way he left, and he’s been turning up everywhere I go in an attempt to get me to listen.” I went on to tell him about the school, the gym, and the book club encounter.

His glower cleared. Now he just looked amused. “So, listen.”

I jerked back in anger. “No. He doesn’t deserve it.”

“Hannah, you were kids. If he’s taking the time to pursue you, then he clearly feels bad and wants a second chance.”

“He’s had that chance for the last four years.”

“Maybe he didn’t know what to say.”

“Whose side are you on?”

“Yours,” he said with a laugh. “But, Christ, you’re working yourself into knots over him when all it might take to give you a little closure is a better understanding of where his head was at. He’s offering you that chance.”

I gave him a low-lidded look of displeasure. “If I wanted a voice of reason I would have asked for it.”

Cole chuckled. “I’m just saying, unless there’s more to this than you’re telling me, I think he deserves a chance to explain.” Some dark suspicion suddenly entered his gaze. “There isn’t more to this, is there?”

I shook my head with faux calm. “No… but he is the reason I made a stupid decision back then. So… there’s that.”

Understanding settled over Cole’s features and he replied kindly, “You can’t hold your own actions against him.”

Feeling guilty for lying to Cole and angry at Marco and myself for the predicament I found myself in with my family, I nodded glumly. There was no way I’d get the right advice without my friends and family having the full story, and I had no intention of rewriting the history I had given them with the truth. “Let’s stop talking about me.” I waved the subject away. “How’s you? How’s Steph?”