Fall from India Place (On Dublin Street #4)(60)
Author: Samantha Young

“Hannah, I care about Leah. She’s my friend and she’s the mother of my kid. But I love you.”

“Should it be this hard, though, Marco?” I asked. “Should it hurt this much?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what the rules are. All I know is that it means something pretty f**king important to feel this way about someone. I’d do anything for my son, Hannah. I’d do anything to protect him. To make sure he knows he’s loved. That he makes my universe turn. And I feel that way about you too. I want to protect you, I want you to know that for me there’s no one else like you. That you make my universe turn.”

My heart actually hurt in my chest.

“Hannah?”

“If it was up to how I feel when it’s just us and the world is quiet and everything seems so far away,” I told him softly, “we’d be together. I’d put it all behind me and we’d move on. But life isn’t like that. The rest of the world never goes away. Our mistakes are out there and we can’t hide from them. I don’t want to mess you around and it’s not my intention to hurt you” – my voice cracked – “but I just don’t think this is what I want anymore.”

“You don’t love me?” His voice was gruff, the way he sounded whenever he was feeling something deeply.

I hated that I was hurting him. “Marco, I’ve been in love with you since I was fourteen. And it’s hurt for eight years. I’m just not sure that’s the right kind of love.”

“I didn’t know there was a right or a wrong kind,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Perhaps not. But maybe I need a shot at an easy kind.”

“Or maybe you just need to give us a shot with all this shit out in the open,” he argued. “Hannah, when we were kids I was messed up. I didn’t give us a chance. But those two months we had before Christmas were the best f**king weeks of my life, and they would have been perfect if we’d just been honest about everything. Now all that is out there, and we can start over. It can be great. It can be easy.”

I wanted to believe that, but I was too scared. I wasn’t even going to lie to myself about it. I was terrified.

Marco could hurt me like no one else could because I loved him with everything I had. I’d allowed his mistakes, our mistakes, to bend me. However, I couldn’t let us break me.

Wiping the tears from my face with trembling hands, I prepared myself to finally make a decision.

“Hannah?”

“Marco…” My voice came out as a whisper and I had to clear my throat to get the volume back. “Because of you I’ve never given anyone a chance. If you want the whole and absolute truth, there’s never been anyone since you. I lied when you asked me when the last time I had sex was. I’ve only ever been with one man and that man is you.”

“Hannah —”

“It’s time I gave myself a chance to fall in love with someone else.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do. We’re not good for each other. You need to move on.”

“No,” he growled down the phone in a surprising and yet not so surprising response. “You’re mine. I’m yours. Don’t you dare run from that.”

“I’m not running.” More lies. “I just need a fresh start.”

“Hannah, I love you.”

“Please don’t… don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“No. Don’t give me bullshit clichés. I need to see you. We can’t do this over the phone. We can talk and we can work it out.”

Terrified at that thought because I knew that just seeing him would weaken my resolve, I hurried to deny him. “I don’t want to see you. I’m moving on, Marco, and I need you to do the same for me. Do this for me.”

I could hear that his breathing had grown shallow. “I can’t. It might be the most selfish thing I’ll ever do, but I can’t give you up. I won’t. If I thought it was what you really wanted, really needed, I would. But it’s not. You’re scared. I know you’re scared. I’m going to do everything I can to take that fear away.”

“Stop being a stubborn idiot!” I snapped, feeling desperate.

“Pot, meet kettle,” he answered, his voice edged with determination. “We’ll see which one of us can be the most obstinate, Hannah, because, babe, I’m never giving up on us. If it takes a week, a month, a year, whatever, the future is us. I’m spending the rest of my life waking up in the morning with you beside me and getting through each day knowing that when the sky turns dark I’ll be spending the night inside you.”

His sensual, beautiful words knocked me for six. “You are such a bastard,” I breathed.

Marco laughed shortly, harshly. “I see I’m winning already.”

CHAPTER 23

“So Beth is having a Daddy’s girl day?” Liv asked Joss, her tone telling us just how cute she thought that was.

Joss grinned, putting her cup of coffee down on the table. “After her excitement at the zoo last year, and her current obsession with all things animal, Braden decided to take her to that Safari Park in Stirling but discovered it was closed for the season, so he’s taking her to Deep Sea World. He wanted some daddy-daughter time.”

I smiled. “He’s a good egg, that one.”

Joss made a face. “That he is. Makes it really hard to be crabby at him.”

Liv, Joss, and I were at an activity center in Morningside that had a café just on the edges of the play area. Since it was in the same building as a full-time day care, there were a number of staff to watch the kids while their parents could have lunch and chat, but still keep an eye on their children. From our table we could see Lily and Luke in the soft play area supervised by a couple of nursery assistants. January was in her pram next to Liv, sleeping peacefully for once.

It had been a week since my conversation with Marco. I’d thrown myself into work and done what I could to distract myself from the wreckage of my love life. That wasn’t easy at first because Marco must have updated Nish a little and she came to me in the staff room to apologize. Since then she’d been watching me carefully, as if I were made of glass, and every day she’d ask me in this sweet but unintentionally annoying tone if I was all right.

I’d also had to update Michaela on everything. Suzanne had told Michaela her own version of events, and obviously her account had some inaccuracies. Poor Michaela now found herself in the awkward position of being friends with two people who no longer wanted anything to do with each other. I assured Michaela I wouldn’t make it difficult for her. I couldn’t assure her Suzanne would do the same.