Fallen Too Far

Rush smirked, "I know a virgin when I kiss one."

I didn’t even want to argue about this. It would only make the fact I was a virgin all the more obvious.

"I was in love. His name is Cain. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first make-out session, however tame it may have been. He said he loved me and claimed I was the only one for him. Then my mom got sick. I no longer had time to go on dates and spend time with Cain on the weekends. He needed out. He needed freedom to get that kind of relationship from someone else. So, I let him go. After Cain I didn’t have time to date anyone else."

Rush frowned. "He didn’t stick by you when your mom was sick?"

I didn’t like this conversation. If someone else pointed out what I already knew it would be hard not to have angry feelings about Cain. I’d forgiven him a long time ago. I’d accepted it. I didn’t need bitterness toward him to creep in now. What good would that do?

"We were young. He didn’t love me. He just thought he did. Simple as that."

Rush sighed, "You’re still young."

I wasn’t sure I liked the tone in his voice when he said that. "I’m nineteen, Rush. I’ve taken care of my mother for three years and buried her without any help from my father. Trust me, I feel forty most days."

Rush reached his hand across the bed and covered mine with his. "You shouldn’t have had to do that alone."

No, I shouldn’t but I didn’t have any other options. I loved my mom. She deserved so much more than she got. The only thing that eased the ache was reminding myself that Mom and Valerie were together now. They had each other. I didn’t want to talk about my story anymore. I wanted to know something about Rush.

"Do you have a job?" I asked.

Rush chuckled and squeezed my hand but didn’t let go. "Do you believe everyone must have a job once out of college?"

I shrugged. I had always thought people worked at something. He had to have some purpose. Even if he didn’t need the money.

"When I graduated college I had enough money in the bank to live the rest of my life without a job, thanks to my dad." He looked over at me with those sexy eyes hooded by thick black lashes. "After a few weeks of doing nothing but partying I realized I needed a life. So I began playing around with the stock market. Turns out, I’m pretty damn good at it. Numbers were always my thing. I also donate financial support for Habitat for Humanity. A couple months out of the year I’m more hands-on and I go work on site. Summers I take off from everything that I can and come here and relax."

I hadn’t been expecting that.

"The surprise on your face is a little insulting," Rush said with a teasing lilt to his voice.

"I just didn’t expect that answer," I replied honestly.

Rush shrugged and moved his hand back to his side of the bed. I wanted to reach over and grab it and hold onto it but I didn’t. He was done touching me.

"How old are you?" I asked

Rush grinned, "Too old to be in this room with you and way too damn old for the thoughts I have of you."

He was in his early twenties. He had to be. He didn’t look any older. "I will remind you that I am nineteen. I’ll be twenty in six months. I’m not a baby."

"No sweet Blaire, you are definitely not a baby. I’m twenty-four and jaded. My life hasn’t been normal and because of it I have some serious screwed up shit. I’ve told you there are things you don’t know. Allowing myself to touch you would be wrong."

He was only five years older than me. That wasn’t so bad. He gave money to Habitat for Humanity and even did onsite labor? How bad could he be? He had a heart. He had let me live here when he had wanted nothing more than to send me packing.

"I think you underestimate yourself. What I see in you is special."

Rush pressed his lips together tightly then shook his head. "You don’t see the real me. You don’t know what all I’ve done."

"Maybe," I replied, leaning forward. "But what little I have seen isn’t all bad. I am beginning to think there might just be another layer to you."

Rush lifted his eyes to meet mine. I wanted to curl up in his lap and just stare at those eyes for hours. He opened his mouth to say something then closed it… but not before I saw the silver in his mouth.

I pulled my knees under me and moved closer to him. "What is in your mouth?" I asked, studying his lips and waiting on him to open up again.

Rush opened his mouth and slowly stuck out his tongue. It was pierced with a silver barbell.

"Does it hurt?" I asked, studying his tongue closely. I’d never seen anyone with a pierced tongue before.

He pulled his tongue back in his mouth and grinned. "No."

I remembered the tattoos on his back from the night he’d been having sex with the girl. "What are the tattoos on your back?"

"An eagle on my lower back with his wings spread and the emblem for Slacker Demon. When I was seventeen my dad took me to a concert in L.A. and afterwards he took me to get my first tat. He wanted his band branded on my body. Every member of Slacker Demon has one in the exact same place. Right behind their left shoulder. Dad was high as a kite that night but it was still a really good memory. I didn’t get a chance to spend a lot of time with him growing up.  But every time I saw him he either added another tat or piercing to my body."

He had more piercings? I studied his face and then let my eyes fall to his chest. A low chuckle startled me and I realized I’d been caught looking.

"No piercings there, sweet Blaire. The others are in my ears. I put a halt to the piercings and tats when I turned nineteen."

His dad was covered in tats and piercings just like the rest of Slacker Demon. Was it something that Rush hadn’t wanted to do? Had his dad forced him?