Fallen Too Far

"That was the best time, ever. I like blue-collar fellas. They’re so much fun," Bethy slurred sleepily from the backseat. "You should have looked around some more Blaire. It would have been smarter on your part. Rush is a bad idea. ‘Cause there is always Nan."

Nan? I turned to look back at Bethy. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was hanging open. A soft snore escaped and I knew any explanation to that comment wouldn’t be happening tonight.  At least not from Bethy.

I turned to look back at Rush whose hand had left mine and was now gripping the steering wheel tightly. His jaw was also clenched. What was the deal with his sister? She was his sister, right?

"Is Nan your sister?" I asked, watching him for any reaction. He simply nodded but said nothing more. This was what I’d gotten the last time I brought her up. He completely closed down on me.

"What did Bethy mean then? How would us sleeping together affect Nan?"

Rush’s entire body was strung tight. He didn’t respond. My heart sank. That secret, whatever it was, would keep us from doing anything more. It was too important to him therefore, it was a warning flag for me. If he couldn’t tell me something even Bethy knew then we had a problem.

"Nan is my younger sister. I won’t… I can’t talk about her with you." The way he said "you" made my stomach turn. Something was off here. I wanted to ask more questions but the sadness and loss that washed over me as I realized I wouldn’t be sleeping in his bed tonight or any other night stopped me. This would keep me from getting too close to Rush. I should have never let him touch me like he did earlier. Not when he could so easily toss me aside.

We remained silent all the way to the offices. Rush got out of the Range Rover without a word and woke Bethy up. Then helped her inside. It was locked but Bethy had a key. She had mumbled something about staying the night here or her daddy would kill her. I didn’t go help. I didn’t have the energy. I just wanted to go to bed. I wanted my bed under the stairs. Not the big new one waiting on me.

When he got back into the car he was still silent. I tried to figure out why he would shut down like he did over Nan and what Bethy’s comment could mean but nothing made sense. It was only minutes later that we were pulling into the four car garage. I opened my door and climbed down as soon as he put it in park. I didn’t wait for him as I made my way to the door. It was locked so I had to wait on him to come unlock it.

Chapter Sixteen

Rush opened the door and stood back so I could enter. I walked inside and headed for the kitchen.

"Your room is upstairs now," Rush said, breaking the silence.

I knew that. My mind was just elsewhere. I turned and headed for the steps. Rush didn’t follow me. I wanted to look back and see what he was doing but I couldn’t.

"I tried to stay away from you." His words sounded dark. I stopped and turned back around to look down at him. He was standing on the bottom step staring up at me. The pained expression on his face made my heart ache.

"That first night I tried to get rid of you. Not because I disliked you." He let out a hard bitter laugh. "But because I knew. I knew you’d get under my skin. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away. Maybe I hated you a little bit then because of the weakness you’d be able to find in me."

"What is so wrong with you being attracted to me?" I asked, needing him to at least answer me that.

"Because you don’t know everything and I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you Nan’s secrets. They’re hers. I love her, Blaire. I’ve loved her and protected her all my life. She’s my little sister. It’s what I do. Even though I want you like I’ve never wanted anything in my life, I can’t tell you Nan’s secrets."

Every word from his mouth sounded like it was being ripped from him. Nan was truly his sister and I understood that kind of loyalty and love. I would have died for Valerie if I could. She had been only fifteen minutes younger than me but I’d have done whatever she needed me to. No guy or other emotion could have made me betray her.

"I can understand that. It’s okay. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry." I was sorry. I’d pried into his life and his sister’s. Obviously whatever Bethy knew she shouldn’t know it. If Bethy thought that Rush’s need to protect his sister would be an issue for us she was wrong.

Rush closed his eyes tightly and muttered something.  He was dealing with something. Maybe this had brought up a bad memory. As much as I’d like to go down there and hug him I knew I wasn’t welcomed right now. I’d messed that up.

"Good night, Rush," I said and walked up the stairs. I didn’t look back this time. I went directly to my room.

There was no mistaking morning time up here with these windows. An alarm clock wouldn’t be needed. The sun had woken me up an hour before my alarm clock had gone off. I showered and dressed with ease now that I had a bathroom right here and more room to move around.

I wasn’t in the mood to eat Rush’s food this morning. I wasn’t really in the mood to eat but I had two shifts to work today so I needed some food. I would stop by the coffee house and get some caffeine and a muffin. The short black linen skirt and white cotton button down top we had to wear as a uniform when we served in the dining room at the club was our responsibility to keep washed and pressed. I’d spent a few hours yesterday ironing the few I had here at home.

Once I had on my tennis shoes, I headed down the stairs. I hadn’t heard any activity upstairs yet today so I knew Rush wasn’t awake. For once, I was grateful to not have to face him. Now that I’d had time to sleep on last night’s events I was embarrassed.

Not only had I let Rush touch me in places I’d never had anyone touch me before but then I’d turned around and acted like a crazy nosy bitch. I needed to apologize to him but I wasn’t ready to do that just yet.