Fangs for Nothing (The Fangover #2)(19)
Author: Erin McCarthy

“I have a splitting headache and I’m wearing the stupidest shirt I’ve ever seen in my life, but other than that, I’ll live.”

“Good.” Johnny shot a glance at Drake, wondering what exactly had gone down between him and this girl. He didn’t even remember seeing her at the wedding, though admittedly, his memories didn’t extend much past the first bridal dance. “So what did we all drink in common, the punch?”

“I had one sip,” Josie Lynn said. “One lousy sip.”

“Lizette and I had like three glasses each.”

“I had about six,” Drake said. “Dude, I was thirsty.”

Johnny pulled his phone out of his pocket and called his sister while Drake went in search of better pants. Any pants would be better than those. Tighty whities would be better than those.

It took ten rings for Stella to answer. “Hey, Stella, have you seen Saxon? And did you drink that punch last night? Because I’m here with Drake and we’re hungover and can’t remember a damn thing. It’s like my wake all over again, only I’m not dead and this time I’m one of the victims, so actually, it’s much less fun.” Especially considering what he’d most like to remember was who had done the unbuttoning on Lizette’s blouse. Him or her?

“Same thing here,” Stella said, her voice gravely. “Wyatt and I don’t even remember going home. That is so damn scary, I hate it. Anything could have happened! You think it was the punch?”

“Pretty sure. And Zelda is here but she’s out stone cold. I was wondering if you could come over and get her dressed and take her to the ER. I think maybe she should be checked out, maybe given some fluids.”

“Oh, geez, sure, of course. Give us ten minutes. Wyatt’s in the shower. Have you talked to Cort or Katie?”

“No. Can you call them and have them meet us?”

“Where are you, by the way?”

“Zelda’s apartment, in the domme room. You know, her special little dungeon.”

Stella gave a startled laugh. “What the hell are you doing there?”

“I would tell you, but I have no idea.” Johnny tried to move away from Lizette, feeling the conversation was more than a little private, when he realized he couldn’t get more than two feet from her without dragging her like a poodle on a leash. “Bring metal cutters, by the way.”

“Metal cutters? Do I even want to know?”

“No. Just hurry please.”

He hung up the phone and tried to call Saxon, but it went to voice mail. Then he asked Lizette, “Any word on who Josie Lynn is?”

“The caterer. Apparently she and Drake met last night in the kitchen and she was unimpressed.”

“I guess at some point she got impressed.”

“Like me?” Lizette shot him a look.

“Um, yeah, about that.” Johnny leaned his head down so they weren’t overheard. “Maybe we should talk about that. Alone. Would you mind going upstairs with me? We have to let Stella in anyway.”

“Shouldn’t we be looking for the key to these handcuffs?”

“Sure, in a minute, but I doubt we’re going to be able to find them. This room is full of objects if you noticed.”

Lizette sighed. Johnny felt kind of bad. It was one thing for her to catalog every crappy ashtray in his apartment, it was another thing for her to have to deal with Zelda and Saxon’s getting-their-freak-on equipment. Which reminded him. “By the way, the VA can keep my ashtray collection. I quit smoking five weeks ago. It was starting to stain my fangs.” He was pretty proud of that fact. It wasn’t easy to give up the nicotine or the oral fixation.

“Congratulations. We will dispose of them regardless of the findings.”

So they were back to that. He’d probably showed the woman a helluva time last night and she still couldn’t cut him any slack.

Johnny yanked open the soundproof door to the room and stepped out. Lizette’s shriek stopped him cold. “What? What the hell is the matter?”

She pointed behind him. “Alligator.”

“What?” Her accent was particularly thick, and he couldn’t figure out what she was saying.

She pointed again. “Alligator!”

Johnny turned. “Holy shit! There’s an alligator in the hallway!”

“That’s what I said! Get back before he . . .” Lizette made a snapping motion with her left hand. “Chomp, chomp!”

Johnny almost laughed. Almost.

Instead he jumped back into the room and slammed the door. Then he laughed. “Oh my God, there’s an alligator in the hallway.”

“That’s insane!” Lizette said.

“Very.” Johnny looked back to Drake for assistance, but he and Josie Lynn seemed to be arguing. “I guess we can bum-rush him. Otherwise we’re trapped here.”

“Are you sure that’s wise?”

“Well, we are vampires. We’ll live.”

“Shh!” Lizette covered his mouth with her free hand. “You cannot speak of such things!”

Johnny pursed his lips and again fought the urge to laugh. She was so damn earnest. Slowly, he stuck the tip of his tongue out and licked her fingers.

She let out a yelp and yanked her hand back, eyes wide. “What are you doing?”

Now he did laugh. “Just trying to lighten the mood.”

Her eyes narrowed in anger. “We need to remove these handcuffs immediately. It will make it easier for us to rush past the alligator.”

“I could probably try to yank them. I do have supernatural strength. It might tear our flesh, but it will heal.”

His suggestion got the exact response he’d expected from Lizette. “We can’t do that in front of Josie Lynn. It won’t look normal.”

“Then let’s get out of here and do it in the other room. Then we can go our separate ways.” He would continue to look for Saxon, and she could go write a list detailing the ways they should look normal.

“Fine. Let me get my purse.” The haughty Frenchwoman was back in place, her delicate nose in the air as she marched over to the spot where they’d been sleeping, or more accurately, where they’d been passed out cold. It took them a second to get their walking coordinated, because she strode and he ambled, but they only needed to make it a few feet across the room.

When she bent over, Johnny had to admit he eyeballed her ass. It was a good ass, what could he say? He adjusted his pants a little. What a shame to make the ice princess thaw and not even be able to remember it. It was an actual tragedy.