Far From Heaven

“Hi,” she whispered. She held out her arms and he went into them, pulling her up off the bed. He stroked her hair as she sobbed quietly into his shoulder. “I love you, Ash. I was so afraid I’d lost my chance to tell you that I really do love you.”

Burying his face in her hair, he rocked her, soothed her, murmured his love for her in return. Riam had moved away and was very softly conversing with Celeste and Damael in the far corner of the room. Ash had been so stunned to see his old friend here, Damael had laughed riotously at the look on his face. And Ash hadn’t been able to verbalize what it meant to him: that seeing Damael here and happy with the woman he loved had given him more hope than anything had in his entire existence. Even more than that damn crazy angel appearing as if by magic in his torture chamber.

But hope was a short-lived thing. No one had said anything about freeing him; they’d only allowed him to come to the surface to help Madeleine. He didn’t have the heart to tell her right now that he couldn’t stay with her.

It never would’ve worked anyway, because of what he was. All he could hope for was to find some way to survive, and maybe one day, ages from now, he would get to see her in all her angelic splendor. He would live for that day.

Maddie drew away from him, holding his face with both hands. She kissed him, her sweetness a balm to his weary, pain-riddled body. What he wouldn’t give to take her home, spend a few hours in her arms letting her put him back together again. Maybe Riam would allow him that much. It wasn’t as if he had anywhere to run.

“There are too many people—or whatever—in this room,” she said impishly against his lips. Apparently she was having the same ideas as he. “Can we go home now?”

“Madeleine…I wish it were that simple.”

Her limpid blue eyes searched his. A single tear trembled on her bottom eyelashes. “What do you mean?”

“I was only brought here to help you. I can’t…”

The tear spilled. Her expression shattered. “What? No.”

“Shh. You know it’s for the best.”

“But it isn’t. It isn’t the best for me. There has to be someone I can talk to or—”

“No, I’m afraid that isn’t possible.”

“Ash, you can’t leave me. We have to try anything. Do you want to stay?”

He could lie, tell her he didn’t. It would break her heart, but maybe it would put any outlandish ideas out of her head. In the end, he couldn’t say the words. There’d been too many lies between them, and he never wanted to speak anything other than the truth to her again.

“More than anything, angel. But I can’t. There isn’t anything to be done about it.”

There was a sound at his back, and Ash turned to see Riam standing just behind him. “I’m afraid it’s time to go.”

Ash nodded, disentangling himself from Madeleine’s arms. It felt like leaving a limb behind. “I’m ready.”

“You can’t take him away from me!” Madeleine burst out, her sudden devastated fury focused all on the angel.

“Maddie, it’s going to be all right—” Ash began, but Riam cut him off.

“The order was only good for him to save your life, Madeleine. Whatever punishment his masters see fit to dole out, it still stands. The Tribunal won’t get involved in that.”

“Why not? It sounds to me like they can do whatever they want!” she fired back. “Please, Riam—”

“It’s not my decision to make.”

“But you talked them into this much. Surely you can do something.”

“What I can’t do is disobey their orders, which state I’m to return him once you have been restored. It’s been done.”

Her voice cracked on her next words. “No it hasn’t. I’m not restored.” She dissolved into sobs.

Quietly, Ash pulled her head to his chest and looked up at Riam. “Can you give us a few minutes alone?”

Riam’s mouth thinned with uncertainty, but he finally gave a curt nod and walked from the room, warning them he would be just outside the door. Damael and Celeste followed, their expressions grim.

“Madeleine,” Ash murmured, trying to get through to her over her racking sobs. They were so severe she could hardly breathe around them. “Listen to me. You’re going to get over this. You’re going to leave here and get on with your life, and things are going to be a whole lot better for you than they ever have been. Forget about me and live your life.”

Somehow, words formed from the hiccups tearing from her throat, but he thought surely he misunderstood them. “You should have done it.”

“Done what?”

“You should have taken me when you had the chance. You wouldn’t be in all this trouble, and I could be with you.”

The statement sparked such a vile reaction in him, he had her face in his hands and her head tilted back before he realized it. She gave a tiny gasp as his gaze bored into hers, and he spoke with such emphasis that each word shook her. “Don’t say that. Don’t even think that. Everything that’s happened here today, everything we’ve done, was to keep you safe.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do. You’re irrational.”

“I don’t care,” she repeated, practically snarling at him. “Don’t tell me I’m f**king irrational when for the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want and where I belong. That’s with you, wherever I have to go. I want you. Take me.” Her hands slithered up over his shoulder, fingers kneading.

Aghast at her determination and the dark, violent passion it stirred in him, he fought the urge to leap off the bed and put as much distance between them as possible. She’d just handed him her soul on a platter, after everything he’d gone through to let it go.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he hissed, but his hands weren’t making any move to release her. Cold blackness welled up inside him, a chilling void that would draw her into it if he didn’t keep it in check. “You have no idea what you’ll be giving up.”

“I’ll be giving you up if I stay and that’s too much.”

“Has Riam told you that you could have the chance to be like him someday? An angel. Madeleine, think about it. Everything you’ve done, every life you’ve lived, all the good things you’ve done, all the pain and the trials—every bit of it has been leading up to that. To what you told me you wanted, to being a part of something bigger than yourself.”

“Maybe it’s all been leading up to you.”

His breath hitched, stuttered and stopped. “It’s out of the question.” The words strangled him. With a sudden burst of effort, he shoved her hands away from him and stood, pacing away from the bed to stare out the window. Outside, it was a picturesque spring morning. Inside, he felt as if all of winter collected in his heart.

There was a rustle behind him, and he turned to see Madeleine on her feet, toddling toward the door. “What are you doing? You should rest.”

“I’m fine.”

He moved to get in front of her and guide her back to her bed, but she shoved at him with a strength that surprised him. “Get out of my way.”

“Where the f**k are you going?”

“I’m going to talk to Riam.”

Oh, hellfire, that would spell disaster. “That isn’t…advisable at the moment.”

“It’s advisable for you to get the hell out of my way, Ash. I’ve been a pawn in your little game my entire life. Do you realize that? And now you’re going to stand there and make this decision for me? I won’t have it.”

He could only stand and watch as this little mortal woman defeated him. Again. She pushed past him, staggering on her unsteady feet but throwing off any of his attempts to help her. He could only follow her into the hallway, and stand uselessly behind her as she caught the attention of the angel who’d been talking to Celeste.

Riam frowned as he saw her. “You should—”

“No, I shouldn’t. I want you to know that if Ash has to go back to Hell, then I go too.”

“Madeleine!” both Celeste and Riam snapped, as if they were shocked parents dealing with an unruly teenager. Riam’s gaze whipped up over her shoulder, connecting with Ash’s and glowing impossibly blue. “This is your idea of helping the situation? You son of a—”

“Hey, don’t look at me. This is all her.”

“Because you’ve poisoned her mind!”

“For the first time in my life, my mind is absolutely clear. But is it true what he just told me?” she asked. “He said I could become like you someday.”

Riam’s glare sharpened, if that were even possible. “Ordinarily the Candidates are never told that they’re—”

“See, that’s my problem with this whole thing. All this secrecy, all this planning and plotting I’m utterly unaware of. Is it that way with everyone? Is this all just a big game between the two of you, an eternal power struggle? Is that the meaning of life?” She scoffed. “Then I don’t care about living anymore. I don’t care about being one of you and perpetuating the cycle. I just want to make my own decision, and I choose to be with him. I love him. And I know he loves me just because I know what he was willing to give up for me. You can’t tell me there was anything poisonous about it.”

“I was standing there when they said he was as good as dead if he came to help you. If you go and they kill him, Madeleine, you’ll be alone and in more misery than—”

“If I stay here, I’ll be alone and in misery. If I go, maybe they’ll spare him. This was all about me in the first place, wasn’t it? It can only help if he delivers me like he was supposed to.”

“The problem with your logic is you’re forgetting who you’re dealing with.”

“No, I’m not. I’m standing right next to one of them.”

“She’s got a point there,” Celeste said, looking none too happy about Riam’s last statement.

Ash had scarcely been able to breathe through this exchange. Riam had lost most of his animosity while watching Madeleine’s tirade, and he stared at her now with increasing heartbreak. After a long, silent moment, he looked back up at Ash. “She’s declared her wishes. She’s yours. It’s up to you.”

Gently, Ash took her shoulders and turned her to face him. “Madeleine—I can’t take you away from the sunlight and this world you love. The people you love. Don’t ask me to do it.”

“Is it really that bad?”

“Yes,” three voices chorused at once.

“But I’m used to it,” Ash added. “You’re not.”

Her lower lip quivered. “I won’t get used to it in time?”

He stared at her, considering. Who was to say? With him at her side—if he could stay at her side and not meet a grisly end—she might glory in the darkness. He thought of that first night in her apartment, staring down at her in her bed, at her face split by light from the window. Half in light, half in shadow. Each equally beautiful. Madeleine had as much darkness in her as she had light. Maybe he’d been the one to put it there, but it was a part of her now and she would carry it with her always.