Finding Ours (Finding #2)(12)
Author: Megan Smith

I’ve been bawling like a baby all night. My eyes are red, swollen and they burn. Tanner has barely said two words to me since hanging up with Rex. He just watches my every move.

Tanner had put the call on speaker phone when Rex started explaining, through his own choked sobs, what happened.

“Nothing could have ever prepared me for what I saw.” Rex said through his tears.

“Savanna’s face was unrecognizable. There were so many tubes and wires connected to her. When Knox stepped into the room, her father stood and placed a shaky hand on his shoulder. Savanna’s mom walked out of the room and into my arms for support while her dad explained what happened.”

“Savanna is brain dead and the baby passed away too.” Rex sniffs. “Savanna’s mom breaks down in my arms when she hears her husband repeat the words the doctor told them. She just kept saying ‘no’ over and over again. They kept her alive until Knox was able to get there so that he could say goodbye.”

My hand covered my mouth; a waterfall of tears forming and falling. This is like a horror story no one should ever have to live through.

“Mom and dad died on impact.” Rex sobs. “Quick and painless, right?”

“I’m so sorry, Rex.” I cried.

Rex sniffs, “Can you guys get a ride up here? Knox and I are going to need you.”

Tanner wipes his eyes with the back of his hands, “Of course, we’ll get the first flights out.”

“Thanks, man.”

When our plane lands at LaGuardia Airport in New York we get a taxi to Mitchell Enterprises where Knox and Rex are waiting for us.

We take the elevator up to the top floor and the door is jarred open. It’s quiet and I’m not even sure anyone is here.

“Hello?” Tanner calls out.

“In here.” Rex answers.

We drop our bags by the door and walk down the hall to the only door that’s opened. Rex is sitting on a sofa that is positioned against the far wall. Knox is sitting in an executive chair staring out the window. He hasn’t even acknowledged that we’re here.

I walk over to Rex and he stands and wraps his arms around me. “I’m so sorry, Rex.” I cry. “I loved them like my own parents.”

He doesn’t respond and I can tell from his stiff posture that he’s holding back, trying to be strong. Finally letting go I sit down on the sofa and Tanner hugs Rex.

Rex looks over at Knox and shakes his head, “I’m going to go grab some lunch for all of you.. I’ll be back shortly.”

Tanner and I nod.

We all sit in quiet for a while, lost in our own thoughts. Your whole world can change in a blink of an eye. You don’t ever think about death until someone you know dies. You get caught up from one day to the next and before you know it years have passed. But suddenly when your world falls out from underneath you, you stop and think back about all the past times whether they are good or bad. You forget that you should live like it’s your last day on Earth. And dealing with the emotional fallout when not one, but four people, one of which was an unborn baby, is almost too much to bear for all of us. I cannot fathom the emotional wreckage that this accident has caused and the amount of time it will require to heal from it.

“Savanna was twenty weeks pregnant.” Knox speaks, almost a whisper, for the first time since we arrived. “We had an ultrasound appointment set up to find out the sex of the baby at the end of the week. We talked for hours about whether or not we wanted to know what we were having.” Knox’s eyes glaze over. “I secretly wanted a boy but I never told her that because she wanted a girl.”

He’s quiet for a while again. Tanner reaches for my hand and links our fingers together.

“The baby had just started moving a few weeks ago and anytime that I put my hand on Savanna’s stomach I was hoping the baby would move or kick but nothing happened.” Knox shakes his head. “I felt nothing last night when I put my hand on her stomach. I waited and willed our precious baby to move. Just a little flick, nudge, something, but I got nothing.”

How does anyone ever recover from something like this? He lost four of the most important people in his life.

“I told our baby how much I loved both of them and that I was sorry I’d never been able to meet him or her, but at least they would get a chance to know their mother and to watch out for each other up in heaven.” The intensity of what he’s saying has become too much for him. The cracks in his resolve that he’s been barely holding together finally gives way. The floodgates open and he loses all sense of self right in front of us.

I lost it, I tried being strong for Knox but that broke me. Life isn’t fair. Tanner pulled me to him and I buried my face in his chest soaking his shirt with my tears.

He continues, how he’s speaking through his grief I have no idea. “I kissed her stomach and pulled the covers back up. Then I kissed Savanna on the lips and told her all my plans that I had for the night and how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I even took the engagement ring that I bought her and placed it on her finger. I dropped to one knee and proposed to her right there in the hospital. I knew I would never get an answer but I was ok with that. It was something I needed to do for myself. I know she would have said yes, I just know it.” Knox’s breathing gets harder and his voice shakes. “I kissed her once more before telling her I loved her for the last and final time. I walked out of the hospital and went home.”

His composure returns, albeit briefly, and he gets quiet again, lost in thought. Tanner runs his hand through my hair.

“I couldn’t be there when they pulled the plug on my girlfriend and unborn child. It just seemed cruel in my eyes even though I knew it is what they had to do. When I got home I took a shower and sat in the chair in my bedroom trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life now that everything was gone. The only thing right this second that is keeping me going is Rex. I have to be strong for him. We don’t have anyone else.”

“You have us, Knox.” Tanner tells him. “You’ll always have us. Anything you need you let us know. You know we have always stuck together. Nothing will ever change that.”

Knox nods and stares back at the window. We sat there for hours. Rex never came back with lunch, not that I was very hungry anyway but I’m worried about him.

The sun had long set hours ago before Knox spoke again.

“Tanner,” Tanner glanced over at Knox. “I’m going to need your help with Club Mango. I can’t go there and I don’t trust anyone else to run it.” Club Mango was Savanna’s club. She started it from the ground up, named it and helped Knox’s parents with it from day one.