Finding Us (Finding #1)(24)
Author: Megan Smith

“What, because Knox didn’t cook it you’re not going to eat?” Cade asks me before shoveling a forkful of food in his mouth.

My hand starts to shake slightly as I set my glass back down on the table.

“She’s probably wondering if you washed your hands before cooking.” Jeremy says with a mouthful of eggs.

Everyone at the table snickers, including Cade. Knox looks over at me and then to my untouched plate and then back at me and shakes his head.

“Jas?” Summer says to me.

“Hmm?” I say, trying to keep my voice steady but Knox is making it hard since he is rubbing circles with his thumb on my leg.

“You want to go get a little sun with me today?”

I can’t take it anymore. I stand and walk my plate over to the sink to rinse it off. “No I’m good. I’ve got somewhere I’m going in a little bit.”

Summer’s eyebrows lift in surprise. Knox comes over to where I am standing next to the sink and throws his arm around me.

“I’m stealing her away for a little while.”

Summer pats Knox on the shoulder on her way out of the kitchen, “It’s about time.”

I haven’t slept a single night through in five years, five very long frustrating years, until last night. After Jasmine fell asleep, I laid there for a while but my body was very aware of her and it was making it hard to sleep. Eventually I did drift off and I slept all night long, no flash backs, no sweats, no screaming, nothing but pure blissful sleep.

Playing around with Jasmine this morning in bed led to me wanting to take her right then and there, even though I know neither of us are ready for that yet. Hell, I don’t even know what the f**k I’m doing with her. This wasn’t part of my god damn plan, but f**k, it’s like I can’t help it.

While Jasmine and I were running this morning I wanted to take her somewhere to be alone with her, to get to know her better. Only one place came to mind and it’s the only place I never got to take her to. I don’t know if she’s going to like it but I think it’s a safe bet. A little on the romantic side but what girl doesn’t like that every once in a while?

Once she agreed to come I began to get a little nervous. When we got back to the house I was glad to see that someone else decided to cook for all of us so I led Jasmine upstairs with me so we could shower. As tempting as it was to shower with her, I couldn’t. When we were getting our shit together for the shower she started getting bashful with me. Why, I’m not quite sure but whatever it is I’m going to break through it.

“Knox!” Jasmine yells and her voice echoes from the bathroom.

“Yeah?” I was in the hallway making reservations for dinner tonight and didn’t want her to know what I was doing so I stepped out of the room.

She didn’t respond so I finished my call and walked back into the bathroom to see what she needed but what I saw absolutely stunned me. Jasmine standing in my bathroom completely na**d and wet is like my f**king fantasy coming true. Her chocolate hair dripping down over her tanned slender shoulder, her bright green eyes wide in surprise that I caught her in such a compromising position, her beautiful, flawless body with her tattoos makes me instantly hard.

“Fuck.”

Jasmine starts to tremble as she reaches for the towel to cover up and I want to tell her to leave it but I don’t. I pull her to me and have her wrap her arms around; I try to keep my h*ps away from her body so it doesn’t make the situation even worse.

When I asked her why she is being so bashful and she told me it was because she was scared of me, it was like a punch to my gut. I don’t even want her to be scared of me, not anymore. To hell with the plan and all that shit. There is no way in hell that I can hurt her.

12

I help Cade clean up the kitchen because Knox still needed to take a shower. He said that he had to run out to handle something but as soon as he got back we were leaving and to be ready.

“Everything ok with you and Knox?” Cade asks while he scrubs the frying pan.

“Yup.” I feel a little awkward because I still don’t exactly know what happened last night and I don’t know if everyone else knows and they just aren’t saying anything to me.

“JJ, seriously don’t let last night bother you. He’s still grieving.” Cade stares out the kitchen window towards the ocean. “He has been for damn near five years. We all keep hoping that someone is able to bring him back from that dark hole that he can’t seem to get out of.”

“Has he ever tried to talk to someone about it? Like someone he’s not close with that could maybe help him get over his parent’s death?”

Cade drops the frying pan in the sink and it clatters against the metal, “Fuck.”

I watch him grab the pan and scrub it harder than necessary. He turns the water on and mumbles something under his breath. Finally he rinses the pan and his hands. He wipes them on the dish towel I hold out for him.

Cade leans against the counter and crosses his feet. He stares down at his hands, “Do you know what happened to them?”

I lean my hip against the opposite counter and look at the window. “Only that his parents died in a car crash.”

Cade lets out a loud sigh and throws the towel on the counter. “Look, if he hasn’t told you the story yet there is a reason. I’m not going to go behind Knox’s back and tell you but I will tell you this – be patient with him JJ. Other than a few meaningless screws he hasn’t even had any kind of interest in a girl.”

I nod and try to keep my emotions in check. I don’t want Cade to see how this is all starting to affect me. “Well, thanks for breakfast. I’m going to head back up to my room and read while I wait for Knox.”

Cade grabs me by my wrist and pulls me into a hug. “Just hang in there JJ.”

“I’m gonna try.” I whisper before walking upstairs.

I’ve been up in Knox’s room reading for a while before someone comes knocking on the door. “Come in.” I yell.

Rex walks in wearing his swim trunks and a towel wrapped around his shoulders. “Knox is on his way back, I just hung up with him.”

“Okay, thanks for letting me know.” I get up off the bed and walk over to my bag and grab my purse.

“Jas, I’m sorry about what happened last night.” Rex says sincerely.

I don’t answer him right away, I’m a little hurt he hadn’t said anything in my defense last night. “Where’s Summer?”