Flawed Love

I’ve never seen him look at anyone like that.

God dammit, what am I doing here? What am I trying to prove?

“I need some fresh air,” I say to Belle, before turning and shoving through the crowd.

I push towards the stairs and shove my way through person after person, desperate to get out. There’s a deep pain in my chest that I didn’t realize had gotten so intense. It was okay when Rainer was just Rainer, it was okay that I didn’t know his past, and it was okay that he didn’t remember me. But what’s not okay is the idea that he is in love with another woman. And he is. Hard. His eyes expressed a longing for her that I would die to have aimed at me.

A tear bursts forth and I keep pushing through the crowd until I reach the front door. The moment the cool, spring breeze hits my face, I gasp it in, taking big, painfully large lungfuls of it until my hands stop trembling. I can’t stop the tears through. I stumble on my heels and an agony unlike anything I’ve ever felt tugs on my heart, seeming to suffocate me from the inside out. I mutter excuse mes to the crowd of people until I’m by the road.

I look left, and then right. I can’t see any cabs. I guess I’m going to have to call one. I fumble for my phone when a presence comes up behind me. I feel it so strongly, and I know before he speaks that it’s him. Why the hell would he come after me? He doesn’t even remember my face, so why the hell should he care what happens to me? My body goes stiff, but I keep my eyes focused on the road.

“Everything okay?” he asks, his voice low and thick. “I saw you rush out. Are you sick?”

He’s just being a good citizen. Of course he is. Why the hell wouldn’t he do the gentlemanly thing and make sure I’m safe? I want to scream in frustration, but I just keep my eyes to the road.

“I’m fine,” I say, but my voice is thick and broken. “I just need to get home.”

He curls his fingers around my arm and spins me towards him. He’s still shirtless, seemingly unaffected by the group of girls who have stopped to gawk at him. He’s got sweat running down his chest, his face is slightly bruised, and there’s a little blood around his lip. He smells incredible. Like a man would smell right after sex. Wild sex.

“You’re crying,” he says, studying my face, running those gorgeous brown eyes over me as if he truly cares.

“And?”

His brows furrow. “Something upset you.”

“Yes, but it’s fine. I’m going to go home. Great fight.”

He doesn’t let me go. “You’re hiding something, aren’t you?”

I flinch. “I beg your pardon?”

“You . . . you have something in your eyes. Hurt. I don’t know what from, but I effect you somehow.”

God, he’s too smart for his own good. He always was. He used to be able to read me like a book and it would seem it’s the same now. I look away, because if I meet his eyes, I’m afraid he’ll see the pain in their depths. The real pain. The pain of knowing the man I love so dearly is in love with another woman.

“You just remind me of someone I . . . loved.”

He’s silent for a moment. “Did something happen to him?”

“Something like that,” I whisper.

“I’m sorry I bring back painful memories.”

My eyes flash up to his. “No, not it’s not like that at all. Believe it or not, I’ve enjoyed spending time with you.”

His eyes study my face, and his mouth softens slightly, lips parting just a touch. “Yeah,” he finally says. “I think you’re pretty good too.”

“Anyway,” I say, forcing a smile. “I should get home.”

“You got a ride?”

I shake my head. “I’ll call a cab.”

“No,” he says. “I’ll take you.”

“No Rainer, it’s fine. We . . . you don’t have to do that.”

He puts a hand up. “Least I can do.”

“I don’t want to push this,” I protest as he pulls a cell phone from his pocket. I have no idea how that got there. It certainly couldn’t have been there when he was fighting. He must have grabbed it on his way out after me. “You and I . . . we agreed that we would just act casual about all of this, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing for more or that any of this is an act . . .”

“Do you always talk so much, Mali?” he says, his eyes twinkling with amusement. I haven’t seen that twinkle since we were younger.

My heart swells a little. “No,” I say sheepishly.

He presses his phone to his ear and a second later, he says, “Pip, hey, any chance you could do me a big favor?”

My heart squeezes. Dammit.

“Yeah, I need to take Mali home, but my keys are in my locker. Are you still down there?”

He smiles, his eyes so bright, so into every single word she’s saying.

“Thanks, beautiful.”

Beautiful. Oh God that hurts.

“Out front.”

He hangs up and turns back to me, and I force another smile as we wait. Less than five minutes later, Pippa appears, looking like a fallen angel. She smiles at us and walks over, handing Rainer his keys. “Thanks, gorgeous,” he says, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her forehead.

“No problem.” She smiles. “Is everything okay, Mali?”

“I think I just drank those cosmos a little fast. I have a belly-ache,” I lie.

Her face flashes with genuine concern. God dammit, I’m so jealous of her, but I can see why he adores her. She’s got a beautiful personality.

“Oh no,” she says. “I hope you’re going to be okay?”

I nod. “I’ll be fine. Thanks for tonight, Pippa. I had a great time.”

She steps out of Rainer’s arms with a smile up at him, and walks over, hugging me too. She’s so tiny, even next to someone petite like me. I hug her back and then watch as she flashes Rainer a warm, affectionate look, before disappearing into the club.

“Ready?” he asks.

As I’ll ever be.

~*~*~*~

“You’re in love with Pippa?”

I say this as we travel down the long, dark road back towards the main center of the city. Rainer’s fingers tighten on the steering wheel.

“What makes you think that?”

I laugh softly. “I’ve seen people in love, Rainer. I saw the way you looked at her.”

“Doesn’t matter how I looked at her. She’s in love with another man.”

“That wasn’t the question I asked,” I say carefully.

“Yeah, I’m in love with her. I’ve been in love with her for years.”

Even though I was expecting it, those words burn. I’m thankful the car is dark, so he can’t see the pain flash across my face.

“How come nothing ever happened?” I go on, wanting more information but hating what might come of it.

“Because it was a bad situation, and by the time I found her again, she was in love with Tyke.”

“Did she ever feel the same?”

He’s silent a while. Then he says, “No.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, because I really am. I know exactly how that feels.