Flawed Love

“Mali, order up,” my boss, Jake, yells.

“On it,” I yell back.

I walk over, take the coffee and serve them to the young couple smiling dreamily at each other. Vomit.

“Mali, hey.”

I flinch at the sound of Pippa’s voice and turn to see her standing, smiling at me. God damn her perfection. Why can’t I be more like her? So pure. So beautiful. My heart aches, but I smile, because she’s a sweet, amazing girl, and it’s not her fault Rainer is doing what he’s doing.

“Hey, Pip.”

“I thought I’d come for that coffee.”

I smile. “Right, of course. I’m just finishing up.”

“I’ll wait.”

She grins and takes a seat at an empty booth. I finish up my shift and Jake lets me go, so I join Pippa, who is now sipping a latte. I slide onto the seat and she stares over at me, studying my face. “How are things?” she asks.

I know she’s not here to ask me that. Pippa wants to know about my relationship with Rainer, and I love that she’s being sweet about it, but the fact is she wants to know and I’m going to tell her . . . kind of.

“Look, Pip, both you and I know why you’re really here, so just ask the questions. I don’t mind.”

Her face softens. “Am I that obvious?”

I shrug. “You care about Rainer. I’d do the same thing.”

“I do like you, Mali. Please don’t think I’m here just because of him.”

I smile at her. “I know that.”

“I just . . . I care about him, and the situation between the two of you has me curious. You look at him differently and I’ve never seen him . . . spend time with any woman except me.”

“What Rainer and I have is casual, Pippa. He made that clear.”

“Then why did he stay at your house?”

I sigh. “He already answered that.”

“And he lied, which he never does.”

She figured him out. That doesn’t surprise me.

“Surely you can see that he’s in love with you, Pippa. Don’t you think it makes sense that he’d lie? He’s trying to protect you.”

Her eyes flash with pain. “I don’t expect him to protect me anymore. I want Rainer to fall in love; I want him to be happy.”

Anymore? What does she mean by anymore?

“Well obviously he cares about you, and I think a part of him hopes you might be jealous of other women. I don’t know. All I know is, he lied because he didn’t want to hurt you.”

“And he hurt you instead.”

I meet her eyes. “I’m just casual, Pippa, and I’m okay with that.”

“Do you really think I believe that? I see you looking at him, Mali. There’s something in your eyes, a deep pain, almost a regret. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’ve known him a long time.”

I have.

“I . . . I just feel a connection to him, is all. I understand him. I know where I stand though, Pippa.”

“But you’re not okay with it.”

I shrug. “I don’t get a choice.”

“I was a little jealous, you know. I’ve never seen him with another woman, and even though I know he does it, seeing him looking at you? It did tug something inside me.”

“No offence, Pippa and I mean that, but you are taken . . .”

She smiles warmly. “I know I am, but I do love Rainer. Not with the same intensity that I love Tyke, but . . . I love him, Mali. I do.”

“I can see that.”

“It bothers me that I get jealous sometimes, because I know it must be so hard for him to see me with Tyke, but Rainer and I have a bond unlike anything I’ve ever had in my life. Circumstances forced that upon us, but I don’t regret it.”

“Circumstances?”

Her eyes grow dark. “Rainer hasn’t spoken to you about how we met?”

“Casual relationship, remember?”

She nods. “Well, it wasn’t nice, but if he hasn’t told you, it’s not my place to do that for him. Sorry, Mali.”

I nod. “I understand. I just . . . I can see so much in his eyes, so much pain.”

“There’s a lot there. Go easy on him. He’s never had a relationship before.”

“He hasn’t?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. “Not even one?”

She shakes her head. “Well, not since I’ve known him.”

Oh, Rainer.

“What about that tattoo on his chest?” I say, knowing I could be playing with fire here. “The girl’s name?”

She shakes her head, confused. “I haven’t seen it. He must have got it in the last few years.”

She hasn’t seen it . . . so it’s recent. Why would he put that there, if he can’t really remember me?

“Oh, right.”

“What does it say?” she asks, studying me.

“Emy.”

“Oh,” she says. “Yeah, he told me about her. She was a friend he had from childhood.”

“Oh, right.”

“He said he doesn’t really remember much, but he knows she was important. He struggled with memory loss after . . .”

I want to ask after what, but I know she won’t tell me. “Did he not see her again?”

She shrugs. “I honestly don’t know. I think he’s just at a loss right now. He doesn’t know what his life holds.”

“I get that,” I admit.

“Look, Mali, I know you care about him, I can see it. I just . . . please be careful with his heart. Rainer is a broken man, more than you could ever imagine. I know that you accept what he’s offering, but if you can’t and you feel like you need more, step away. Please. He’ll only give what he can, and it’s going to take a strong woman to accept that. You’re a good woman, Mali, and you deserve love. He can’t give that to you. If you’re okay with that, then I won’t stand in your way, but if you’re not . . .”

“I get what you’re saying, Pippa.” I meet her eyes so she can see I’m sincere. “But you need to understand something about me—I believe in second chances. I believe anything can be fixed with the right kind of love. I won’t hurt him, I promise you that, but I’m not going to give up, either.”

She smiles. “I didn’t think you would.”

She would be right.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

THEN – MALI

This is crazy!

We’re at a beach party and it is absolutely packed. It’s the last semester of school before we’re all ready for college, and people are becoming more and more excited with every passing day. We’re all ready for the big, bad world. Rainer and I are planning on going to the same college, which is super, because I don’t imagine I could be parted from him for long. It wouldn’t be the same without him.

“Check out slut-face glaring at you,” Kenny says in my ear, pointing at Missy, who is sitting on a log beside some handsome guy, glaring at me.

I wave with a giant grin on my face, and I can nearly hear her huff of frustration from here.

“You’re evil, and I love it.” Kenny grins, thrusting a cup of beer into my hand.

“I can’t help it. It’s in my blood.”