Flawed Love

“Will you go back to school once it’s done?”

He shrugs. “I honestly don’t know.”

“It’s so sad you had to quit, Rai. You loved school. You were going to go so far.”

“Yeah, I was, but sometimes life happens. I’m not bitter, Emy. I can accept my fate.”

I don’t think he understands. Fate surely has better things in store for him.

He’s far too incredible.

~*~*~*~

I lift my bag over my shoulder as it slips down, frowning as I walk along the sidewalk. I don’t feel like school today. Without Rainer there, it’s not worth it. We’ve been dating for a month now and even though I don’t see him heaps, it’s been great. He spends as much time with me as he can, but I know something is going on. He’s been distant, constantly on the phone, and he’s dealing with people I don’t like the look of. I have no doubt it has to do with drugs, but every time I bring it up, he shuts me down.

He’s been gone three days now, and even though he calls me, I’m worried about him. I’m worried about what kind of debts his father left that would have him messing around with criminals. Was his dad doing drugs? Is he paying off his debts? I just don’t know, and I don’t like it. Not one bit. I’m scared for him, but mostly, I’m terrified of what will happen if he gets hurt, or worse, killed.

I’m so busy in my thoughts I don’t hear the person approach me from behind. The next thing I know, I’m being launched up into a set of hard arms and swung around. I scream with fear and shock, but then I’m placed down and crushed into a hard chest, and I know instantly whom that chest belongs to. I make a happy sound and wrap my arms around Rainer’s middle, pressing my cheek against him, breathing him in. “You’re back.”

“I’m back, baby,” he murmurs into my hair. “Fucking missed you.”

I step back and look up at him. He grins down at me, and everything looks normal with him. He doesn’t seem hurt, or drained, and that has to be a good thing, right?

“Where have you been?” I ask. “I was worried.”

“I called you.” He frowns.

“I know, but I hate not knowing what you’re doing.”

“Yeah, I know, but trust me, it’s nearly over.”

I bite my bottom lip, giving him a concerned look. He reaches down and strokes a thumb over my cheek. “Trust me, okay?”

“Okay Rai.”

“Now, tell me what’s been happening. I’m taking you out tonight, so you better not have plans.”

I tuck myself into his side and we start walking towards school.

“Nothing much has happened. It’s all the same.”

“No excitement at school?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“Jack been keeping his distance?”

“Considering he probably had to have plastic surgery, I’m going to say yes.”

Rainer chuckles. “Well, that’s what he gets for touching what isn’t his.”

“You could have been charged for that. You’re lucky, Rai.”

He squeezes me. “If he charged me, I would have had you charge him and he knows it. Not worth it.”

“Well, I think he’s learned his lesson.”

Rainer grunts. “I fucking hope so. You haven’t had any more shit from Missy?”

I laugh bitterly. “No, Missy is too busy chatting up the new guy. He is hot, though. I can’t blame her.”

Rainer reaches over and tickles my side, and I squeal with laughter.

“Careful, kid. I’m the jealous type.”

“No shit? I didn’t guess.”

He laughs. “Fuck I’ve missed you.”

Yeah, I’ve missed him too.

More than he knows.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

NOW – MALI

Tears flow down my cheeks in hard, heavy streams. I’m on my bed, knees tucked up to my chest. Mimi has been sitting with me, but she wasn’t getting anything out of me so she decided to try and make me some tea. I can hear her battering around in the kitchen, no doubt frustrated. I want to tell her what happened, but I can’t stop crying for long enough to get it out.

I’m crying so hard, and no matter what I do it just doesn’t stop. I’m crying from years worth of loss and pain. My phone has rung more than thirty times, and I finally turned it off. The calls were from Rainer, and Pippa, and even a few from Belle. I don’t want to talk to any of them. I don’t know how to explain what I’ve done. I don’t just blame Rainer; I blame myself for not being honest with him.

It’s all just a big mess.

“She doesn’t want to see you!” Mimi screeches.

“Too fucking bad!” Rainer barks, and I hear pounding footsteps.

Oh God. He’s in my house. Why is he in my house?

“If you don’t stop, I’ll call the cops,” Mimi yells.

“Go right a-fucking-head. I’m going to see her.”

“Rainer!” she screams.

I launch off the bed, scrambling to get to the door and lock it, but I’m not quick enough. It swings open and a big, angry Rainer storms in, slamming it behind him, right in Mimi’s face. He reaches back and locks it, then he stands, staring at me, really staring. His body is shaking with his panting breath, and he looks wild.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demands.

“I thought you’d know. I went in there so excited that you were in town, that I was going to have my friend, my lover, back, but when you looked at me and didn’t recognize me, it broke my heart.”

“I have memory problems, Emy. Fuck! I know who you are, but your face is a hazy mess in my mind.”

He called me Emy. My heart explodes and I start sobbing again.

“I get that, but I thought you’d know, Rainer. I thought you’d see it, and the more time you spent with me, the more I realized that wasn’t going to happen. I know I should have told you, but I was so hurt. God, it burned so deep . . .”

He takes a step forward but I put a hand up. “Please, don’t,” I croak.

“I would have never done any of that if I knew,” he croaks.

“Wouldn’t you?” I cry. “God, Rainer, you don’t care about me anymore and that’s okay. I didn’t expect you to, but . . . I just thought . . . after the way you left . . .”

“Things have happened in my life . . . Do you think if I could remember clearly that I wouldn’t have been happy to see you?”

I cry harder. “I’m sorry,” I croak.

He steps closer and I let him. I stare at his boots, because I don’t know what to say.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” he rasps. “Fuck, Emy, I never . . .”

“It hurt,” I cut him off. “It hurt so bad when you looked right through me. I was so sure you’d remember, and it felt like someone had reached in and ripped my heart out.”

He says nothing, and I don’t look up.

“Then I found out what had happened, and that you were in love with Pippa, and I realized I was in deeper than I first thought. When I heard you say that stuff tonight . . . it ruined me. I’ve loved you since the day you made love to me and every year since and you ruined me.”