Four Summers(10)
Author: Nyrae Dawn

Talk about ironic. Of course I would end up with another boy for a best friend. One who’s always been there for me, and the other who makes me breathe faster and my heart bounce. Who makes me feel like a girl when no one else does and who looks at me like he sees something that only he can see.

One that if I gave into my heart, I would love.

“You’re my best friend, too.”

He shakes his head. “That’s Alec.”

“He is. He’ll always be my best friend, but…I don’t talk to him the way I do you. We don’t talk about the sky and I never could have told him what I told you tonight.”

Nathaniel’s quiet for a few minutes before he turns to look at me again. “Things would be different for us if we lived close, huh?”

It’s not what I want. I want things to be different for us now, but I feel lucky to hear that. Because I believe it. I don’t know what it is, but I know he’s right. Things would be different for us if we lived closer. I wouldn’t be afraid to follow my heart.

“Yeah…I think they would.”

Nathaniel puts his arm around me again, and together we watch the night.

Chapter Nine

It’s Thursday, August 8th, and Nathaniel leaves tomorrow. He and his family have been gone all day. It’s their last day here and we won’t even get to see them. Sadie Ann is mad. She’s locked herself in her room and even though I’m sad, I don’t let it get me down. What’s the point? It won’t change anything.

I work with Dad around The Village. No one has said anything about what I heard the other night so I haven’t either. Part of me wants to, but I’m scared to hear the answer. Or of how I’ll respond, so I just try to forget it.

Even though I don’t want to, I keep watching Nathaniel’s cabin, waiting for them to come back. Soon it’s dusk and Dad goes back to the house. I follow him and he kisses Mom on the cheek and I take that to mean she’s not leaving.

She has this sort of resigned look on her face that breaks my heart.

After changing clothes I go back outside, hoping to see their car, but it’s still not there. Nervously, I pop my knuckles, before kicking my shoes off to walk along the edge of the water. Joy bursts inside me when I hear footsteps behind me. Please be him, please be him, please be him.

“Charlie. Wait up!” Alec calls and I let myself smile. I refuse to be disappointed. He’s still my best friend. He always will be.

Alec catches up to me. “What are you doing?”

“Taking a walk.”

“Mind if I come along?”

“Sure."

We wander and talk about school starting next month. He’s excited about football and we’re going to be sophomores, and I know I should be excited about it all too, but I’m just not.

“I’ve kind of been a jerk this summer,” he says after a while.

I shake my head at him. “No, you haven’t.” And he hasn’t. Not really. There’s no rule that says he has to pick me first for games or that he can’t meet new friends. No matter what, I always know Alec will be here for me and he knows the same about me.

“I don’t know what got into me. I…It’s not important, but you know I love you, Charlie. You’re my best friend and I didn’t work with you as much as I usually do and I didn’t pick you first—”

“It doesn’t matter," I tell him. "And I love you too.” We’ve been telling each other that since we were three years old and both of us know what it does and doesn’t mean.

We meander down the lakeside for another few minutes before we turn to head back. The Chase family still hasn’t returned.

Alec gives me a hug before heading home. I eat dinner with my family and then go to bed. Just past eleven PM, a knock on my window wakes me up.

Nathaniel.

I hold up a finger for him to wait. He nods and disappears from my view. I slip on another shirt and some shoes before grabbing my flashlight and crawling outside.

“Wanna go where we went the other night?” he asks. I grin when I see his dimple and his backward hat.

“Sure.” I’m not sure how to feel right now, so I try not to feel anything.

We head out to the fort, mostly quiet. Nathaniel tells me his parents dragged him and Brandon around all day even though he wanted to be here hanging out with me. His words make me smile as we slip into the night. Our night. I think I might always think of it that way. I’m not sure I’ll ever see another moon and not think of Nathaniel.

A moaning sound comes from the darkness and I reach out and grab Nathaniel’s arm. There’s a little light ahead of us and he puts his finger to his lips as we sneak forward. We hide behind a tree and look toward the clearing where there’s a small fire and…holy crap! Brandon and Sadie are on the ground, under a blanket. Brandon is on top of her and I might be naïve and never kissed a boy, but it’s pretty obvious they’re hav**g s*x. Sex! I have no idea if it’s Sadie’s first time or not, but I don’t care. I turn away, my cheeks hotter than they’ve ever been. I can’t believe I just found my sister getting it on with a boy. I start walking away.

Nathaniel’s jogging to catch up with me. It doesn’t take me long to find my fort and I’m scared I’m going to die right here of embarrassment.

“My brother has game! Who knew,” he laughs and I swat his arm.

“Oh my God. I can’t believe we just saw them having…”

He cocks a brow. “Sex?” he supplies for me.

“Yes!”

At that, Nathaniel laughs harder “You couldn’t even say it. Damn, your face is bright red, Star Girl. I know it was awkward, but why are you embarrassed?”

I shake my head, knowing I’m getting redder by the second.

“It’s not like they saw us. Why are you so shy?”

“Do you really have to ask that?” I bury my face in my hands. He’s so quiet I have to peek out, afraid he walked away.

“Have you ever…” he starts.

I drop my hands. “What? No! Of course not.” I can’t help but ask him the same thing. “Have you ever?”

“No.”

He doesn’t add the of course not.

“Me and Roxi…we’ve messed around and stuff, but not that far.”

“Okay, that’s enough for me!” I turn my back to him. It’s not like I want to talk about the girl he’s going home to. And of course she’d have some cool name. Roxi versus Charlie Rae.

“What about you?” He steps up beside me. “Messed around, I mean.”

Ugh. Why is he doing this? I think about lying, but know I can’t. “Nope.”

“Nothing?” He says it like he’s shocked.

“Thanks! Make it sound like I’m a freak or something.”

“No, no. That’s not what I meant.” He steps in front of me so I’m looking at him. “I just figured you and Alec…”

Oh. “No.” I shake my head. “We haven’t. I’ve never even…” There’s no reason to continue because I already told him I haven’t done anything. Why embarrass myself more by repeating the fact that I’ve never even kissed a boy? But then, this is Nathaniel and I like talking to him and can’t seem to stop myself from continuing. “No guys have ever really been interested in me. They all assume Alec and me are together, or will be together. Who knows if that’s really why. Maybe that’s just an excuse because—”

“—Charlotte,” he cuts off my rambling. And he’s looking at me funny, all serious. Like he was by the boats that day and suddenly my heart starts a stampede and my stomach feels wobbly, maybe the way someone looks if you’re looking at them through a pool of water. Little waves making everything feel off.

“What?” I finally reply.

Nathaniel steps closer to me, his voice low. “I wanna be your first kiss.”

I can’t believe he said that. This is really happening and I’m licking my lips and nodding my head. Before I thought I wasn’t frightened of my first kiss, but I am. I’m so scared I could burst out of my skin, or set on fire, but I’ve never wanted to burn so much in my whole life.

He leans forward. I close my eyes and it’s not a second later that I feel his lips on mine. His hand pushes through my hair and rests at on the back of my neck. His lips tease mine with little kisses. I return them thinking nothing has ever felt this good.

Against my mouth he asks, “Can I kiss you more?”

Another nod from me and I feel his tongue trace my lips. I open my mouth and now I really know I’ve never felt something like this. Nathaniel’s tongue touches mine. Dances with it. I try to mimic what he does, slipping mine in his mouth and he lets me. It’s a trade off, and we learn to move together.

He pulls me closer, his whole body lined against mine, and kisses me deeper. I wrap my arms around his neck and his heart is against mine and I can’t stop it…can’t block it anymore. My heart opens and I know he’ll forever have a home there. It’s stupid and I’m young, but I don’t care. I love him and for the rest of my life, this moment will be engraved into my heart.

He pulls his mouth away, but doesn’t move his hand. I don’t let go of him either and all I can think is our breaths are mixing the way our tongues just did.

Wow…

“I saw something when we were out today.” He pulls away and I wish he hadn’t, but then he’s reaching into his pocket and pulls whatever it is out.

It’s a necklace. Thin, black leather cord with a silver star hanging from the middle. My eyes water as I reach for it. “I love it,” I whisper.

“Turn around. I’ll put it on you.” I twist and lift my hair as he ties the necklace on me. When I face him again, he says, “Is it stupid that I got myself one, too?”

The tears spill out of my eyes and I shake my head. “No. It’s perfect.”

I look at his neck and the rope is gone. In its place is the black leather, just like mine.

There are so many times I’ve been with Nathaniel that I’ve thought, this is my moment. I’ll never forget this. I realize as I stand here with him, they’re all true. I’ll remember every moment I spent with him this summer.

He pulls me to him and hugs me as I cry. When my tears finally stop he grasps my hand and we walk back to my house together. He takes me all the way to my window this time and I wish the walk would have never ended.

“I’m going to miss you,” I tell him.

“You too,” he replies. We exchange emails and promise to write. He hugs me one more time before turning to walk away. I wish we could kiss again. I wish we could kiss all night. He gets a couple steps away before he stops, turns, and says. “Follow your stars if you want, Star Girl. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t.”

Crying, I watch him walk away, knowing I may never see him again.

When I wake up in the morning, Nathaniel Chase is already gone.

We email back and forth every day. He’s back with Roxi. I pretend to be happy for him, like a friend should. He asks about Alec and Sadie and I answer all the questions. He told Roxi about me. Not about our kiss, I don’t think, but about his “best friend.” I get the feeling he thought it would make me feel good, but it doesn’t.