Freeing Carter(12)
Author: Nyrae Dawn

"Mmm hmm. Of course. You’re being good, right?"

Okay, so not tripping down the stairs drunk. She’s checking on me. That means she’s at that in- between period where it can go either way. It’s that buzz where if she has a couple more, it’s the Mom I want to hate. Go to sleep. Put the glass down and go to sleep.

"Yeah…I’m always good." And then because I can’t hold the words back. Because part of me wants to fight back even though she might not remember it or know what I mean, I say, "Are you?"

Her voice trembles when she sighs. "Don’t, Carter."

Don’t what? I want to ask. No, I want to yell. Yell at the top of my f**king lungs, DON’T WHAT? Get drunk to forget all the bad shit? Shovel it on my son instead? But I can’t. God, I can’t. It’s not her fault.

My hand shakes the same as her voice did. "Sorry…night, Ma. I’ll see you tomorrow."

Instead of waiting for her to respond, I hit end, shoving the phone in my pocket as though that will make it all go away. Make it so this whole thing isn’t real.

Why am I freaking out this much? I’ve seen this before, heard it before, but it’s like all I hear is her voice right now. I’m dizzy, her drinks affecting me as though I’m the one who drank them. I believed her. How could I have believed her?

"Devin…don’t. Not here."

Mel.

Heat flares over my skin, melting the ice from earlier.

"Come on…you said you were breaking up with him. Don’t make me regret wanting a high school girl."

"I am…I think…it’s hard. Winter Formal’s coming up. I’ve been with Carter for a long time. My parents… Everyone expects—."

I can’t stop myself from stomping through the leaves, around the shed and toward the voices walking the opposite direction. "Melanie." My voice is smooth, when I feel anything but.

She whips around. Devin, standing next to her. "Carter! Hey, I was looking for you. We were just talking. What’s wrong, baby?" She starts to step toward me.

"Don’t." I use the same word Mom just used on me. How can she do this to me now? Tonight? When all I need is something…someone to make everything else go away. Mom…Mel, do any of them mean what they say? "Well, at least I don’t have to put up with your bitching anymore. It was getting old."

"What? My bitching? Don’t talk to me like that, Carter." Her arms are crossed. Queen Melanie isn’t used to anyone talking to her this way.

"Why? You’re screwing Devin, aren’t you? I figure the least I can do is call you on your attitude. I mean, I get it. Are you scared you won’t be Winter Formal queen if we’re not together? Afraid you won’t have someone to drive your car for you at lunch if your boyfriend’s out of school?" I turn to Devin. "Be careful, bro. She bites. Best make sure your clothes aren’t too wrinkled for her, or you don’t drop some f**king ketchup in princess’s car."

It’s hard to hear my own words over the beat of my pulse, pounding in my ears.

"Screw you, Carter! You’re such a jerk! We’re so over. I haven’t wanted you for a while anyway." Mel’s face turns as pink as her lipstick.

I want to tell her no. That we’re not over because I just want someone to go on pretending everything is okay with, but another part, a bigger part of me is grateful. So thankful to be free. To have one aspect in my life I don’t have to pretend with if I don’t want. "Is that supposed to hurt? Oh no. Let me go pretend I have a broken heart now so you can keep feeling good about yourself. So you can pretend to feel guilty while you’re screwing around with this douchebag."

"Fuck you, Shaw. Watch who you’re talking shit about." Now it’s Devin who starts walking toward me.

Okay, so this probably isn’t something a guy should admit, but I’ve never been in a fight in my life. I’m okay with keeping that record, but there’s no way I’m backing down to him. "Or what?" I step forward too. "What are you going to do about it?"

Another voice bursts into our conversation. "Okay boys, as much as I love a good testosterone fest, I’m thinking we all need to simmer down." Kira steps between me and Devin, her hand on my chest. "Come on, Mike Tyson. Let’s get out of here."

"What is she doing here?" Mel screams. "Are you messing around with her, Carter?"

Who does she think she is?

"Yeah, from what I heard, you’re not one to talk. Besides, you just dumped him, so I’m not sure why you care," Kira says over her shoulder.

"Screw you! I hate you, Carter. You ruined everything!" Mel turns and runs the opposite direction. The douche follows her.

My breaths are still pushing out fast and hard, my hands still fisted.

"Easy there, Tiger. Come on. Let’s go."

Mom. Mel. Mom. Mel. How could everything fall apart in one night?

"Carter…she’s not worth it. Let’s go toss some baskets or whatever it is you do when you need to relax."

My eyes dart to hers. Somehow that gets my attention. "Toss some baskets? You really need a lesson in basketball."

Still, the night isn’t forgotten that easy. I feel like a chump. Step up! Let’s see how many people can fool Carter Shaw! One empty promise to quit and I believed Mom. And Mel. I knew something was going on, but I ignored it.

I fall back against a tree, both my hands running through my hair. I almost want to open my mouth and tell her about Mom. Just to get out the words I’ve never spoken to anyone. I’ve seen her drunk so many times, I can’t figure out why this one call has me so spazzed out.

"Hey…you okay? You look like you’re about to puke or something."

I open my mouth, not knowing what’s going to come out. "I seriously think you’re following me. You know, if you want to hang out, all you have to do is ask."

A small laugh escapes her mouth. "Good try, but no cigar. You’re pissed about something and I have a feeling it’s a lot more than just your ex-girlfriend, but I’ll play along if it makes you feel better. I was helping Travis look for you. He’s leaving, but wanted to talk to you first."

My body sags a little. I hadn’t wanted her to have an excuse for finding me.

"Shaw! Where the hell are you?" drifts toward me from the house. My feet itch to run, not wanting to see him. Not wanting to see anyone right now. I feel like I’m one step away from cracking, which I cannot do unless I’m alone.

"Back here!" I try to make myself smile, try to push everything else away and be the Carter everyone expects me to be.

Travis comes stomping over a few seconds later. "What? Oh…" His eyes linger on Kira.

"Yeah, not what you’re thinking, man." I make myself laugh for good measure.

"Damn. I’m sorry." He gives a real laugh and Kira rolls her eyes. I hear her mumble something that sounds like, "boys."

"Beer’s almost gone here. I’m out. We’re going to go play some pool or something at Roger’s house. Wanna come?"

I pass a reply back and forth in my head. Yes, no, yes, no. No wins. I can’t be Happy Carter tonight. "Nah, I think I’m gonna head home. You cool though? Sober driver and all?" I ask.

Travis nods. "Yeah. Roger’s girl doesn’t drink. She’s driving." He holds his fist out for a bump. "Have fun," Travis winks. "Text me tomorrow." Then he’s stumbling away again.

Kira’s standing next to me, silent while I try to quiet the voices running around in my head. Mel and I just broke up. I was over her, but still it’s weird. And Mom…if she’s drinking now, how can I trust her not to try it again when Sara’s home?

I shake my head, hoping the thoughts will fall out. And suddenly, even though I know it’s better, I don’t want to be alone. "Hey. If you’re not busy…" Spit it out, Shaw. I shrug. "I don’t know… You want that basketball lesson?"

She doesn’t complain about how it’s almost midnight. She doesn’t ask me again what’s wrong or tell me the last thing she wants to do on a Friday night is play a sport she hates with a guy who’s obviously screwed up in the head. Instead she looks at me and smiles. "Okay…but you can’t get mad if I beat you."

Chapter Nine

I park the truck in the farthest parking spot away from the street, hoping no one will notice it. "You haven’t been drinking, have you?" I ask Kira.

"Nope." She opens the door, making the interior light come on.

"Good. If you see a cop, still run, but if we get caught, I’m sure we won’t get into trouble. Hanging out in the park after curfew isn’t as bad as being drunk and under twenty-one."

"Great. The first time you take me out and we might get arrested. Lana’s going to love you." Kira slams the door after she jumps out. I scramble out of my seat behind her.

"I don’t want your mom—"

"Guardian."

Oops. "Sorry. Your guardian to want to kill me. Should we go?" Say no.

"No."

Thank you!

"But I will totally blame it on you if we get caught." She smiles, making me think—or hope—she’s kidding. Kira’s already walking toward the basketball court she saw me at the first day we met. Grabbing my basketball out of the cab, I push the door closed and run after her.

The court is set far off the street and down a path. We really shouldn’t get caught. I’ve played here enough at night, but I still throw a quick request to the big guy upstairs that we get by unscathed tonight. The last thing I need is to have the cops call my mom to pick me up.

Suddenly, my feet won’t move. Holy shit. What would I do if the cops called Mom? She couldn’t come and get me. Would they make her? Send me home on my own? "Hey… You sure we should stay? I mean, I don’t want you to get into trouble or anything."

She doesn’t stop walking and I make my feet move again. It always feels like I’m trying to catch up with this girl. "You won’t. I’ll be fine. Unless…" Finally, she stops walking.

When I reach her, I’m shaking my head. "No, no. I’m cool. Come on. Let’s go."

When we get to the court, I start to feel a little stupid. Why did I invite a girl who’s not into ball to the basketball court? I mean, I’m sure she really doesn’t want to spend her Friday night learning basketball 101 when she’s already told me it’s not her thing. Now that we’re here, I don’t even know if she really wants me to show her or if she just came because she felt sorry for me. Or maybe she wants to watch me. Usually it doesn’t bother me when people watch, but times like tonight, where I just need the leather between my hands to feel grounded to something, I don’t really want an audience.

Which makes me wonder why I invited her here in the first place.

"So I’m guessing heels and basketball don’t really go well together?" Kira’s steady voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Um…no." I dribble the ball to keep myself busy. "I guess I didn’t really think this through very well."

She shrugs, pulling off her shoes and tossing them to the side.

"You can’t play with no shoes on. What if you step on something?"

"I’ll be okay, Mom. Just make sure you don’t stomp on my feet."

Like always she pulls a small laugh out of me. "Ha ha. See? I try to be a gentleman and you make fun of me. Nice."

"Are those the same shoes you play your games in?"

"Um, no. Why?"

"Give them to me."

"What? Then what will I wear?"

Kira crosses her arms. "Oh, I was under the impression you were being a gentleman."