From Rags(44)
Author: Suzanne Wright

By the time they were ready to head back to their challet, Jaxxon found that although she was physically exhausted, having used muscles that she hadn’t known she had, her mind was energised. The whole experience was so strange…like being in some kind of suspended reality. With all the breathtaking views and the snowy mountains and the cold air and the wintery trees and the luxurious challet there was nothing to remind her of home. She found that she could literally forget everything; her stresses, her problems, even the rest of the world. With each day that passed all those pressures eased more and more.

Connor grunted and slapped down the set of cards. When did he get so bad at poker? Probably about the same time as he started abusing the test track and overdoing it at the gym and walking around with a permanent hard-on. All of which was brought on by the reappearance of –

No, no, no – he wasn’t going to think about Jaxx.

But, then, he didn’t really have to think about her for him to undergo any torture. It was now four days since he had last seen her. It was five days since he had last been inside her. He had planned to give it at least seven days before seeing her again purely to prove to himself that he didn’t need her so badly, but he wasn’t sure he was going to last much longer. The fact that he was spooked by how he was absolutely addicted to her wasn’t so important now that the raging need was taking over again. His dick was hard and hurting like a twat. Worse, he didn’t feel whole. In short, his mind, body and soul were pining for her. He knew it. He ignored it. Or at least he tried to. And the harder he tried at it, the rottener things got.

Once he’d calmed down after their argument he’d started to feel like a right bastard. In truth, he had been angrier with himself than her; maybe it could be said that he had created this situation. If he had gone back to see her at least once, he would have seen that she was alone and hurting over Leah and he could’ve done…well he didn’t know what exactly, but he could have done something. Then maybe she wouldn’t be closed off from him the way she was now. At last he knew why she wanted things to be nothing more than casual.

Despite how painfully horny he was, not once had Connor even been tempted to relieve the ache using anyone else. Obviously he would never have given into any such temptation if there had been one. The point was that there had been no temptation. There was one thing he had come to understand in the past few days without her: It wasn’t lust that had consumed his blood, it was Jaxx. That was why he couldn’t escape from the need to see her or be with her or be inside her.

In sum, she had bloody ruined him. He belonged to her as much as she belonged to him and it terrified him. When she eventually walked out of his life – even the thought of that had his gut twisting – he wouldn’t be whole ever again. And yet he knew he couldn’t keep her. She would never settle for someone who couldn’t fully commit to her, and even if she was prepared to try it he would never let her. She deserved better than that. She deserved to start the family she had grown up without. For the first time ever, he wished he had something more to offer someone. All he could really do was make the most of the time he had with her. With that in mind, he had to question why on Earth he was sat playing – well, losing at –poker and not spending time with Jaxx.

Decision made, he went into his kitchen to phone her mobile. No answer. He tried her home line. No answer. He tried her mobile again. No answer. He tried her home line again. No answer. Half an hour went by and nothing. No answer from either phone, no returning his calls, no answering the voicemail messages he’d left. Unfortunately Ollie had gotten himself a new secretary and she was not easy to charm like the last one so that got him nowhere.

“Oi, Warren,” he said, a thought forming. “Where’s Anna tonight?” Because wherever she was, Jaxx was likely to be close.

That had Warren licking his lips nervously. He’d been dreading Connor might ask him about Anna in case he accidentally said too much. “Oh, er, she’s, um, in…Europe.”

Connor frowned. Europe? Hmm. Had to be a modelling thing. He was sure he’d heard Jaxx say something about Anna going to Paris and Milan a lot. He checked his Blackberry; still no messages.

“Waiting on a phone call?” Dane tried to hold back his amusement. It was obvious that Connor had finally cracked and wanted to see Jaxxon again. Warren had told Dane all about the holiday and how Anna had sworn him to secrecy, but he forgot to do one thing: he forgot to make Dane swear to keep it secret from Connor. Dane had absolutely no intention of holding back the fact that Jaxxon was in a whole other country where males of all ages could flock around her and there wasn’t a thing Connor could do about it. He was going to go off his rocker. Boy this was going to be so much fun.

Connor said nothing to Dane’s question and shoved his Blackberry back into his pocket. A few minutes later he fished it out again and returned to the bedroom to try Jaxx’s mobile again…still nothing. Home line…still nothing. Secretary…still not charmed. He growled. Jaxx didn’t play ‘ignore the ring tone’. She’d sooner answer it, tell him to sod off, and then hang up if she didn’t want to speak to him. In which case, he had to assume that she hadn’t seen his attempts to contact her. He should be able to shrug and think ‘she’ll phone when she can’. But it was doing his nut in wondering when, exactly, he should expect a response. Was this how she felt when he didn’t give her any idea of when he’d next be in touch? On re-entering the living area he caught the latter part of Dane’s sentence:

“…doesn’t bother you she’s on holiday without you?”

“Who’s on holiday?” When Dane and Warren exchanged an odd look, Connor frowned.

Warren cleared his throat. “Anna.”

“Oh so it’s not some modelling job she’s away doing?”

“No,” said Dane. “A last minute booking wasn’t it, Warren?”

“Er, yeah.”

Dane folded his arms across his chest. “I’m surprised you didn’t go with her, even if three is a crowd.”

“Another time I will.” Warren sighed internally. He wasn’t going to pull this flippant act off, not while Dane, whatever his game was, seemed like he intended to let it slip to Connor that Jaxxon had gone with her.

“I wouldn’t like it if it was me,” said Dane gravely, shaking his head.

“It’s just a holiday, she’s not relocating.”